This was definitely a mad face.
“Why are you mad, Thea? Elijah and I were going to have to meet at some point. He’s my—”
“Silas!” She placed on her hips and hunched forward a little, blowing out a breath the same way a dragon would. “I’m not mad. I’m just concerned. I know you have a fixation with Elijah because he killed dad, but that doesn’t mean you’re in love with him. That doesn’t mean he belongs to you. We’ve talked about this, remember? You can’t make somebody love you.”
“I know!”
My teeth hurt when I clenched them together, and I felt that familiar lick of fire soar up the back of my spine. A shout left me, and I burst out of my stool so fast, it fell to the ground.
“I’ve been reading all your stupid books, okay? I’ve been practicing using my filter, and I watch those dumb videos about manners and proper social etiquette.”
“I know.” Her voice softened, and she approached me like I was a wild animal.
I kind of felt like one.
“I know how hard you’re working, bud, and I know you can’t completely understand why you shouldn’t love to watch people die or stalk Elijah all hours of the day. I just—”
“I know I’m different, Thea.” I squeezed my fists, and I liked the piercing way my blunt nails cut into the skin of my palm. “I know I have to use manners and my brain filter when I’m in public, and I know I can only do bad stuff on the computer because I’m good at hiding it. I know my mind has darkness but so does his.”
“Silas—”
“He’s an assassin. Hekillspeople for a living. Do you really think he’s going to be worried about morals? Do you actually think he’s going to be put off because I assist in those killings and like watching them?”
“That’s not what I’m worried about.”
“Isn’t it?” There was a ball of flames in my chest, spreading throughout the rest of my body, and I wanted to scream. I wanted to hit stuff and draw blood but instead, I counted.
Exactly like she showed me how.
“I work for the mob, Thea.”One. Two.“I make half a million dollars a year doing illegal shit for horrible men, and I love it. My job is the best.Youare the one who got it for me!”
“Silas, I’m not worried Elijah is going to turn you in.”
“Then what is the problem? Don’t you want me to be happy?”
“Yes.” She came forward then, and with both hands, she grabbed my face. “I want you to be so happy, Silas. I want you to besafeand happy. That’s why I got you this job and that’s why your intensity regarding Elijah concerns me.”
She was shorter than me, so I had to dip my chin a little to see her face. She didn’t look mad anymore, but her lips were wobbling a little. A tear raced down her cheek, and I touched it with my finger.
“Why are you sad, Thea?”
“I’m not sad. Sometimes, emotions just get so heavy, crying is the only way to get them out.”
Oh.
“Are your emotions heavy because of me and Daddy?”
“Silas.” She sighed and gave my cheeks a squeeze. “I’m not against you having a boyfriend, or a husband, or a daddy, or whatever makes you happy but youcan’tmake Elijah love you, and I don’t want you to get your heart broken if he never does.”
“A heart is a muscle, Thea, it can’t break.”
She laughed, and I liked the way her face looked when she did it.
Happy.
“You’re right. A heart is a muscle.” She dropped her hands and tapped my chest. “But even muscles can only take so much before they tear, and I don’t want you to get hurt. I don’t want you to know what it feels like to hurt on the inside because Elijah decides he doesn’t want to be your daddy.”
I shook out my hands, and I didn’t care for the way my stomach felt like it was shrinking. “You think he might not want to be my daddy?”