He nods. “Yeah, the allergy came out of nowhere. I was eating and—”
“Swing. Details. Lots of details.”
“What details do you want? Leif came home with it yesterday as a surprise, but we have to hang it properly, so we haven’t tried it yet.”
“Wow. What a tease.”
“It is.” A small shiver races over him. “I can’t wait though.”
“You gonna be comfortable with that?” When he and Leif first got together, Barney was self-conscious about his weight, but those issues have simmered down. Barney’s got even more padding to love now, and he and Leif are stronger than ever.
“Yep. Hard not to be when Leif can never seem to get enough.”
I chuckle. “Yeah, when I’ve got a man of my own, I’ll be exactly the same way.” And because I like to tease, I can’t stop myself from adding, “Hopefully, he’ll want to spread his legs for me as much as you do for Leif.”
Barney’s whole face goes red. “I regret telling you that every day.”
“And yet, that doesn’t deter you from telling me about your sex life.”
He takes a long gulp of water, avoiding answering me. We both know he’ll continue to do it because he loves talking about Leif. Leif and sex are his two favorite topics, no matter how embarrassed he might be getting the words out. He told me once that he checked with Leif whether he cared that people knew what they did in the bedroom, and Leif gave his full approval, so I have zero guilt about greedily listening to how happy they are together.
“Your three,” Barney says, turning the attention onto me.
“Ah, right.” I struggle to remember what I’d decided on telling him. “The soapbox derby got some good donations of parts this year, I hired a new assistant, and … I spent all day yesterday with Orson, and it still wasn’t enough.”
“Wait.” Barney leans over the table. “OurOrson?”
“The one and only.” Barney and Art both started the Divorced Men’s Club and always talk about the members like their own little family. I swear hearing about the support and closeness those guys have almost makes me wish I was divorced. Almost. When I find love, I kinda want that to be it. My one and only.
Until then, I have my cars.
“Shit … he’s straight though.”
“He is.”
“And …”
I lean back in my chair, ready to have this conversation. This reality check of going after a straight man and how idiotic it is. “It would be a total lie to say there’s nothing there. He’s hot, and I really like him, but I’m trying not to think about all that.”
“How does he make you feel?”
Thinking of Orson, picturing his face and the way my cheeks hurt whenever we’re together, makes my entire body prickle with awareness. “Alive.”
Barney’s expression fills with pity. “I’m sorry, Ford.”
“Yeah, yeah.” I wave a hand like I don’t care. “He’s a cool guy, and I’d like the chance to be friends. I just need these dumb little feelings to be on their way a bit faster.”
“And if they don’t?”
“Don’t what?” I’m playing dumb and terrible at it.
“Go away, obviously. What do you do then?”
I shrug. “Deal with it. Give us space or whatever. The worst part is …”
Barney cocks his head for me to go on.
“I get a vibe from him. Only sometimes. But it feels like there’s more there, and it gets me confused.”