My mind keeps drifting back to Steve leaving no matter how many times I try to pull it in a different direction. It's hard not to think about it. He's been such a big part of my life for so long now. I'm going to be empty when he's gone.
In yet another effort to distract myself and stay upbeat instead of feeling glum, I turn to Janice and ask, "So, what are your plans for the next few days?"
"Well, since I'm partying tonight, I'll have to spend tomorrow resting and recovering, of course. Then my parents are going to force me to start getting ready for college and packing up my stuff to take to the dorms. Then I have to enroll and all that boring stuff like that," she says, her upper lip pulling up in a grimace.
"Yeah, I totally get that. Once tonight's over, it's time to face reality, " I respond.
Our favorite song starts playing, which is good timing because the conversation was getting too real. Janice grabs my hand, and we start dancing again.
I can't help but wonder if Steve's watching. A part of me hopes that he is and actually likes that idea. So, I do my best to lose myself in the music and start twirling and grinding my hips.
I glance around briefly to make sure my brother isn't watching, or else I know I’ll be in for a talking-to from him later. Luckily, though, he's busy talking to some guys in the corner. And he looks about ready to fall over from all the drinking he’s been doing.
That isn’t like him, but he’s had more than usual tonight. I think it’s been bothering him that Steve was recruited and he wasn’t, but he would never say anything because he wouldn’t want it to seem like he isn’t happy for his best friend.
I’m sure he can be happy for him yet sad for himself, at the same time. In fact, I can relate because I feel the exact same way when it comes to Steve.
After a while, I find that I really am letting loose with the music. I’m having fun dancing around and drinking with my friends, thinking about how we really needed a night like this.
I studied and worked so hard to get my scholarship, and my friends put in a lot of effort in school, too. We deserve a night to just cut loose and party and have fun.
After a while, most people stop dancing, and I’m winded, too, so I sit in a chair nearby. My friends sit with me as we all try to catch our breath.
I start to wonder what it would be like if Steve stayed here, and we were actually able to pursue a relationship. I imagine it would be like every dream or fantasy I've ever had.
Whatever might have happened with him would probably be just as wonderful and magical as I’ve always thought it would be. But nothing ever can.
That thought makes me so sad I immediately get up and reach for another drink. I don't want to feel or think about anything tonight, especially Steve. It's just too painful to bear the thought of him not being around anymore.
I don't want that to ruin my party tonight. So, I grab a couple more drinks and go back to my friends so that I can hand them out.
"Cheers to us!" Janice says, once I return.
"Yes! Cheers to us and to partying!" I say as we clink our drinks together in a toast.
After we finish those drinks, Janice and our friends get up from their seats. I look at all of them in confusion, wondering where they’re all going at the same time.
"Listen, sweetie, this has been a wonderful party, but we have to get going now," Janice says, acting as the spokesperson for their group.
"Are you sure? We were having so much fun," I say, feeling a little disappointed, although I’m trying not to show it.
"Yes, we need to get home before our parents kill us," Janice jokes. “Mary Ann has agreed to give me a ride, and since I’m sloshed, I really should take her up on it.”
“That’s true.” I nod, trying not to frown. “It’s not safe for you to drive.”
“Yeah, I’d already agreed to be the DD for Amber and Carol, so Janice is coming with us now, too,” Mary Ann says, stepping up to hug me. “But this has been an awesome party! Congrats to you, and to me, and to all of us… and to Steve!”
“Yes! Congrats to everyone, and to all of us!” I shout, realizing I’m a little tipsier now than I’d realized.
Amber and Carol hug me and join in on the congratulatory cheers as well. I’m definitely not the only one who had more to drink than I’d thought.
Only Mary Ann is making perfect sense, at a reasonable volume. The rest of us sound like we’re yelling at each other in separate tunnels, and I guess my head feels just as foggy as if that were true.
We all hug each other one last time, and then I walk them out.
"I'll definitely call you tomorrow," Janice says, as she gets into Mary Ann’s car. “Love you, girl!”
“Love you too, Bestie.”