After the song ends, I gulp the rest of my drink thirstily. Then I head back over to the table and pick up another wine cooler. Steve's there too, also getting a drink.
"Hey, you, congratulations!" he says.
I smile and blush a little at him.
"Oh, thanks," I reply shyly.
I open my drink and take a quick sip for courage. He leans over and gives me a quick hug. It wakes up all the feelings that I have for him again, as they all float back up to the surface. I feel like I literally have to fight them down.
God, it feels so good to be hugged by him.
He's the man of my dreams, even though I can’t have him in reality.
I wish that we could end up together, but I know that's not possible.
My brother practically raised me because of our neglectful parents, so I know he would be really upset if Steve and I tried to pursue any kind of a relationship. One of the reasons that Derek is very overprotective of me is because of our childhood upbringing.
Steve and I are still hugging each other as he says, "I'm so proud of you, Bella. You did such a great job on everything in school, and you so deserve this party and that scholarship you scored."
I feel like the hug is lingering between us and that is only deepening the feelings that I have for him. I can't let the hug last too long though because I don't want my brother to catch us. I'm quick to pull away from him although I wish I didn't have to.
After Steve and I end our embrace, I look up at him and say, "Thank you; I really appreciate your support over the years. And congratulations on your chance with the NFL. How exciting! I’m sure that means that a lot of things are going to change for you.”
"Fuck, when you put it that way, you make me sound famous or something. It's not so big a deal," he says, shrugging his shoulders.
I happen to think heisgoing to be famous, because he’s a great football player, but I don’t want to say that because it would sound cheesy and give away how I feel about him. Just like everything I always wish I could say to him, but don’t.
He smiles that irresistible smile of his and walks off.
I take another sip of my drink to calm myself as I try not to watch him walk away. I love his swagger and the shape of his toned ass. Not to mention his tall, broad shoulders and his ripped back and muscular arms.
I wish I could go jump on his back and make him carry me to my bedroom where he would make sweet love to me.
That’s just a fantasy, though. Especially the part about him carrying me, because I’m a pretty big girl. Granted, heissuper strong, so maybe he could do it.
But I’ll never get to find out.
Eventually I turn around, ready to rejoin the party. Steve's standing in the corner talking to a group of people. He catches my eye and smiles at me. Then he gives a playful wink in my direction.
Part of me thinks that he's flirting with me, but I know that's not true, and I can't get my hopes up. I tell myself that he's just being the fun and playful guy that he usually is.
Still, I've always felt that there was chemistry there between us. I still feel that there is, because of the way that he looks at me and how gentle and caring he is with me. Also, it’s in the little things… like the fact that he lingered during our hug.
And yet there are logical ways to explain all of that away. I just feel that he's being respectful because of his friendship with my brother and the fact that I'm younger than him.
But this makes me want him even more. He’s so respectful and caring. They don't make guys like that anymore.
The fact that he's leaving does depress me for that reason, even though I’m happy for him. If there are feelings between us, then neither one of us can act on them now— not that we really ever could, anyway, because of my brother. But now we’ll have no chance at all.
This is just too much to think about right now. It's bringing me down and I don't want to ruin my party or give away any of my thoughts or feelings.
So, I walk back over to Janice, who’s sipping another drink. Or perhaps I should say gulping.
She's standing with some of our friends from school. I join them and soon we’re standing in a circle, drinking and talking.
I do my best not to look at Steve anymore. I don't want to think about him and how sad I'm going to be about him once he leaves.
Janice takes another drink, and we all start talking about what we want to do before we actually start college, although tonight's really like the last big party night that we’re going to have.