I set my phone down and focus on more important matters. I start counting and calculating. I need to remember when my last period was. If I remember health class correctly, I'm pretty sure I'm out of the time frame for that window when pregnancy can happen.
Just to be sure, I grab my phone and Google it. I read through a couple pages and breathe a sigh of relief as what I thought was true is confirmed.
Thank goodness. That's one less thing to worry about. I'm in the clear.
I set my phone down.
Okay, now that I've got hooking up with Steve out of my system, it's time to move on, I tell myself.I can forget all about it and him and focus entirely on college.
I'm determined to do that as I grab my pajamas and walk into the bathroom across the hall. I set everything down and turn on the shower.
Once it's warm and steamy, I undress and get in. I’d had myself convinced that I could forget about Steve now, but as I stand here under the water, it's an entirely different story. In fact, I’m thinking about him more than ever.
I know that I could never forget about Steve and what we did here tonight. And in fact, I wouldn’t even want to.
This was the greatest night of my life.
Being with him is what I’ve always wanted, and I was finally able to experience it.
But now I find myself wanting it again, over and over and over, even more than before.
What have I gotten myself into?!
How can I ever get myself out of it?
And do I even want to?
Chapter 5 – Bella
I was right about not being able to forget about Steve. It's been six weeks since the two of us were together and he’s been on my mind every day.
My room's pretty much packed up. I should be going off to college soon. Even my paperwork has been in order for quite a while now, and that was the hardest part.
I spent the morning going over everything again to make sure I’d packed everything and have all the necessities.
Now I lay on the couch in the living room. As usual, my parents aren't around and now that Steve isn't here, my brother Derek has been keeping to himself, doing who knows what.
He knows that I'm perfectly fine here at home by myself. I have Janice and my other friends to keep me company still. They haven't gone off to college yet either.
I continue to lie on the couch and rest my hand on my stomach. I've been feeling sort of weird. I guess I've been pretty nauseous lately. I don't know why that is, since I haven't eaten anything out of the ordinary. Maybe it's some kind of a stomach bug or flu that’s going around or something— it would have to be.
I'm kind of worried about feeling this way because I've missed my period. I'm hoping that this nauseousness is all just a part of the PMS symptoms and maybe I'm just running late this month.
I read online that it can be normal to have menstrual cycles that are different from usual sometimes. I'm hoping maybe that's just what I'm experiencing. Maybe it's hormone changes or something like that.
This is a lot to worry about on my own though. I need some support!
Once my stomach feels a little bit better, I get off the couch and grab my phone from the coffee table. Then I open my phone and quickly call Janice.
"Hey, what are you doing?" I ask, once she answers.
"Not much, how are you feeling? You told me you were kind of sick last night.”
She graciously leaves out the part where I’d told her my deepest fear— that the reason I’m sick might be because I’m pregnant!
"Yeah. I still am. I haven't been able to get off the couch," I explain.
"Okay, that settles it. I'm on my way over and I'm bringing a test for you to take. You have to know for sure," Janice says, being bossy but meaning well.