“Under normal circumstances, I would say the less you know a guy, the better. But I won’t throw you to the wolves before you know how to tame them. Until you get comfortable with the concept of casual sex, you should probably be friendly with whoever you’re fucking. That’s it.” She snaps. “You need a friend with benefits—one you trust—to show you the ropes. He should be experienced and able to explain how guys really work.”
Maybe. But definitely not Chris.
“You’re saying I need someone to teach me how to sleep around?”
Kami shrugs. “That’s one way to put it, but yeah.”
I turn her words over in my head. “It sounds somewhere between crazy and cringy…but I get what you’re saying.”
And I do. I don’t know the first thing about having casual sex, and the idea of getting someone to teach me the right things to say and do might help me overcome some of my innate shyness and ease some of my anxiety.
“Really? You really think you could do something like that?” Kami gapes at me. “Who are you, and what have you done with Kiera Young?”
I laugh. “I’m just as shocked as you are.”
Believe me, I never thought I’d be backpedaling from wanting a committed relationship to finding temporary gratification. On the one hand, I could be creating a total life crisis. My instinct is to abandon this ship before it hits the iceberg. But if I don’t follow through, won’t I forever be wonderingwhat if?
“You have to choose someone you know and trust to get the job done without making a mess of it,” Kami muses. “Someone who won’t catch feelings for you and vice versa.”
“Maybe you could teach me. You know a lot about men.”
Since eighth grade, Kami has gone out with tons of different boys. All through high school, rumors spread that she was easy. In reality, she liked hanging out with guys. They’re more straightforward and less emotional. To this day, Kami hates being stuck in a room with a bunch of girls. She’s convinced drama is bound to happen.
Unfortunately, at least at our school, she was right.
“Not as much as you need to know. Besides, I love you—but not like that. You know strictly I’m propenis.” She chuckles. “What you need is a very hetero guy willing to give you the full experience. He has to be hot enough for you to want him, skilled enough to satisfy you in bed, and detached enough not to cling to you like a vine.”
Tall order. Quickly, I contemplate the men I know. The list isn’t long, and it’s filled with fukbois I’m acquainted with, though thankfully never dated. An image of my super-hot boss, Jonathan Knight, rolls through my head. I shove it away with a sigh. “I can’t think of anyone.”
“Neither can I.” Kami makes a thinking face. “I’ll tell you what. We’ll hold off on finding the guy for now. In the meantime, let’s focus on your message, on how you’d ask someone to help you out. This isn’t something you should improv. You have to phrase this favor in a way that isn’t weird or embarrassing.”
She’s got a point, but I’m curdling inside just considering it. “I don’t know. The more I think about this, the crazier it sounds. It’s probably a horrible idea.”
“What? No. Just imagine it, getting tons of screaming O’s while learning how to have no-strings fun. He gets laid. You come away with a smile—and useful, real-world knowledge. I don’t see a downside.” Anxiety must show on my face because Kami slants me a patient glance. “But you don’t need to make a decision right this second. Take a day or two—but not too long or you’ll psych yourself out.”
I spend the rest of the night thinking about her suggestion. Could I actually go through with it? I don’t know; this idea is so out there.
I still believe in love, but maybe Chris was the universe’s way of telling me I need to try something new. Maybe focusing on my sex life, not my heart, will ultimately make me happier.
At this point, what do I have to lose?
Jonathan
“I am so ready for a drink.” My best friend and business partner, Jake Hall, says entering the crowded bar.
“That makes two of us,” I agree.
On any given Saturday night, I would be just as relieved and eager to have fun. But tonight is different. Tonight, I need a distraction from this day. It’s a bitter reminder of the life I almost had. A life I thought I wanted. A life I realize now would have caused me utter misery.
Tonight’s goal—besides getting drunk and having meaningless sex—is to forget the past, live in the moment, and not feel anything but pleasure. At least for a few hours.
“To a great fucking night,” Jake yells over the loud music.
We clank our glasses together. I swig my scotch in one swallow. I intend to get drunk and stay drunk.
After asking the bartender for more, Jake and I scour the bar for an attractive females to flirt with.
“See anyone you like?” He smirks.