Malcolm leaned closer to me, placing his forehead against mine, and my heart melted. He didn’t move from where he was for several seconds and neither did I. When he pulled back, he smiled and just gazed into my eyes. Looking into his, the thought came to me that Malcolm had an old soul just like my dad said my Malcolm did. He spoke like he was biologically older too.
He, Zac, and I continued making our way through the aquarium and came to a section that I hadn’t known was here. There was a large glass tank with a woman inside it who had long blond hair, a white seashell bikini top, and a fake blue mermaidtail. She was swimming around underneath the surface of the water and waving at all of us watching her.
Malcolm looked back and forth from her to me and then said, “Go swim, Stevie.”
“I wish I could, but remember, my tail only comes out at night. That’s the only time I can go swimming, but let’s go look at her tail,” I said, pointing at this zoo’s mermaid.
As soon as I stepped up to the glass, she swam up and waved at Malcolm. He waved back at her and she smiled at him, then pressed her hand against the glass. Malcolm reached out and pressed his against it—his hand and the pretty mermaid’s hand mirroring each other’s. Before she swam away, she blew a kiss to Malcolm and then he blew one to her. I had a little Romeo in my arms and if I could have, I would’ve kept him.
After we’d seen everything inside the aquarium, Zac said, “Stevie, I hate to leave, but it is time for me to take Malcolm back home and get him settled in.”
“I understand.”
“Are you gonna leave now, too?”
“No, I’m gonna stay for a little while longer. I wanna go back to the petting zoo and see my furry friends, then go check out the rest of this place.”
“Do you like what you’ve seen so far?”
“Very much so. You were right. This is a really nice zoo.”
“I’d never lead you in the wrong direction,” he said.
I watched his eyes trickle down to my lips and linger there, then he met my gaze again and held it. Zac was who looked away this time, though. Not me. And as soon as he did, I turned my attention to his son still in my arms.
“I’m so happy to have met you, Malcolm. You’re such a sweet boy and I hope to see you again sometime,” I told him.
His bottom lip started quivering and tears filled his eyes. Then he wrapped his little arms around my neck and clung tome again. I looked back up at Zac and this time, I was unable to hide my emotions. I was just as choked up about this goodbye as Malcolm. Zac stepped even closer to us and rubbed our backs to comfort us while staring straight at me with a mix of sympathy and amazement written all over his face. What was happening with his precious son was uncanny, yet I welcomed it so much.
After about a minute, Malcolm loosened his arms from around my neck and looked at me again. I smiled at him and he smiled back. Then I wiped the tears off his face and kissed one of his apple cheeks. I set him down on the ground after that and he was okay with it. He, Zac, and I said our goodbyes, and then I watched the two Buchanans begin making their way toward the zoo’s exit. Zac was holding Malcolm’s hand and the vision of the two of them was picture-perfect, so I took one with my cellphone.
11
#backtoreality
Zac
MALCOLM WAS ASLEEPin his car seat before we’d even made it to the interstate. His day had been a full one and so had mine. It had started out with an early morning run as the sun was coming up. It felt good being outside, breathing, sweating, and letting all the fucked up things that Avery said to me after I got home from picking up Malcolm from my parents yesterday fade away.
As soon as I realized she was drunk on her regular fix of vodka and orange juice, I texted my mom to let her know what was going on. Then I asked if she and my dad wouldn’t mind keeping Malcolm overnight. I hated to ask them for yet another favor, since they babysat him for me all week while I was at work, but I felt I had no choice. I didn’t want Malcolm to be around Avery in the intoxicated state that she was in.
My mom texted back that she and my dad were happy to keep Malcolm overnight for me and to bring him back over as soon as I could. I was relieved and I was also thankful. My parents were the best and they loved Malcolm as much as I did.
After dropping him off at their house, I drove around and listened to the radio, wishing there was a way that I could escapethe hell of my marriage without having to split custody of my son with Avery. She was such a miserable person, and the alcohol just brought out more of her true colors.
The woman had blindsided me after we got married by telling me that she didn’t want to have children. That wasn’t what she said when we began dating and then became engaged. During that time, she was all for having a family. It was what I had always wanted and was excited about our future together. Then Avery pulled a Jekyll and Hyde act on me that I was still so hurt by.
Despite the friction within our marriage that began after she told me about not wanting to have children, I made the decision to stay committed to her. Not only did I not want a divorce on my track record, I also kept hoping Avery would change her mind about having a family. But she never did, and I finally stopped talking to her about it.
Our years together hadn’t all been bad. There’d been occasions when we had fun, laughed, took trips, enjoyed the getaways, and also times when we enjoyed our home life. The joy was always short-lived, though. It was like a cycle that Avery was in with her happiness and then her misery. It was one extreme to the other and it exhausted me, always trying to gauge her mood.
We were in our fifth year of marriage when I finally asked Avery to go see a therapist because I was convinced something was chemically off inside her brain. I had a strong feeling that she was bipolar or something along those lines. To my surprise, she agreed to my request, and after going to several therapy sessions that I was also part of, and also going to see a medical doctor for testing, Avery was found to be “normal.” But the therapist said something to Averyandto me during our last session with her that completely opened my eyes concerning my wife.
She said, “Avery, you are the most self-centered woman that I’ve ever counseled. You’re selfish, manipulative, spiteful, and vindictive. And Zac? I feel sorry for you. You deserve so much better in life and I hope you find it one day. Now it’s time for both of you to leave my office and don’t call me again. We’re done here.”
After the therapist said what she did, Avery told her to fuck off and then stormed out of her office, slamming the door behind her. I apologized, paid the therapist for the session, thanked her for trying to help Avery, and then left, not knowing what in the hell I was supposed to do next.
Avery didn’t say a word to me on the drive home. A week later, she still hadn’t spoken to me, but the next day, she started talking and acting as if nothing had happened during that last appointment with the therapist. It was like she stuck her head in the sand and just moved on. When I realized that, I decided to move on too, because I was mentally and emotionally wiped out.