“I never said anything to you about it, but because we’re talking about all of this now, I feel like I can and should say something.”
“Dad, I wish you had when you first noticed.”
“Sticking my nose into someone’s marriage is a fine line to walk. Even my only daughter’s.”
“You counsel people at church all the time.”
“But they come to me for help. You’ve never asked me for any with your marriage.”
“I just didn’t think it was that bad.”
“As the saying goes, hindsight is 20/20 and as time goes on, I think you’ll start seeing matters with Graham more clearly. You two will both see the wrong steps that you took and hopefully, you’ll learn from them too. I don’t wanna see either of you go down this hurtful pathway again, and hear me on that. Again, I’m not excusing Graham for turning to another woman.”
“I know you’re not. But of all people, why did he have to choose my best friend?”
“Human nature. We tend to go to what’s familiar and seemingly safe. He’s known Emma since high school just like you have and there’s an automatic trust that comes with such a long history.”
“I still feel like confronting her. She betrayed me in the worst possible way, and I don’t know if I’m angrier at her or at Graham. No, it’s her. She broke the number one rule of the woman code. You don’t have an affair with your best friend’s husband. Ever.”
“Don’t confront Emma. It won’t change a thing and you know it.”
“But it would be extremely gratifying to walk straight up to her and blast her. She deserves it. You know, Dad, I’ve replayed in my mind every occasion that she came over here to my house to hang out with me and also spend the night. Graham was usually here when she was, and knowing about everything now that’s been going on between them, I can’t help but wonder when their affair began. Graham said they started seeing each other three months ago but I bet it’s been longer than that.”
“It probably has been. When a friendship between two people first starts leaning toward a romantic relationship—forbidden or not—there’s a teetering of sorts that happens. It’s a period of tests to see what the other is feeling and also willing to allow, intimately speaking. Sometimes, it only takes a few tests before the relationship moves fast-forward into the next stage. Sometimes, it takes several tests. So, yes—Graham and Emma could’ve very well started seeing each other much earlier than three months ago but in their minds, probably, their affair didn’t begin until they slept together the first time. Some people don’t equate lingering looks, evocative conversations, secret texts, phone calls, or even kissing with having an affair. That first lingering look is where it all begins, though.”
“And I’ve also wondered when that happened between Graham and Emma, just like I’ve wondered when their first secret conversation took place, and their first kiss. Another thing that I’ve wondered about is if Emma came over here to my house to see Graham on any of the occasions when I was out of townat a conference. She probably did, and she and Graham probably had sex in our bed. I’d bet on that too.”
“Suggestion?”
“Go ahead.”
“If you really believe that happened, then throw away all your bedding. Get new sheets, a comforter, and pillows. Even get a new mattress if it’d ease your mind.”
I took the last sip of my gin and tonic and then set down the empty glass in my kitchen sink.
“A new mattress and bedding. I can certainly do that. I can also go throw my old mattress and bedding in Emma’s front yard and set it on fire.”
“Now, Stevie—you know you can’t do something like that, even though feeling like doing it is understandable. Save your ‘get even’ emotions for your court cases where you can constructively use them.”
“Dad, I’m not gonna do anything crazy. I’m just venting to you. But I will say that indulging in my evil thoughts feels really good right now.”
“Just don’t indulge in them for too long, okay?”
“I won’t.”
“One more question and then I’ll let you go. I figure you’re wanting to get into that pool of yours to escape your overloaded mind for a little while.”
“Yes, I do want to and I’m going to as soon as we hang up. Water is my church and heals me in every way,” I said, looking out the window at my backyard.
“It’s always been your church but you could still come to listen to your old dad preach a sermon athischurch sometime. I’d love to see you sitting in the front pew like you always used to do.”
“I may just surprise you by doing that one day soon.”
“I hope you do.”
“What did you wanna ask me?”
“If you’d think about taking some time off from work for yourself.”