But Lynn didn't release me; she lowered her lips to my ear and so only I could hear, said, "When I got here, I refused medical help, too. My insides were so screwed up by the time I finally gave in that infection had set in, and I needed a surgery. Now I can never have kids. Don't be like me, Luna."
I jolted back, sucking in a sharp breath. She couldn't … because she was—like me?
I swallowed, and then had to swallow again because my mouth was so dry. To never have kids? Ever?
"I'll go," I said, my voice as hoarse as it had been when Priest first found me.
"You don't have to do what Miss Bossy Bitch says," ChaCha offered, frowning at both me and Lynn.
"No, it's fine," I murmured, climbing out of bed and trying not to tip the tray of supplies off the edge of the mattress. "She's right; a check up wouldn't kill me."
Their scents had invaded the room, filling my senses with delicate florals, sweet spice, and something suspiciously likegunpowder. I'd smelled it once, when Mum took us to a ren faire when I was a kid; there was no forgetting that scent once you'd smelled it.
"I'll show you where the clinic is," ChaCha offered, angling her purple head at the door. "We'll leave this care package shit here; it might come in handy."
"And if you want any real food," Vienna said, to instant complaints from her friends, "there's a kitchen at the end of the hall, as well as a communal area you're welcome to use. There's a TV and every streaming app you can think of. You don't need to get permission; this space is yours now."
"Thanks," I rasped, fighting back tears. I might have been angry and stressed and on the verge of a minor breakdown, but this morning I'd been a dreamer who saw so much beauty in the world that she had to paint it and … that part of me was touched beyond measure.
I hadn't come here expecting friends, but I was glad to have found them anyway.
"I appreciate all of this. Really. Sorry if I snapped."
ChaCha shrugged. "We've all snapped at some point."
"Some more than others," Lynn drawled.
"So don't worry about it," ChaCha went on, a fierce grin splitting her brown face. "Until I wake up at three in the morning with a knife at my throat, I won't hold it against you."
I blinked. Until what…?
"It was four a.m.," Jessa laughed, her eyes crinkled. "Right, Lynn?"
Lynn grunted her agreement. I wasn't entirely sure who'd done the threatening.
The four of them herded themselves out of the red room when I aimed for the door. I hadn't even taken my coat off before collapsing onto the bed, and my boots were still buckled around my feet, so I just hovered awkwardly for a minute before pullingthe door shut behind me. I hoped I could find my way back here; all the doors on this hallway looked similar.
"Oh, Luna," Jessa said in her sweet, smoky voice when I turned towards the hallway. "We have self-defence classes every week. There's one tomorrow morning if you feel up to it."
Her eyes drifted to my neck, and I went as stiff as a lightning rod, crackling with shame and rage and dread. Her eyes would soften; she'd give me a look of pity and pat my arm and tell meeverything would be alright.It was the last thing I wanted to hear. It wouldneverbe alright.
"Maybe," I hedged, turning away—and sucking up every ounce of my courage to spin back to face them.
They were a strange mix, Lynn tall and as deadly as a gunshot, Jessa curvy and gentle, Vienna utterly beautiful but kind when she had every right to be smug and superior, and finally ChaCha as vibrant and charismatic as a carnival.
Kind, friendly. Not judging.
So I blurted, "Does anyone have a scarf I can borrow?"
"One sec," Lynn replied instantly, as if she'd been waiting for me to ask, or at least already contemplating it.
She ducked into the room beside mine and returned with a scarf in the same bright shade as the rest of her outfit—which was to say pitch black. Tiny skulls and crossbones decorated it, and made me feel just a bit fiercer as I tied it around my neck.
"Thanks," I murmured, my ears tingling with heat.
Lynn made a throaty sound, waving her hand. "We're lovey-dovey best friends around here. My shit is yours."
"Even your knives?" Jessa teased.