Phoebe
“…lostand alone.I'm here but I'm not.”There was a slight pause, the hesitation allowing the radio caller to collect his thoughts.The music played softly in the background.I started to hum with the tune as the DJ waited for the guest caller to finish.“I guess…things are different.”
The caller exhaled loudly, causing his breath to blow across his mouthpiece and echo through the speakers.
“Have you seen anyone or reached out to your local VA?”the DJ asked in a light and concerned voice.
He exhaled again and said, “Yeah, I've been to the VA.They said I don’t have PTSD but showed signs of depression and withdrawal.That's what happens when you don't feel a part of anything around you, right?Nothing's the same and I was only gone for six years.”He let out another frustrated breath and continued, “Man, I just wanted to call up and ask you to playDownby Mat Kearney.It’s soothing.”
“You got it, my friend,” the DJ answered, “and just know that you are in our prayers.”
“Thanks, man.Thanks, man.I wanted to tell you that all the guys over there at the various army stations listen to you on the internet, no matter what religion or culture or anything.You play inspirational songs and I'm sure those have saved us and provided hope many-a-day.”
“Wow, that's just awesome.It's our mission to give folks inspiration.This one is for you.”
The song cut in and the words seemed to jump from the old radio.
“It took his breath away, holding the bank page
He got the letter, they're gonna take their house away
…Feeling the weight of a world that just don't care”
I felt something on my cheek and quickly turned, focusing my eyes to look for some type of flying insect, but there was nothing.I wiped my face with the back of my hand and felt moisture.
It was wet.
I was crying.
The radio caller’s words, the lyrics to the song, and the stark pain in his voice had penetrated my bubbly exterior.
“Can you here when we call
There where we fall”
Tears had been few and far between ever since I left.
I made a decision a while ago to live my life to the fullest.My dad almost lost his mind when I called him to let him know that I was quitting my full time, nine-to-five job and had decided to make jewelry.He called me everything from irresponsible to immature.
It wasn't one of our best moments, but I would not be deterred.
My entire life had been devoted to working and being successful.I was not lazy and I never minded the work; it was simply that I had to make major changes and make them fast.After high school, I remained in school for six additional years, excelled to the point where I was offered to join the board of directors and the company offered me the opportunity to open a branch in the corporation.That was the American dream but I decided to put my business degree to work and not have to work for other people until retirement.
I sold my condo, paid off my car lease, and any other outstanding debt.Fortunately, I earned scholarships that helped put me through school and the few loans I did have were paid off while I was enrolled.
It was time for me to make some changes, and I moved from the busy Chicago business district to Lily, New Jersey.Lily is a small town, total population of less than ten-thousand citizens and only one Walmart within a forty-mile radius.
My rent was cheap and low enough for me to make it on my jewelry earnings.The building was clean and the landlord lived next door to the premises.The town was almost like a time capsule; there was not a stainless steel appliance to be seen in town and nothing about the place had been updated.Not like Chicago or my last apartment, which had wall-to-wall carpet, marble counters, and stainless steel everything.Despite the differences, I was just fine with Lily; the gas appliances worked excellently, there was plenty of room for me to make jewelry and store all of my other crafts projects.
My father thought I was bat shit crazy.That was alright by me since I had lived his dream for so long; that American one.It was his and no longer mine.
The money I earned was enough for me to live comfortably.The only luxurious thing I owned was my car and I kept it because I loved her.Ann, my vehicle, stayed intact while I traveled across the state lines, through road mishaps, and transitions.She was a great car so she stayed while everything else had to go.Donations, yard sales, and Craigslist were the methods I used to downsize.
“We’re back on the air at WDNJ, your number one source for inspirational music.Call us up if you have a song you are itching to hear…”
I turned the radio down and wiped my face with the back of my hand.The man's story was sad, but I wasn't sure why it brought me to tears.The song was a good one and I often played it on my MP3 player but I had never cried about it.
My grandfather was a veteran.He passed away when I was young.Besides going to see his grave site from time to time, that is the extent of my experience with a veteran.I didn’t know any personally, and it was a huge possibility I didn’t give a person enough of my time to learn this fact.