I paced around the quiet living room, fidgeting and worrying as I tried to figure out what to do. I hated that Cam was pissed at me. I’d never liked fighting with him, not even when we were kids. Frankly, I didn’t like anything that made him unhappy. I’d been able to ignore the gnawing in my stomach every time we’d crossed paths the past four years and I wouldn’t look at him, but that had been pure self-preservation. Even then, it had hurt me to hurt him.
I let Cam sleep for almost an hour before I couldn’t stand it anymore and finally made my decision.
“What’re you doin’?” Cam asked groggily as I slipped into bed beside him.
The sheets were cool against my skin and I shivered, immediately moving toward his body when he reached out an arm to pull me close.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered against his chest.
“Me, too.” He sighed, turning his head to kiss my hair.
My whole body seemed to relax at his words. This was my Cam. He didn’t hold a grudge, and I knew if I never brought up our fight again, he wouldn’t, either.
“I know you wouldn’t hurt me,” I mumbled past the lump in my throat.
“I’m with you, I’m not with anyone else, Bea. Alright? I know a lot of men are cool with that and their women look the other way, but I knew from the moment you busted that chick’s face—that would never be us.”
“I’m jealous.”
“Good.”
“I don’t know how to not be jealous. I just—this feels like it came out of nowhere, and I’m—”
“Mighta came outta nowhere for you—but it feels like I’ve been waitin’ forever.”
“You didn’t act like you were waiting,” I said quietly, before snapping my mouth closed.
“Bea,” he scolded softly. “What was I supposed to do, baby? First you were pissed I was fuckin’ around, but at that time, you were seein’ me in a way that I wasn’t seein’ you. Knew you wanted me—didn’t feel the same. So I tried to keep that shit quiet, didn’t want to hurt your feelings. But you kept pullin’ away, no matter what I did, and after that shit went down at the back of the property when I realized—holy fuck, I’ve got a serious hard on for my best friend and I don’t want her with anyone but me—you wanted nothin’ to do with me.”
“That was never true,” I argued softly.
“Sure as hell felt true. I went from talkin’ to you every day to nothin’.”
“I cried myself to sleep for weeks,” I said, making his entire body stiffen. “Though that probably had a lot to do with the birth control pills I’d started taking. It made me crazy.”
Cam pressed his fingers under my chin, making me raise my face to his. “Why didn’t you come to me?”
“I was embarrassed that you turned me down. Angry. And then I started seeing you with women, and I couldn’t watch that.”
“One word from you, Bea,” he said hoarsely, “One word is all it woulda took. Thought you didn’t give a fuck.”
“I wanted you to figure it out on your own,” I said, laying my head back on his chest.
“Jesus, I’m not a mind reader.”
“I wanted you to not want anyone but me.”
Cam groaned as he lifted and dropped the back of his head against the pillow a couple times. “I’m gonna tell you somethin’ about men, Sweetbea.”
“Oh, this should be good,” I grumbled.
“If a man has a thing for a woman and she wants nothin’ to do with him? He’s gonna get his dick wet someplace else.”
“Charming.”
“Truth. A man may love a woman, but if she ain’t feelin’ that, if there’s no chance of him gettin’ her? He’s gonna get laid someplace else.”
“So, if I’m not putting out—”
“Don’t even go there, Trix,” he growled softly. “Told you I wouldn’t fuck anyone else and I won’t.”
“I know,” I sighed. “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings earlier.”
“You didn’t hurt my feelings,” he replied gruffly. “You pissed me off. You think I’d fuck you and bail? Really?”
I shook my head and Cam kissed my hair.
We went silent for a little while as I listened to Cam’s heart beat beneath my ear.
Cam’s hand traced the tattoo covering my shoulder, then suddenly pressed forward to my collarbone. “You’re naked,” he said, sounding both confused and excited.
“I was hoping if you didn’t forgive me right away, bare skin would sway you in that direction.”
“Damn, I shoulda held out,” he said with a laugh. “Well? Kiss me.”
I leaned up, braced myself on his chest and had to stop and stare at his wide smile. He was so handsome. His light brown hair was kept short and he rarely wore a beard because he hated the way it itched as it grew in, and he was too impatient to wait it out. Blue eyes, long lashes, a nose that had been broken twice, full lips, a strong jawline, and a little mole on his right cheek that I used to stare at when I was ten because I wanted to kiss it. Every single part of him was perfect to me.