What did he love...what? He wasn’t about to say something weird, was he? They’d only slept together once and this was supposed to be a brief fling, not anything serious. But what if he did? How would she answer? What could she say?
He lifted his head to grin at her. ‘I love the fact that you know your way around a microwave. You wouldn’t happen to know your way around a frying pan, would you? Because the housekeeper can’t get back because of the weather. I saw bacon in the freezer and pancake mix in the pantry...’
Breakfast.
He was talking about food.
Getting a bit ahead of yourself there, weren’t you? Idiot.
CHAPTER NINE
THENEXTDAY, Cole stood by the huge windows of the great room, his hands wrapped around a cup of coffee, and stared at the white landscape in front of him. It was exceptionally cold, and the clouds hung low in the sky, threatening to dump another batch of snow onto the three or so feet they’d received the night before.
Cole wasn’t familiar with winter in the Eastern Cape, but this amount of snow seemed excessive. He heard movement in the kitchen and the sound of Lex singing. It took him a while to recognise the chorus because Lex couldn’t hold a tune. Sitting down in one of the huge leather chairs, he rested his ankle on the opposite knee, happy for some time on his own.
What had possessed him to spill his secrets to Lex, to run his mouth? He’d told her more about his family situation than he’d told anyone, and he felt angsty and irritable. She was someone he was having an ultra-brief affair with—she wasn’t a girlfriend. She barely qualified as a friend.
So why then had he rambled on and on?
Cole rubbed the back of his neck, wincing when his cold fingers touched the skin under the collar of his shirt. Lex was temporary, a transient attraction...
Why was he spending so much time convincing himself that she meant nothing to him, reminding himself she was leaving his life? Was he doing that because a part of him—the same part that had trusted her with his hurt and confusion around his family—wanted her to stick around, to be a part of his life going forward?
He couldn’t sustain a relationship with her. He knew he’d bail when he got into waters that were deeper than he liked. A decade ago, he’d had a series of relationships, none of which had worked out. He simply wasn’t any good at them, and within a couple of months he felt as if he had a noose around his neck, all the life and air being squeezed out of him. Some of his previous lovers had offered everything they had, love and acceptance, fidelity and adoration, but it had never felt as though it was enough.
Cole knew, with complete certainty, that he was the problem, not them. He was unable to receive love and, because his failures hurt other people, he’d vowed to keep his relationships shallow and short.
He ran at the first demand of commitment and the tiniest hint of emotional intimacy as soon as a woman started asking for more. The chances were high that he’d do the same thing if he tried to have a relationship with Lex.
He knew that however much he was offered—a woman could hand him her heart on a velvet cushion—it would never be enough. They’d never be able to fill the hole his father’s neglect had left in his life.
And, even if Lex was the one person who could make him feel whole—which was a stretch, but this was a mental exercise and not a lifelong commitment—a relationship between them could never work.
He’d always avoided single mothers and couldn’t see himself being a stepdad. He hadn’t been given the opportunity to be Grenville’s son and had no reference point on how to be a father. And, if continuing his affair with Lex were an option, he’d have to share the little time he had with Lex with her sisters. Not ideal.
Ifs, buts, whats, hows... He sighed. A couple of days, that was all they had, the only commitment he could make.
Lex crossed the great hall to him and held up her phone. ‘I don’t have any signal,’ she told him. ‘And the power has just gone out.’
That wasn’t a surprise. Power and communication were always the first to go in weather events.
‘This place will have a generator,’ Cole told her. ‘There is no way that my father would spend millions on decor and not have a backup plan if the lights went out. It should come on in a few minutes.’
He’d barely finished his sentence when the rumble of the generator drifted over to them and the lights in the great room flickered on.
Lex sat on the arm of his seat and, thinking she was too far away, Cole wrapped his arm around her and pulled her onto his lap. She sat at right angles to him, her back against one arm of the chair, her legs draped over the other. Happy to have her close, he ran a hand over her bright head.
Lex took his mug out of his hand and took a sip. ‘It’s so beautiful. It looks like someone sprinkled icing sugar everywhere. The girls would love this place and would adore the snow.’ She handed him a small smile. ‘I feel a bit guilty that I am here without them.’
Cole picked up his phone, researched some flights and distances, did some mental calculations and looked at his watch. ‘It’s shortly after nine. If we all hustle, we could probably get them here by mid-afternoon.’
Lex stared at him, a frown pulling her eyebrows together. ‘What are you talking about?’
‘A private plane from Durban to East London, a helicopter from East London to here. We could send them back tomorrow.’
Where were these words coming from? Hadn’t he just admitted to himself that he wasn’t prepared to share his time with Lex with anyone else? But he’d seen the yearning on her face and had instinctively wanted to make her happy.
Her mouth fell open and he used his knuckle to lift it close. ‘If they want to see snow, I can make that happen.’