Dex’s eyes flickered with hope that needed to be extinguished. And instead of being offended, this crazy little fuck smiled. “Getting dirty ideas? Here? I don’t think doing any ofthathere would be sanitary.”
Hammer pressed his lips together. He didn’t regret having sex with Dex, and if he were a perfect stranger, Hammer would have had no qualms to do it again before the inevitable parting. But Dex was a blabbermouth, and someone who existed on the periphery of club life. And even if he were discreet, this situation might become a burden. Better to nip it all in the bud.
“No. It was a good way to deal with all the energy, but I don’t want a reprise.”
Dex cocked his head. “That’s a weird way to put it. You’ll want what you want when you want it.”
Hammer needed to change the topic to something safer. “What Iwantis to tell you that you’re one crazy motherfucker. And there I was, thinking you’d be unable to deal with all this meat,” Hammer said, pulling away from Dex and gesturing at all the body parts prepared for grinding. The tigers and Baby would share the load of getting rid of the evidence.
Dex looked thoughtful when he turned back to the table. “Do you think it’s weird? That I’m not freaked out?”
Yes. And it was the same brand of weird Hammer was. But instead of saying what immediately came to his mind, he approached the grinder with the first batch of the meat and shrugged. “Most people have to really get used to this kind of shit. You seem unbothered.”
Dex turned his back on Hammer, and while it offered him a nice view on buns clad in Hello Kitty, right now Hammer would have preferred to see Dex’s expressions.
“I just don’t… feel anything about it. Maybe a bit of a rush, but I’m pretty sure Ishouldreact differently. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s not like I’m some psycho killer who gets off on this. But I also don’t…notlike it, if that makes sense?”
It so fucking did, even though Hammer hadn’t really encountered this kind of sensitivity in people who approached the world with the good humor and openness Dex did. Being in the business he was in, Hammer had known men who seemed unbothered by any atrocity, but none of them have been this… joyful or pleasant to be around.
“I feel the same way. Do you think that is weird?” he asked and switched on the grinder, pushing on the cut forearm so it wouldn’t get stuck in the machine.
Dex turned to him, with childish curiosity on his face. “I don’t know. But I’ve never told anyone the extent of it. I even lied to you before, when you asked me if I broke someone’s bones.” He licked his lips and lowered his voice. “I’ve killed someone before. I had the opportunity, it just made sense, but I wasn’t sorry about it. Frank never kills but he could have gotten Shane to do it, but… I wanted to find out what it’s like to take someone’s life."
Hammer looked back, forgetting the grinder as he took in Dex’s youthful features. “Before today?” he asked, and when Dex nodded, he added, “what happened?”
Dex leaned against the steel table, but wouldn’t meet Hammer’s eyes. “It wasn’t long after I got myself roped into Frank’s business of helping evidence disappear. The hot guy from your club brought this ginger dude with no teeth, but when I took him to be buried in cement, it turned out he was not yet gone. He didn’t exactlywake upeither, you know. He wasn’t… coherent, but I could hear him wheezing, and I knew he was meant to be dead. I got this rush of adrenaline, but I wasn’t scared, so I grabbed a shovel, and stabbed it into his neck as hard as I could. I’m pretty sure I severed his spine, there was this flood of blood, and then it was over. He was dead. I didn’t even have a nightmare after it, or nothing.”
Hammer listened, growing hotter by the second, but not with lust. It was as if he’d found an unpolished diamond in a bucket of coal and was now worried about the implications of this unexpected luck. On the surface, Dex couldn’t have been more different from him, but at the very core, their spirits were similar.
“Didn’t know Ryker had fucked up that kill. Good thinking though. The fucker stole from us, but death itself was punishment enough. No point in making him suffer,” Hammer said and pushed another batch of meat and bone into the grinder.
Dex circled the table to watch Hammer work. “I’m just… wow, it feels good to tell someone. Even the freakiest guys I’ve been with wouldn’t be able to handle this. Well, unless they were full-on psycho, you know? And until today, I haven’t killed anyone else. I don’t seek it out, but I also know that if shit goes down, I won’t hesitate. How about you? Did you not feel remorse the first time?” His brown eyes twinkled with interest, as if he were a curious little boy asking a string ofwhyquestions, yet Hammer saw him in a different light now. Not only due to the killing, but also the fuck. He wasn’t sure where that landed them just yet.
“No.Thatmotherfucker deserved everything that happened. It was after I left juvie and started hitchhiking all over the country. Fucker pushed a lot of booze at me, and I, being a dumb kid, didn’t think it was suspicious. Woke up to him feeling me up. Stabbed him and buried the body. I have never even checked if they found him or if he’s considered missing,” Hammer said, meeting Dex’s gaze. “I was a really angry kid. Don’t know what would have happened if I haven’t stumbled upon the club. I like violence, but they gave it a purpose.”
And now the men who meant more than his birth family had so easily given up on him because of an accusation thrown by Ryker.
It fucking stung.
Dex’s cleaver descended on the decapitated corpse’s thigh in a series of vicious chops until the femur was cut in half. “Did a part of you enjoy the… process?”
“Fuck yeah,” Hammer said, feeling the echo of the righteous anger and satisfaction that accompanied his first kill. “Feels good when they deserve it.”
A smile ghosted across Dex’s lips when he walked over and handed Hammer a chunk of the leg. “Yes, no moral qualms. Just like today. They were attacking, and I could just go for it. I was so pumped, and kinda… proud you saw me get each of them with a single bullet.”
Hammer’s lips stretched. “Right! I forgot to tell you that you’re a damn good shot. That was a real clean job.”
Light erupted in Dex’s eyes like fireworks, and it was kind of cute how eager he was for the praise. “Thanks! I practice a lot. Shooting is one of the things that gets me really focused when I’m in the moment. I can just…” He pointed a finger gun made out of his bloodied gloves at the door and squinted with one eye. “And bam! I like the thrill of the shot itself. It goes through my whole body, and I feelsomething, you know?”
Hammer stared at him. Dex had just described his own feelings. In a world of mediocrity, violence and sex were the beacons of something worth the time and effort. Maybe that was why Dex didn’t fear Hammer and why he was so cool with everything that had happened since the abduction? This kid experienced very little fear in situations that would make most people freak out. Dex might not be the most self-aware of people, or the smartest for that matter, but while he didn’t seem to understand what he was conveying, he did offer Hammer raw access to his thought process, and Hammer could chew through it on his own.
Dex’s grin became a bit sheepish. “I think that’s also why I like extreme sex. It’s such a turn-on when I have adrenaline pumping through my veins. If sex is average, I start to space out, think about my next meal, or the next hook-up really, even when it feels good on the whole. But you?” Dex bit his lip. “Youare savage, man. I wasn’t sure where the floor and where the ceiling were half the time.”
Hammer put more meat into the grinder. What man didn’t like to have his bedroom performance complimented? Yet he’d already told Dex that they wouldn’t be doing that anymore, so what was this segway? Did Dex simply say whatever came to his mind, without regard to whether it was appropriate, or was this an attempt to make Hammer think about their rough tumble again?
“We shouldn’t get back to this.”
The souring expression on Dex’s face told Hammer that it had been the latter. “I’m just saying. Was that a first time for you with a guy? Nothing wrong with exploring things you might enjoy.”