“Astrid? Care to let me in on your internal monologue? It looks interesting from over here.”
There was a touch of amusement in his voice.
She considered not answering, or answering with a lie, but she felt compelled to know how he would respond to what was really inside her head. So she told him what she'd just been thinking, practically letting her thoughts of only moments before spill out word for word.
Angel continued playing. He didn't miss a note.
“Would it interest you to know I've never killed a woman? I've never killed anyone I haven't been paid to kill, and they were all men. My interactions with women are strictly for pleasure. I've never hit a woman outside of play in the dungeon, and I definitely don't leave behind permanent marks.”
A shiver skated up her spine. “How many women have you brought here?”
“Dozens.”
“And where are they now?”
“At work, I presume. They were escorts.”
“Oh.” Well, that was comforting at least. If he was telling the truth. “What will happen when you get bored with me?”
“That's very unlikely, but if I somehow lost my good taste and got bored with you, I wouldn't kill you, if that's what you're asking.”
“Okay.” What else could she say to that? Could she even trust him?
This still didn't explain what hewoulddo. Would he let her go then? If he lost interest? The idea of him losing interest was suddenly upsetting on a level totally separate from 'what he would do with her'. She found she didn't want him to lose interest—if he really wouldn't hurt her. In fact, it was the only thing that stood between her and 'enjoying the fall' as Angel had put it—the fear that she would willingly give in, and that he would take that trust and use it to abuse her.
If there had been no Joey and if she didn't know what Angel did for a living, Angel was exactly the kind of man she would have fantasized about and wished for. Wealthy, even-tempered, capable of protecting her, good looking, and absolutely consumed with her. Could her attraction to him be somewhat normal after all? What if she'd found out about what he did long after they were bonded?
It had been that way with Joey, but Joey was abusing women. Selling them. Doing sick, twisted things that were unforgivable. Angel was killing people like Joey. He was doing the world a favor. Joey profited off the pain and suffering of innocents. Angel profited off the pain and suffering of the guilty. These things were only the same by the most simplistic, surface understanding of the world.
She'd lived in Joey's world long enough to know that Angel killing him was a just act—an act no one else seemed willing to perform. Where had the institutions meant to protect and serve as well as punish the guilty been while Joey was torturing innocent women—Astrid among them?
The fact that Angel was financially rewarded for the lives he took, somehow seemed just in itself. She knew too much about what Joey had been into to see it any other way now that the immediate panic and fear of Angel was beginning to fade and her ability to think clearly was returning.
She watched him as he played the piano, seemingly lost in music centuries removed from him. An intensity built in him as he played. It was an intensity that had been present the night before in his bed and which she desperately wanted aimed in her direction again. If it could somehow be safe.
It occurred to her that it was possible Angel was exactly the kind of man she'd truly craved from the beginning. Joey had merely been a false positive. Qualities she'd thought she'd seen in Joey early on had been something quite different. It was sometimes hard to tell the difference in a man who was dangerous in all the right ways versus a man who was dangerous to her.
The world of sexual choices for a woman now were divided into completely weak, pandering men and men who would hurt her. Where were the strong, alpha males who would keep her safe? Why were the choices... a man who would be kind to her but couldn't protect or excite her... or an abuser?
Astrid had beaten herself up endlessly for choosing a man like Joey. For choosing wrong. But she hadn't chosen Angel... so why not just see where it could go? In any event, pissing him off wasn't exactly a sane survival strategy just so she could have the virtue of not giving in to another monster. And what if Angelwasthat man she so fervently wished existed?
Who was there left in the world to judge her? Who could wag their finger or say “I told you to stay away from men like this, Astrid”? It was increasingly likely that Angel would never let her go, and that any attempt of escape on her part would be just as weak and doomed to fail as today's attempt. And escape to what? The clutches of Little Tony? One of Joey's other goons?
The absolute best-case scenario was somehow fully escaping Joey's world and all his sordid underworld associates and ending up settling down with a man who drank soy lattes and microbrews unironically. Both outcomes sounded like hell. What if Angel and what he offered was real?
“You're stalling. Strip. Do my game today, and we'll do your game of twenty questions tomorrow.”
He still sounded amused. Not angry, or impatient. Astrid was sure it was because he knew he'd won. He somehow knew she'd crossed this distressing bridge in her mind and now she was ready to play this game with him. Even though she was afraid it was stupid to trust him, she was willing to go along for the ride. Because really, what other option was there? If her only issue was that she was afraid he might hurt her—even though she had no evidence yet that he would. Especially given that, inconvenient realities of how they met aside, he was the total package. And the other male options in the world involved far too much soy.
In any other scenario, scores of women would have clawed Astrid's eyes out just to get a chance to be with Angel. And here he was, his entire, total focus... on her.
Finally making up her mind, Astrid went over to the pole. She'd never stripped to classical music before, but there was a first time for everything. She untied the robe and let it pool at her feet. Then she grabbed the bar to steady herself as she slowly swayed with the music. Fuck all the reasons this might be stupid. It was stupider to keep fighting when she was so attracted and hadn't chosen any of this to begin with.
“Good girl,” Angel said. “I want you to move so that the pole is between your legs and grind and slide up against it.”
Had he really just said that? Oh please let this guy be the real deal.
He continued to play but didn't take his eyes off her as she obeyed his order trying not to let such simple words from him completely undo her.