I had almost forgotten how beautiful she was in the years that I had been away. Now, there’s no escape from my pant-tightening thoughts because she’s living in my goddamn house. Maybe I should have thought this through a little more first. It doesn’t matter—it’s done. I needed someone to watch Teddie, and Ineededto see Tabitha. Whether or not sticking her in my house as a live-in nanny was a good idea or not is irrelevant because she’s here now.
When I get back home, I look around to see where Tabitha and Teddie are without calling for them. I’m not reallytryingto sneak up on her, I’m just curious about how they’re getting along. I know Tabitha doesn’t have any experience with kids, and Teddie doesn’t have a mom anymore, so I suppose this could all wind up blowing up in my face.
But when I round the hallway corner and peek into my son’s bedroom, I am pleasantly surprised. The two of them are cuddled up on the bed together—Tabitha is reading one of his favorite books, and Teddie looks like he is almost asleep. His hand is resting on the side of her arm, and his other hand is clutching his bear, Archie. I’ve never seen him affectionate with anyone before, and after only one day it seems that he has already taken to Tabitha.
I turn and walk away quietly so that I don’t disturb them and head back to my room to get changed out of my work clothes. The sight of the two of them warmed my heart and should be making me feel happy as though I’ve made the right decision bringing her here, but instead, all that I feel isguilt.
I love my son dearly, but I can’t help but wish that I had made different choices and that it had beenTabithathat I had gotten together with instead of Teddie’s mom. I wouldn’t trade him for the whole world, but I might trade the circumstance. Tabitha has been sweeter to him in one day than his mom was in years.
I pull on a pair of comfortable joggers and slide a white T-shirt over my head before going to pour myself a drink. It’s been a long day and a scotch by the fireplace is calling my name. I peek in on Teddie and find him fast asleep, give him a kiss on his cheek and pull the blanket up around him and Archie. Then, I go to pour that drink.
With my glass in hand, I go to check on Tabitha to see how the day went, but she isn’t in her room. I find her reading in the living room by the fireplace.
“It’s my favorite room of the house too,” I say with a smile as I step into the room to join her. “Do you want a drink?”
She eyes the amber liquid in my glass longingly but shakes her head. I know she wants one, but she seems determined not to let me influence her at all while she is here.
“How was your day with Teddie?” I ask. “Everything go okay?”
“Yep, everything was fine. He’s a sweet kid. We played and read books, and he introduced me to Archie.”
“Nice,” I chuckle. Archie seems to be a good icebreaker. “He seems to really like you.”
“How do you know that?”
“I peeked in on the two of you reading a book.”
“So, you werespyingon me?” she asks with a raised eyebrow. “I thought I heard you come in.”
“I don’t really think it’s possible for me to be spying inside my own house.”
“I need privacy if you want me to live here,” she says sharply. “Not while reading a book to Teddie, of course, but in general.”
“Of course,” I nod in agreement. She seems to be on the defensive and I don’t know why. To my knowledge, I haven’t done anything to piss her off. Hell, I haven’t even been home today until just a few moments ago. She can’t harp on the past forever. I know it was bad, what I did, but it was too long ago for her to still be holding a grudge.
“Come on,” I say with a grin. “I know you want a drink—who doesn’t want a top-shelf scotch by a crackling fire?”
Tabitha stares at me as if I am somehow acting inappropriately.
“What are you doing?” she asks.
I don’t answer because I’m not sure that I understand the question being asked of me.
“This is ajob,” she continues. “Nothing more. I don’t want to share a drink with you, Hunter, and just because I am living here as the nanny doesn’t mean that I want to spend my free time with you either. I don’t know what you thought would happen by bringing me here, but Icannotdo this with you again.”
Her eyes are filled with anger and her voice sounds bitter. It frustrates me to the point of lashing out at her.
“What the hell is your problem, Tabitha? I am offering you more than you could ever want. You’re living in the nicest house you’ve ever lived in, making more money than you could even dream of, and you can’t even find the decency to beniceto me?”
She snorts and glares at me as she tosses her book on the couch beside her and stands up.
“Nice? Are you fucking kidding me? You’re delusional if you think that this house and this salary are the things that I have always wanted. Do you know what I wanted, you asshole?You! I wanted you and you went and blew it between us.”
For a second, she hesitates, and Ialmostreach out to grab her in my arms. I don’t even know what I would have said or done in that moment. I just have the overwhelming urge to hold her. But before I can act on it, she storms out of the room, and I am left sitting there in the room alone and feeling angry about all of it.
I hear the bathwater start and I sip my scotch as I stare into the blazing fireplace.
I’ve been through a lot too. She has no right to act like she is the only one who has suffered. She could at least be a little bit grateful to me for what I have offered her, and a bit more understanding of the situation that I am in. After all, it’s not like this arrangement isn’t benefitting her too,greatly.