“No,” I lie. “Just doing some brooding out here by myself.”
She grins, walking over to me, a puffy jacket held close around her body. “Oh, well I can leave you to it, then.”
“It’s fine, the more the merrier.”
We both look out at the night sky in silence for a few minutes. I hear her take a breath to steady herself before she speaks again.
“You’re out here thinking about her, aren’t you?”
I know exactly who she means because she’s right. There’s no reason to lie. “Yes.”
“You still miss her?” she asks softly.
“Every second of every day,” I admit. “But it doesn’t matter. I need to move on, but I just can’t bring myself to let her go.”
“Do you really think it’s over between the two of you? If you're still so in love, don’t you hold out some sort of hope?”
I shake my head. “It’s over. We are incompatible, and there is nothing to be done for it.”
“Oh,” Tatiana breathes, tucking a small lock of hair behind her ear. “She doesn’t even know how lucky she is to have had your devotion like that. I mean… she’s even lucky now, just because you’re missing her.”
Tatiana’s words are so kind that it touches the most painful part of my soul, and for a brief flash of time, it feels better. “You’re too good for this world, Tati.”
She looks up at me, eyes soft and liquid. “Not good enough for—never mind.”
I know what she was about to say, but I let the statement die, knowing it can only hurt us both. Instead, I put an arm around her shoulders and pull her close in a loose embrace. “You’re a good friend, Tatiana. I can be nothing but a friend to you, but I’d love to spend more time together. You’re good for my sour personality, Flower Girl.”
She hugs me back, tighter. “I’d like that.”
Holding her slight frame, I feel a rush of guilt at not being able to fall for her or have feelings for her. She deserves everything under the sun. Anything she wants.
“Thank you for your support,” I tell her. “I know I don’t deserve your friendship, but I’m going to take it anyway.”
She giggles in my embrace before pulling away. “That’s fine. It’s freely given.”
“Good,” I say simply, and we go back to watching the stars on the horizon.
Meanwhile, the curtains move the slightest bit behind us, a small dot of light appearing before it disappears just as quickly, and everything goes still again.
11
Amsterdam, January 16, 2022
Roxanne
I hate being backin Karl’s house, but so far he has kept things completely professional, to the point that at first he acted like he hadn’t tried to get me into his bed the last time we saw each other. But when he called asking for four girls, as well as a bonus to make up for how quickly he needed them, I couldn’t say no. The girls would want the money, and frankly, so did I.
So without asking if I was invited, I brought the girls myself, and stayed close by the entire time while Karl’s dinner-party raged on. Well, rage is a strong word. His parties are usually full of older men; business acquaintances that he’s trying to impress, and what’s more impressive than a beautiful, willing young woman? The partygoers aren’t exactly party animals because of their age, but otherwise Karl’s get-togethers are great for business, his and mine alike. The party started soon enough, around seven p.m., and the girls are being paid for four hours of service. So I’ll be here with them until eleven.
As the night wore on, my previous client became more and more friendly with me. At first I spurned him completely, but eventually he had me laughing, and I let my guard down. Damn him. I don’t know how I keep falling into this stupid trap, but I guess I’m just too curious to refuse a private meeting with him to hear about a peculiar business proposition he's got for me.
As I wait for Karl to join me into his study, I feel my phone vibrate in my clutch, and I pull it out. It’s a message from…Elise?
I open the text out of curiosity, and the picture makes me flush angrily, while simultaneously fighting back the tears that are making themselves known in the corners of my eyes. It’s a picture of Andries and Tatiana, embracing on the terrace at the Van Den Bosch estate.
Elise: Looks like he’s found the perfect match, and to no one's surprise, it isn’t you.
I could write a novel in response, tearing her down, but I don’t. I just shove the phone back onto my clutch and click it shut, forcing myself to focus on the moment.