He got me a few baby books and even the cutest damn pair of baby booties to match an ornament he got me. When I opened it, my eyes welled up with tears and he immediately pulled me into his lap. I felt silly and buried my face in his chest.
“Don’t cry, Justice,” he whispered against my hair.
“I don’t even know why I’m emotional about this,” my voice was muffled against his chest. “It’s silly that I am.”
“No,” his voice was firm, “it’s not silly.” He paused for a moment as if debating his next words. “Do you like the ornament?”
I jerked back from his chest and looked up into his eyes. “I love it,” I breathed out and he graced me with one of his huge smiles.
“Good,” there was so much relief on his face. “I wanted you to always remember this Christmas as the one where you went after what you wanted and were true to yourself. I also wanted to be able to remember our first Christmas as something more.”
He kissed my forehead and then tipped my chin up a little more so he could kiss my lips. I melted against him and deepened the kiss. It felt so right being in his arms with my lips against his. It was like, just for a second, everything fell into place.
We hung the ornament on the tree and snuggled together for a little while. I don’t know why I did it, I could call it a lapse in judgement or a moment of clarity. It’s the only explanation I have.
I blurted, “I don’t want to tell anyone at home about us seeing where this goes.” Corbin stilled and I turned toward him slowly to find his face blank. “I just don’t want them to get all weird about it, especially since we’ve known each other for so long.”
“Okay,” he sounded cautious and guarded. I hated it.
“I just don’t want everyone to make a big deal about it. They’ll ask how it happened. I don’t want to talk about trying to get pregnant.”
He nodded slowly and I could see hurt in his brown eyes. “If that’s what you want,” his voice wasn’t cold, but it was a little detached.
I regretted my words almost instantly. I couldn’t take them back though.
Now we’ve been here for a few hours and have gotten through dinner. Corbin didn’t touch me at all while we were eating. He’s looked at me, but his eyes are guarded and flat.
I fucked up. I can admit that.
I don’t even know why I said it. I think it was just fear bubbling up again. My family have known him almost as long as I have. Mom would probably be planning the wedding immediately if she thought, for even a moment, there’s something between us.
I’m not ready for that.
I’m not saying I’m not enjoying being with Corbin and seeing what this thing between us is. I do enjoy it. A lot and not just because of the orgasms.
I like spending time with him, even though I’ve done it for so long, this feels different. I get to see more of him, both with the amount of time we’ve spent together and seeing other sides of him. Like how damn thoughtful the ornament was or the baby clothes he got me. He kept it gender neutral, but the little animal onesies are adorable. He even got our nonexistent baby a super soft baby blanket.
It was so damn sweet. I swear my ovaries exploded the moment I opened them. Then I had to go and put my foot in my mouth about not being open with my family.
I’m sure my family won’t be happy either when they find out we weren’t forthcoming. I don’t think Hale and Dad want to know about our sex life or anything, but I’m sure they’ll feel like we lied to them. Of course, that’s assuming this is something that lasts.
As much as I might want it to be true, which I can now admit, that doesn’t mean it’s true.
My mom looks at Corbin and gives him a big smile. “I’ve been listening to your show. I love it.” She winks at him. “You give some great advice to your listeners.”
He shrugs and shoots Mom a boyish grin. “Usually I’m just making things up as I go along.”
Mom laughs, the sound light and full of joy. She’s considered Corbin her son for a long time, especially after finding out about his parents divorcing and it not being pleasant. She took him under her wing and wasn’t going to hear anything negative about it.
Corbin deserved to have a family and his was falling apart in front of him. I don’t know how I would have handled that kind of situation. I was always so happy we could give him a safe place where he felt welcomed.
Maybe I’m not giving my family enough credit to be supportive of us being together. I know I’m not, actually.
When I open my mouth to spill, the words get clogged in my throat. I look at Corbin out of the side of my eye and he’s already looking at me. His eyes are a little sad, but then he focuses back on Mom.
“You know,” he leans toward her as if he’s going to confess something, “when I give the best advice it’s because I’m thinking about the relationship you have and the example it set for me. What you have is special.”
Mom looks over at Dad who is currently talking to Sterling. Okay, it does look a little more like an interrogation, but that’s semantics. I want to reach over and grab Corbin’s hand to give it a squeeze and it kills me that I can’t.