“Yeah. But I just… if we pranked them now, we could claim that they deserved it because of that day. But then they could claim that I deserved it because of the way I went after them. And it’ll never end.”
“True,” Penny said, sounding thoughtful. “I still don’t get why you did that. I’d never heard you go off on anyone like that before.”
Lila’s sigh was audible even from where I hid in the kitchen. “I know. I don’t really know why I did that, either.”
There was silence again, and I pictured Penny reaching out and patting Lila’s hand. “It might be something worth thinking about,” Penny said at last.
“Yeah, you’re right.” There was the sound of a chair pushing back from the table. “But for now, let’s get to work on those dishes.”
I slipped silently out the side door and darted downstairs to the rec room. I suspected it would be a long time before I could get the conversation I’d just overheard out of my mind.
21
LILA
The black dress I wore was much too small for me. My mom had gotten it for me in middle school when I’d been part of the school choir. Now it felt tight and restrictive as I entered the church.
Go back.
I looked around, trying to figure out who said that. I couldn’t go back. He was my father.
This already happened. It’s a dream.
Ever since I’d come home from school and found my dad in his favorite armchair, I’d hoped with all my heart that it was just a really bad dream. But it wasn’t.
Mom and I sat in the front pew. I looked everywhere except at the coffin. Dad wasn’t supposed to be in there. He was supposed to be at the kitchen table, eating dinner. Or at his job at the factory. Or out in the garage, working on his Ford Torino while the neighborhood boys watched in awe.
He wasn’t supposed to be here.
Wake up. Don’t do this to yourself.
The minister talked as if he knew my dad, but he didn’t. Very few of these people did. I peeked around the room from under my bangs. There were men from the factory, and even some of the bosses he’d hated. And women from my mom’s work. People from the neighborhood. And—
I froze, because I saw a face I wasn’t expecting to see. A face that didn’t belong here.
Or did it?
“Lila, honey, wake up. You’re having a nightmare.”
The voice barely registered, but somehow, I knew it was different from the voice that had been in my head a moment ago.
Something touched my forehead. “Come on, sweetheart, wake up.”
My eyes flew open, and I strained to draw in a breath. Brady was on the bed next to me, concern in his eyes as he cupped my chin and tilted my face to his. “You’re okay, Lila. You’re okay. It was just a dream.”
“He—he wasn’t supposed to be there,” I gasped.
“Just breathe, Lila. Take a deep breath.”
I did as Brady said, my chest rising and falling under the covers as I took in as much air as I could. Brady was still cupping my face, but when I pulled back, he let go.
“Better?” he asked when my breathing slowed.
“Yeah.” Kind of.
He touched my arm. “You scared me. I heard you crying out from halfway across the house.”
I frowned. “Didn’t Penny hear me?”