And even on the off chance she did go for it, what happened when the relationship inevitably fell apart, like every one of mine had in my past? It’d be too messy or hard to keep working together.
Nina and Scott made it work.
But they had to be the exception, plus they were fifteen years older than Mads and I. They knew who they were and where they were in their life.
Mads and me? We were still figuring it out.
Once we made it upstairs, I led her down the hall and ducked into Jorge’s room where I’d stashed my backpack and clothes.
She waited until I shut the door. “What’s happened?”
I didn’t want to tell her. I shoved one leg into my shorts, then the other, and pulled them up under my pink skirt, making the paper crinkle.
Her tone was sharp. “Colin.”
I tore the skirt free, balled it up and tossed it in the overflowing garbage can beside Jorge’s desk. “Riley knows.”
“Riley knows . . . what?”
I snapped off the bowtie and tossed it on the pile. “He knows you’re Annika Adore.”
She recoiled so hard, it flung her back, and betrayal flooded her eyes. “You told him?”
“What? No.” I scowled. “I’d never.” I jammed my head through the neck hole of my shirt and jerked it on. “Apparently, he’s one of Lexi Grey’s super fans.”
Her voice turned small. “Oh.” Then her shoulders slumped as she continued to absorb what this could mean. “Who else knows?”
“No one, or so he says.”
“You believe him?”
I lifted one shoulder. “Honestly? I’m not sure. But we did come to an understanding about him not telling anyone else.”
Her shoulders pulled back. “How’s that?”
“I told him to keep his mouth shut about you, and I’d keep mine shut about him cheating.”
“And that worked? I thought you were on the course when it happened and didn’t see.”
“I didn’t, but I talked to Elijah. He’s the guy who was the—”
“I know who he is,” she snipped. “And so, he confirmed it?” Her tone turned bitter. “Told you that I wasn’t lying after all?”
I was slow to understand why her attitude had changed so abruptly, but then it hit me. Even though I’d told her I believed her—she thought I hadn’t meant it.
“You’ve got it wrong. I confronted Elijah because I believed you,” I said. “I didn’t go to him for confirmation.”
She pulled in a deep breath. She wanted what I’d said to be true, but she was hesitant. “Then why’d you confront him?”
“I needed to know why he’d lied about it.”
“Did he tell you?”
I relayed the same story he’d given me, how he had frozen in the moment and then been persuaded by Riley to back him up. That he was biased against the Lambdas because one of her sisters had rejected him.
“I don’t know if I can force him to come forward,” I said, “but I made Riley think I could, so hopefully it’s enough to keep him quiet.”
Her gaze drifted down as she thought about something, and then worry etched her face. “If he knows about me performing with Abbie, then he knows about you too.”
“Yeah.”
Her worry turned to confusion. “But you’re only concerned that he knows about me. Why?”
“Because he’s not going to do anything to me. He thinks I’m a god, living the dream.” I sighed. “I don’t like him having that kind of leverage on you. It feels dangerous, and I fucking hate the idea that he’s . . . seen you. That he can watch you whenever he wants.”
This jealousy made no sense. I’d been with her when she’d performed with Scott, and I’d watched her scene with Jaquan once it had gone live on the site. I hadn’t felt an ounce of possessiveness then.
All it’d done was get me hard as a rock.
But Riley caused a different kind of response. The desire I felt now was to shield and protect her.
Not that she needed my help. She lifted her chin, striving to look strong. “I know, but we can’t control that.” Her voice softened. “But thanks for trying, Colin.”
I nodded.
The mood in the room shifted, and I didn’t miss the way her gaze darted to Jorge’s bed. I was sure she was wondering if my friend would be upset if we used it.
My heart thudded painfully. I knew what I needed to do, but still I fought against it.
“I don’t have a final tomorrow,” she said. Her voice was uneven, but her expression was sure. “In case you wanted to finish what you started the other night.”
“Fuck, I do, but . . .” It killed me to say it. “We can’t.”
Surprise flitted through her. “Why not?”
“You didn’t want to kiss me because you said you didn’t want to know how you feel about me. Well, now you do—and guess what?” I gave her a determined look. “I feel the same way.”