“…we can have the wedding before the month is out…”
“…he'll want to continue the family line as soon as possible…”
“…Andrew and Diana will be there, of course, unless she is… indisposed by that time…”
However Henrietta might have originally intended her words, they now haunted Diana like vengeful demons.
The life she saw stretching out ahead held no value for her. But still, it had worth for her family, she supposed, and she must live it for them if not for herself, without joy. For a moment, she remembered the joy of her walk in the woods with Edmund that day, but the memory of such happiness made her present state seem even more grim.
Most immediately, Diana was dreading the walk with Andrew that afternoon. It was clear that they had as little in common now as when they were children and that his adult disregard for her was even greater than that of his youth. After last night, she did not believe that she could ever come to like him, never mind love him as a wife should.
Still, there was no way out of it, barring feigning a broken ankle or illness, both of which would only bring greater anxiety to her family. Even if she did attempt to avoid Andrew’s company today, it would not change the fact that the wedding date was in the process of being set and could take place within a matter of weeks.
The night would still come when she must get into bed with that boorish, selfish man and do whatever married couples did. His bulk intimidated her, and she suspected that Andrew would not care if he hurt her, or perhaps even notice.
Rising abruptly to escape from her intrusive thoughts, Diana opened the curtains and splashed cold water on her face from the washstand in the corner. Moping about her fate was not going to help anyone. There was a household still to be run at Fernside, and if she could not be happy, she could at least be useful.
* * *
“Is Edmund not joining us?” Diana asked Percy and Jacob as the three of them sat down for their usual coffee and cake mid-morning. Having eaten breakfast before the rest of the household rose, Diana had not seen any of them yet that day.
“Edmund has some business letters to write,” Jacob said. “I believe they will occupy him until later this afternoon. He asked me to pass on his apologies to your cousins if he is unable to join us for nuncheon.”
Diana nodded. While she thought it was probably wisest that she and Edmund avoid one another from now on, she did feel a pang at his absence. There was also a wistfulness at the thought that he, Jacob, and Percy would likely organize their own outing with Kitty while she was occupied with Andrew.
Lady Birks and her children, having still not arrived by half past one, Diana went to sit with her father, relieving her mother’s vigil for a short time.
When she took Richard’s unresisting hand between her own, the skin was warm, and Diana imagined that his color looked better today. She did not allow herself to go further and imagine that his health would return, but she did begin to talk to him.
“Aunt Henrietta and Cousin Andrew are visiting today, Father. You’ll be pleased to know that she has all the wedding preparations in hand, just as you wanted. I only wish…”
Diana hesitated, afraid to say certain things aloud, even though her father was unconscious and no one else was in the room.
“I only wish I could be happier…” Unable to stop herself, she burst into quiet sobs. “I don’t want to marry Cousin Andrew, Father. I wish so badly that I didn’t have to. I wish that you could see for yourself the kind of man he is.”
Had she imagined the slight pressure of his fingers on her hands? Diana dismissed the idea. Her mother had imagined such things before, and then their hopes had been dashed.
“He doesn’t love me, and I can never love him,” Diana continued. “I don’t even understand why he would want to marry me. He doesn’t even like me. And why must it be so quick, with my Season cancelled and you in your sickbed? I’m not ready for this. Oh, I wish I could just talk to you again. Why did you have to get sick, Father?”
This time, the pressure of her Father’s hand on hers was unmistakable.
“Father? Can you hear me?” Diana gasped, leaning forward over the bed. She saw signs of movement on his pale, grey-haired face on the pillow. Her father’s eyes opened and fixed on her with clear effort.
“Diana…” he breathed. “Diana… wedding…”
“Father! Do not overstrain yourself. I will summon the doctor immediately. Be still and save your strength.”
Running from the room, Diana almost collided with Lady Birks, who was walking briskly in through the front door while her son alighted from the carriage more slowly and stretched his legs on the driveway.
“Heavens, child! What are you about?” her aunt exclaimed.
“It’s Father, I think he’s waking up!” Diana told her excitedly. “I must find Mother, and we must summon Dr. Hughs.”
“Good heavens! Can it be?” her aunt exclaimed, clearly just as shocked as Diana. “Go and find Lady Templeton immediately, but do not distress her. I will go through to your father straight away.”
With an expression of resolution, Lady Birks headed directly towards the sick room as Diana dashed away in the opposite direction.
Like a mad creature, Diana tasked Jenson to summon Dr. Hughs and then ran upstairs to seek out her mother. Despite her aunt’s warning, her own excitement was transmitted quickly to Lady Templeton.