He was giving her a choice. They could put an end to this fierce attraction between them now. It would still be hard, but there would be no consequences. If they continued to meet in secret like this, the risks grew. Not just that they would be discovered, but that their feelings would grow stronger still and make the eventual parting so much harder to bear.
Theydidneed to be prepared for that parting if they continued. She must harden her heart, ever so slightly. She must separate her body from her heart and mind, in one sense. And if she could not do that, then she must end this now, or risk being entirely broken-hearted.
He was telling her he was prepared to do it—to walk away from her without a backward glance when that time arrived. Her heart quivered again at the thought. But she knew he was being practical, and that it was necessary. If they were to continue indulging in this together, then they must both be aware that it would surely end.
“My family is pressuring me to court,” she said in a halting voice. “They have chosen a local gentleman for me.” Her eyes filled with tears again. “I care nothing for him, but I must do my duty. I hope you understand.”
She saw a flash of pain on his face. “I see,” he whispered. “Of course. I would expect it eventually. I can handle it. I have no choice.” He paused. “My desire for you is that strong, you see.”
Evelina sighed heavily. She felt a weight of bittersweet sorrow in her chest, lodged firmly like a rock. He was willing to accept it. And if he could, so could she.
“I cannot stop,” she whispered. “Nor do I want to. I realise that there is no future in this for us. I am prepared to accept that. Come what may.”
Chapter 19
The next morning, Jude tensed as he watched Evelina leaving the house, walking towards the carriage. His heart somersaulted in his chest as he beheld her.
She looked so beautiful in her silk blue gown with tiny pink rosebuds embroidered on the bodice, but also every inch the lady of the manor. Her raven black hair was sleek beneath her prim bonnet, not the tangle of curls he had plunged his hands into the previous evening. He was beset by the notion that perhaps he had imagined the whole encounter.
She was pulling on her gloves as she approached. He shook away the vision of her from the night before, springing into action, opening the carriage door.
“Thank you, Jude,” she said in a neutral voice. “Are you ready for our next rehearsal?”
He grinned at her. “As ready as I will ever be, milady.”
Their eyes met and locked. There it was, the same sizzle of attraction that they had both given free rein the night before. The woman who had melted with desire in his arms was still there beneath the surface of the lady of the manor.
But suddenly, their connection was broken by the sound of horses’ hooves thundering up the driveway. Evelina’s jaw dropped, her eyes widening as she looked just beyond his shoulder.
“Mr Beaumont,” she said, her voice filled with astonishment.
Jude turned, seeing the figure on horseback. It was the same gentleman he had seen walking with her on the grounds the other day. The man was clutching a posy of red flowers. His face tightened as he watched the man dismount from the horse, striding towards Evelina.
“What are you doing here?” she blurted.
The gentleman looked askance. He thrust the posy of flowers into her hands. “Why, I am here to call upon you, my lady,” he said, fixing her with a crooked smile. “What else?”
Evelina gaped down at the posy. “Thank you,” she said. “But I am afraid I am just leaving the house, Mr Beaumont.”
The gentleman frowned. “Where are you off to?”
“Charingworth,” she replied quickly. “I have a pantomime rehearsal, you see. I cannot miss it. I do apologise.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Pantomime? Oh yes, you mentioned you were doing that the other day.” He sighed heavily, then his expression brightened. “How about I accompany you?”
Evelina looked shocked. “Accompany me? But… there will be nothing for you to do. I will be occupied.”
He shrugged. “It is no matter. We can go for a walk in the village afterwards.” His smile widened. “I can watch the rehearsal or fill in the time in another way.” He paused. “You do not want me to have ridden all this way for nothing, my lady?”
Jude glared at the man. He was putting Evelina on the spot, and it was quite rude. And he was fairly certain now that this was the gentleman she had told him about last night, the one her family was pressuring her to court.
He hadn’t asked her if it was the same gentleman he had seen her walking beside on the grounds. He hadn’t really wanted to talk any further with her about it, because it had been hard enough to accept what she was telling him as it was.
“Of course not,” said Evelina, her voice filled with uncertainty. “I suppose that it is possible…”
“Good,” said the gentleman, climbing into the carriage. “Let us away, then.”
Evelina gaped at him. Her eyes flickered towards Jude for a moment. Then, with a sigh, she climbed into the carriage, settling herself beside the gentleman.