“Wait,” she whispered, giving him a small smile.
She started lighting candles until the whole room was filled with flickering light. Then she put down the lantern, turning to him.
“This is the hiding place,” she said. “They built it when the manor was first constructed back in Tudor times.”
Jude smiled. “I see,” he said, gazing around the room. “And why was it built?”
“Because of religious persecution,” she replied. “Back in those days, our family was Catholic, at a time when it was risky. You see, King Henry was persecuting Catholics. It forced my family to go underground to worship the way they wanted to.”
She pointed to the crucifix above the cabinet. “Mass was said in here in secret,” she continued. “Away from the main house, where there could be spying eyes. And it was always understood that if the manor was attacked, the family would hide here.” She paused. “Although thankfully, that never happened.”
Jude stared at the crucifix. It was unbelievable to him that this secret place even existed, and that she knew so much about it. So many years of family history were here. And it was quite a story, too.
He was suddenly overcome with a sense of loss. The same loss he had been feeling ever since he could remember. He would never have something like this. His family was unknown, lost, out of reach. Not just the members of it that might still be alive, but the history.
He kept gazing around the room. He knew, of course, that there would be nothing like this in his own family history. More than likely, he had come from an obscure, poor family who would never have stayed in one house from generation to generation.
That was the privilege of the wealthy and titled. But still, he would never know who his great grandparents were, what lives they had lived, where they had settled… the stories of his forefathers’ lives that were passed on through word of mouth. He would never know any of it.
“I am sorry,” said Evelina, in a faltering voice, as she gazed at him. “I forgot that something like this might be… painful for you, given your life's circumstances.”
He turned to her, gazing at her intently. “None of that is your fault, nor should it take away from this,” he said slowly. “It truly is a wonderful place.”
She smiled. “It is,” she said. “I often used to come here when I was little.” She laughed at the memory. “I used to take the key and make it my own secret hiding place. I used to raid the larder in the kitchen for cakes and biscuits. My nanny used to scold me for hiding from her.”
He laughed with her. “I can almost see you in here,” he said. “I think you might have always been a dreamer.”
Their eyes fixed and held. He felt a jolt right down the centre of him.
“You must know how I feel about you,” he said in a strangled voice. “I have tried to stop it, but it seems it is pointless to even try.” He took a deep, shuddering breath. “I think you feel it, too.”
She didn’t drop her eyes. She kept gazing straight into his own eyes.
“I do feel it,” she said slowly. “That is why we are here. That is why I agreed to you taking the role in the pantomime. Because I cannot deny it… and nor do I wish to deny it any longer.”
He watched her walking towards him as if in a dream. When he pulled her into his arms, he knew that he couldn’t deny it any longer, either. He was the luckiest man to have ever lived to be holding such a treasure as her.
Chapter 18
Evelina gasped in her throat as she felt Jude’s lips on her own again. At long last. She felt like she had been wandering in the desert for days, parched, and had finally stumbled upon water. This was the elixir of life that she had been craving.
She didn’t think any longer. She didn’t think about the danger, or the potential consequences, or how long it would last. None of it mattered in this moment.
She knew that this was going to happen. She had deliberately arranged to meet him in private and led him here, to a place which she knew was secret, and they wouldn’t be discovered. The recklessness had been growing within her for the entire day, brought on by the sensual tension brewing between them at the rehearsal and the fair.
But it had solidified after she had managed to speak to her father privately, after days of trying to find an opportunity. When she had walked into the house, she discovered him alone in his study. Richard was visiting an old friend. She had seized the chance, of course.
But her father hadn’t responded the way she had hoped he would to her entreaties. If he promised to not foist Mr Beaumont upon her, she would focus on socialising and courting.
Instead, he had remained stony faced, repeating that he and Richard were of one mind on the matter, and Sir Henry was more than agreeable to the match, and Mr Beaumont was committed to it, as well. The wheels had been set in motion and he wasn’t about to stop them turning. He had been remiss in his duty towards her, but he was rectifying it now.
Eventually, she had been forced to capitulate before his iron clad insistence. He was her father, and she had always been a dutiful daughter. In other circumstances, she might have welcomed this seeming return to his old self, to the father she had once known. He seemed to be getting some of his old spirit back. But she couldn’t rejoice in it now.
And that was when she had decided to write a note to Jude to meet her tonight.
As she wrote it, she had been shocked by her boldness, but knew that she was committed to meeting with him privately. The recklessness had taken her over once more. If she couldn’t persuade her father to let her off the hook with Mr Beaumont, she would take whatever opportunity she could to experience desire. She could never love a man she didn’t even like. It might be the only time in her life that it would be possible.
And so now, here she was, alone with Jude in the hiding place, pressed against him, trembling with passion, and she had no regrets at all.