“Well, why cannot I be forthright to you?” Evelina sighed heavily. “You are my closest friend in this world, and we are quite alone.”
“That is true,” said Caroline, biting her lip. “Still, I am surprised to hear you express yourself so vehemently. You look very rattled.”
“That is because Iamrattled,” said Evelina, sighing again. “I do not wish to court Mr Beaumont, and yet I am being pushed into it.” She paused. “Richard is infuriating. He is only doing this to throw his weight around and show how he has our father twisted around his little finger.”
“Perhaps you should give Mr Beaumont a chance,” said Caroline slowly. “Perhaps you should court him… even if you are being manipulated into it.”
Evelina looked shocked. “Caroline, how can you say such a thing? I just told you I do not evenlikethe gentleman.”
Caroline sighed. “You are not even giving him a chance,” she said. “I know it means nothing to you that he is so eligible, and you think him vain and superficial, but perhaps that is only because you do not know him very well. Have you ever considered that?”
Evelina was silent for a moment as she contemplated her friend’s words. “No, I do not think that is the only reason,” she said. “Papa has been friends with the Beaumont family for a long time. I have associated with Mr Beaumont over the years.” She took a deep breath. “We have never been friends. In fact, he has barely talked to me. He has always been dismissive of me.”
“He is older than you, Evelina,” said Caroline. “Perhaps he was dismissive of you for that reason. Older boys tend to be like that towards younger girls sometimes.” She paused. “He may be different now, especially if he is inclined to get to know you better, as seems the case.”
Evelina gazed at her friend curiously. “Why are you advocating for him? Besides, the fact he is so eligible, of course.”
Caroline looked pained. “I just think it is a chance for you to start your life anew, dearest,” she said slowly. “I have been very concerned for you since your mother’s passing. You are so devoted to your father and filling your mother’s shoes at the expense of your own life. It is not good, Evelina.”
Evelina felt tears enter her eyes. “I am doing what I think I must. I am trying to support my father.”
“I know,” said Caroline, in a gentle voice, reaching out to take her hand. “But it is time for to look to your own life again. Your father clearly thinks so, too, which is why he is doing this. You may say that it is all Richard’s doing, but I think it is more than that. I believe your father realises his mistake in leaning on you too heavily and is trying to rectify it.”
Evelina was silent, gazing off into the distance. As much as she didn’t want to admit it to herself, perhaps Caroline had a point about Papa. Richard was preying upon her father’s guilt about neglecting his duty towards her, but the guiltwasreal. Papa had expressed it that morning she had sought his permission to hold the Christmas Eve ball, admitting he felt he was being derelict in his duty towards her.
Did Papa truly want her to leave him?
Her heart twisted. They had grown so close since Mama’s passing. It was just the two of them. She had taken on the role of his protector, instead of him being hers. He knew it wasn’t right – that he was taking away her chances at a normal life of her own. And now, in his way, he was trying to rectify it, just as Caroline said. It was just a pity that he was doing it in the wrong way entirely.
Evelina took a deep breath. Shereallyneeded to talk to Papa alone so they could work this out properly. It must happen without Richard hovering over them. Perhaps they could broker some kind of deal where she agreed to court gentlemen and establish a life of her own on her own terms, without being pushed into something she didn’t want.
Perhaps it reallywastime she emerged from her self-imposed shell.
But then, she balked at the thought of courting at all. And she knew it was because of Jude. He was the only man she thought about, the only man she desired, the one she dreamt of when she drifted off to sleep at night. She could agree to court as many gentlemen as she liked but it wouldn’t make a lick of difference in the end. She didn’t want any of them.
Her heart twisted. But Papa didn’t need to know that, of course. She could tell him she was fully intending to court and start attending more society events. It might pacify him until she was starting to emerge from her shell and make him forget about foisting Mr Beaumont upon her. It might buy her some time.
She took a deep breath. She would tell him she would start at the Christmas Eve ball and turn over a new leaf in the new year. But her heart was still heavy that she couldn’t have the man she truly desired. Not now, not in the new year… not ever.
Chapter 16
Jude held his breath as he opened the carriage door, trying not to stare at the Lady Evelina as she stepped down. A waft of her perfume drifted towards him, which caused an instinctive, immediate reaction in his loins.
How beautiful she looks today, he thought.Like a dream.
The lady was back in Charingworth for another Christmas pantomime rehearsal. And she had clearly severed any talk between them. She had barely glanced at him this morning as she hurried to the carriage. He knew it was for the best, but it didn’t change how he felt. The hunger for her was still as strong as ever, despite his resolve to forget all about her.
He frowned as she hurried towards the hall, thinking of when he had seen her walking with that gentleman in the gardens at Bosworth Manor. His stomach twisted with jealousy. Was she courting the man?
Immediately, he tried to push the jealousy aside. She was free to court any gentleman she liked. And if he stayed at Bosworth Manor, he would be certain to witness it. It was just life. The lady was young and beautiful and would marry one day. He couldn’t stop it. He had to resolve himself to it, as well as to the fact he could never have her himself.
He watched as the Reverend Basingstoke emerged from the hall. He took the lady aside, whispering to her intently. Lady Evelina glanced over at Jude, frowning. But then she nodded.
Oh no, thought Jude, with a sinking heart as the vicar started striding towards him. What now?
“My good man,” said the vicar, beaming at him. “I do apologise, but could I ask you to fill in for Mr. Pimm again? He is still poorly and cannot make the rehearsal.”
Jude hesitated. He glanced over at the lady, who was still standing on the steps of the hall.