I watch her for the longest time while the world continues on around me. Voices and kids shouting and enjoying life hit my ears, but nothing registers. I’m too lost in her. That is, until a shadow falls over me and someone drops down at my side.
“Here,” Theo says, passing a folded piece of paper over.
“What’s this?”
“Open it and find out, maybe?” he suggests, his eyes focusing on the woman in the building beyond.
“This brings back memories,” he teases as I open the paper.
“How’d you get this?” I ask, staring down at Brianna’s timetable.
“You ask dumb questions, Nic.”
“Why?” I ask.
“Because I thought you might want it. Just… don’t do anything stupid with it.”
“Me?” I ask lightly.
“Look, I know shit is hard right now. I know you’re hurting and looking for ways to push that onto others. But not her, man.”
“Jesus, you sound just like Toby.”
“Yeah, because he’s right. Bri has been there for him and Jodie, she’s been here for you. Yes, this might be a little too close for comfort, but she really doesn’t need you fucking this up for her.”
“And what about what I need?”
“Do you even know what that is right now?”
I stare at his profile, wishing I could come up with an answer to that question.
What I need is for the pain and grief to subside for long enough that I can see straight. But that makes me sound like a fucking crazy person, so I just shut my trap and let my eyes wander to Brianna once more.
“How are you feeling about our exams?” Theo asks.
It’s easy for him. He’s been intelligent as shit since the day he was born. Toby too. I wasn’t gifted with the ability to effortlessly succeed at everything.
Every decent grade I’ve ever got I’ve worked tirelessly for—something I fear I’m not going to be able to pull off in the coming weeks.
But Toby was right when he turned up the other day to study. Dad would be so disappointed in me if I fuck this up again.
I have to do it. No matter what it takes.
For him.
“Not great,” I confess. Unease ripples through me at being honest and vulnerable in front of the one person I never want to see it.
“I’m here, we all are, you know that, right? And if you ask her nicely,” he says, nodding at Bri again, “then I’m pretty sure she will be, too.”
“Thank you.”
“Get these exams smashed, then we’re going after the Italians.”
“Can’t we do that first?” It seems like the easier of the two challenges right now.
“That’s down to Dad and Enzo. We need an opportunity, a solid one to take a swipe at them and try and unearth our snake, and until that comes, we’re keeping our heads down. Just like they are. They have to know we have Daemon and Ant, but they haven’t made a move.”
“That makes me uneasy.”