As I slipped into bed, I closed my eyes, and instantly I was back in the kiss again, my arms wrapped around him, my lips locked with his. Then, I remembered that I’d pulled him back again. He’d seemed to regret it for a moment, but I wanted more.
I couldn’t tell which would be worse. If he told the other colleagues about our kiss, or if he wanted to do it again. I put the pillow over my head, my body telling me exactly what it would prefer.
* * *
BRAD
After the kiss, I ordered another drink, trying hard not to look her way. I should have run out of there, but I didn’t want to look like a dog running with this tail between his legs. But I was embarrassed. A forty-five-year-old man kissing a twenty-seven-year-old? Making out in a bar? It couldn’t get more cliché than that. An old man attempting to be ‘down with the kids’ or to ‘relive his glory days’.
I’d tried to pull away after I’d first kissed her, thinking better of it, knowing that we were in front of people and that we shouldn’t be kissing. But she’d pulled me back. I hadn’t been strong enough to stop her, and I’m glad I didn’t. That had been no ordinary kiss. I’d remember it on my death bed if I never got to kiss her again. It was tattooed on my memory.
I finished my drink, paid, and left, walking back home in the dark, spying Cassie one more time through the glass windows of the bar. She was sexy. Even sexier than I realized. The way she spoke, moved, kissed. Everything she did, she did with power and determination. It was mesmerizing.
And thatkiss. There were no good words to describe it. Something like wild, primal, and animal was in it, and if we hadn’t been in a public place, I would have asked for more. Her mouth against mine had felt so right, and I knew that it would be hard, come Monday, to look at her mouth again without remembering that kiss. And how I would want it to happen again and again.
In my empty apartment, I shut the door and walked straight to my liquor cabinet. Only whiskey could solve a problem like this. I poured two fingers and stood by my floor to ceiling window overlooking the city. Sipping the glass, I felt the loneliness of my place like never before.
Being alone was good for me. It kept me from hurting people, and it kept others from hurting me. Now that I had sole custody of Camilla, I had to do everything possible to make sure she had a better life than both me and my son had. I didn’t want her tainted by the past.
Nor did I want to get mixed up with anyone else. Another relationship of mine wouldn’t do any good, and it certainly wouldn’t help with Camilla. At my age, I had to be sensible and start thinking with my head instead of my cock.
Even though I knew this logically, my mind kept drifting to Cassie, wondering why she’d pulled me back in the kiss even though her words were intended to push me away. I finished my whiskey, but my body was still thrumming with desire. I wanted her, and I needed to find a way to forget about her. She was my employee for fuck’s sake, and I planned on staying with the lab for the near future. I had to find a way to deal with this.
I undressed and went into the shower. As the hot water streamed down my body, I closed my eyes and remembered the feel of her mouth touching mine, the way her satin tongue moved and licked. My hand went to my cock, and I was rock hard, just imagining her. Slowly, I rubbed up and down, but I sped up, my need growing and growing. I pumped my hand until I came, shaking so much I had to lean against the shower wall to support my knees.
“Fuck,” I breathed.
I had come hard. So hard it was tough to stand for a bit. I honestly couldn’t remember the last time I’d come like that, or the last time I really wanted anyone or anything this much. I’d kept away from people for the better part of a year, and it had been easy when all I thought about was Camilla’s future.
But now that Cassie was in my view, I knew it wouldn’t be easy to look away.
The next morning when I woke up, my head was pounding from a hangover, but I went for a run anyway, needing to clear my head. Things started to get less fuzzy as I pounded the pavement in the early morning air. When I got back home, things had become a bit clearer. Sure, I could masturbate as a way to get over my desire for Cassie. But I had a better idea. It would just take a bit of finesse and plan.
Work “observations” would have to cease.
I’ll just have to avoid her now. Like the plague.
CHAPTER8
CASSIE
When I woke up,I groaned, annoyed at how much alcohol I’d consumed the night before. It had been momentarily freeing, releasing the tendrils of stress around my muscles. But I’d forgotten to down a glass of water last night, too distracted by what had happened that I was paying for it now.
At least it was Saturday, a beautiful blissful Saturday. Once out of bed, I started to feel a bit better, and I plodded into the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee. As it brewed, I looked over at the sitting room. We had the whole floor of a warehouse type building, so there were no walls between kitchen and living room.
I leaned against the counter, watching the couches all circled together, facing the large TV. Sadie, Jane, and I used to sit there for hours drinking wine, or eating ice cream and chocolate, talking all about our lives. Now, things had changed, and they’d moved on. We all had. We still used the space for our practices, and they were still paying their portion of the rent, but it wasn’t the same.
It will never be the same.
Jane was going to get married, and Sadie would soon follow. I had never craved that sort of thing for myself, but it still felt lonely to be left behind. I wanted us to stay young forever, to stick in one place and keep having all the fun we usually had. A life like that made sense to me. But now, I would have to get used to this new normal.
I sipped my coffee on the balcony, kicking my feet up on the wicker ottoman while I lounged in the comfy deck chair. I never shied away from the cool weather; it was like I came alive when it chilled down just a bit. Summer was so not my thing.
Putting my coffee mug to my lips, I started to feel a little bit more at peace. Things were going to be okay. I was going to find a new normal, and that terrible decision I made last night would eventually fade, and Dr. Brad would find someone new. Someone else to melt with his hot mouth.
Ok, forget about him. No even thinking about the word ‘kiss’.
My phone dinged, and my foolish heart skipped, stupidly hoping it would be Brad, telling me he wanted to kiss again or do more, or some other ridiculous nonsense. When I picked it up, however, it was the complete opposite to Brad. If that was a thing.