“So what?” My jaw ticks as it tightens, my whole body stiff as it fends off the pain of the impending conversation. “Jojo… Jordan, what’s the real problem here?”
I understand that this might be a difficult pill to swallow for some, but it doesn’t sound like the end of the world. It’s not the Armageddon of a love bomb to the Greenhorn family. They love me like a son, Kaidan loves me like a brother. He can handle brother-in-law. Plus, she gets to have her happiness, too. And how she’s by-passing that is unreal to me.
“Briar, I can’t show up in yesterday's clothes withyoudropping me off. They’ll all know,” she says, waving her arms.
“Iwantthem to know,” I put simply.
“I don’t!” She bites her lip at her shout, face flushed after she says the truth.
I fold my arms, hoping it’ll protect my heart as I lay out an ultimatum. “I want you. I’ve wanted you for a long time, Jordan. But if I can’t do this, if you hide our relationship.” I take a slow measured breath to even my shaking voice. “If you can’t bear the thought of your family knowing we are together, then this was a one-night stand and that’s not what I wanted. Is it what you wanted?”
The heartbreak tumbling inside of me is all over her face as she worries her bottom lip swollen.
“I… I have to go,” she avoids dealing with what’s happened and what may never happen again. It hurts more to be pushed to the side while she goes for the front door. “Briar, you… I… I’m sorry…” she trails off and a tear slips down her peachy cheek but she’s out the door before I can stop her.
“Fuck!” I shout, slamming my fist into the hallway wall creating a crater like the one inside of me and instantly regretting it. I’m not that guy. I don’t lash out. But…my heart needs to release the earthquake of hurt.
“Fuck… Jojo… I love you.” And that’s what I should’ve really said before she left.
CHAPTER8
Jordan
This is usually my favorite part of Christmas Eve, the annual brunch. Mimosas, memories, and the best eggs benedict in the city. But the hollandaise sauce tastes sour, not lemony, this year. I was teased for being late, but no one seems to fuss over it. Everyone’s far too occupied with Kaidan’s new girlfriend, Kelsea, who eagerly chats about her upcoming residency and how Kaidan has been helping her to look for apartments.
Mom nudges me on my right, the only one to notice my demeanor this morning.
“Nice outfit,” she lightly comments, sipping her mimosa, made with cranberry juice and prosecco, pomegranate seeds floating in it.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I groan. Only two people saw me yesterday in this outfit, Kaidan and my mom, and thankfully, Kaidan is across the table and on his third beermosa.
“I do,” she says. “You were gone all day yesterday… and the night before you and Briar disappeared from the party at the same time.”
I glower at my plate. “I thought you were as drunk as me that night.”
Her laugh is musical as she winks. “Why do you think I was handing you my shots? I know better than to get egg-nogged at that party.”
“Pfft, where was that ounce of wisdom for me?”
“I thought you knew better. Jordan, you’ve never been drunk at the party.”
“I wanted things to be different this year,” I mutter, giving up on food and drinking from my own festive mimosa—blood orange juice with cranberries and rosemary for garnish. But it looks like the color of Briar’s face when I left. It wasn’t anger. It was pain on his face. I hurt him.
As if she already knows she says, “I would say it’s quite different for you this year.”
“Briar,” I whisper. “I slept with Briar.”
“Anything else?” She’s not even phased by the news.
“I think I’m in love with him.”
“And him?”
I set down my drink, staring at my hands, wondering how I walked out the door so easily on him because of worrying about what my family would say. And here my mother is, casually accepting the news without even so much as a blink.
“I don't know. I didn’t tell him that. I ran away, Mom.” My lips shake and I close my eyes.
“Why on earth would you do that?” It’s the first sign of shock she’s shown me with all of this.