My heart squeezes in my chest, my smile shifting into a frown. “Even then, I went home every day at a decent time, making time for parties and pumpkin patches.”
“Yeah, and it's your dedication that made it difficult for them to see you coming. You should be proud of yourself. You took down one of the largest crime lords out there. The world's a better place because of it.”
“Not all of it.”
His face drops and he runs a hand through his hair. “Look. What happened to the kid isn't your fault and—”
“Except it was. I should have handled it better. I needed to be there at the station when he was, to keep him from leaving. He'd still be here today if I had.”
He reaches for me and I dodge his hand. “You can't know that, and blaming yourself won't do you any favors. All you can do is move forward.”
“Not as long as he's missing,” I say, as my guilt continues to swallow me whole.
“We're doing all we can to find him, but it's been over a year. At some point you have to accept reality.”
“Which is?”
“The kid is probably not even alive anymore. Especially if his father is right about his captors.” He takes a step back, assuming a little distance will help. Nothing will.
Shaking my head, I grab my bag from the floor. “They wouldn't gain anything from killing him. He'd be worth more alive.”
Lennon pinches between his brow, his head leaning forward. “So far there has been no evidence the kid is still breathing. We're more than likely to find a corpse at this point.”
I grit my teeth. He's wrong. He has to be. At least I'm hoping he is. I've struggled to get by as it is, my last memories of him haunting my dreams. It was my fault. I promised to keep them safe and I failed. “I still think you're wrong.”
He rests his hand on the door frame, sighing softly. “I hope you're right.”
Me too. “Yeah. Well, I better get going. Don't want to miss dinner plans with myself again.”
He laughs and takes a step back as I walk past him. “I need to finish up a few things here still and want to at least make it in time for bedtime stories. See you on Monday. Don't work too hard tomorrow. It's the weekend.”
“I'll try not to.” I lock my door and he pats me on the shoulder, shooting me a half smile before walking back to his office.
It's chilly outside when I exit the building, the smells of cinnamon, pumpkin, and firewood hanging in the air. This used to be my favorite time of the year. I miss having people around to celebrate the holidays with. Ignacio always begged me to decorate the tree with him right after Halloween and I gave him a hard time about it being too soon.
We would roast marshmallows in front of the fireplace and sip hot cocoa under homemade knitted blankets. For three years I was a part of something bigger than my job. I had a family.
Maybe it wasn't real but the moments we shared together were. We had dinner at the same time, laughed at breakfast, sang together when our favorite songs came on in the car, and went out for ice cream on Sundays.
I didn't realize how empty my life had been until I lost it all. How can you lose something you never really had to begin with?
Heading to my car, I check my emails and text messages. I'm waiting for one of my latest sources to get back to me regarding some info he has. We are supposed to meet up this weekend and I'm hoping he hasn't changed his mind or someone else hasn't gotten to him before I could.
Apparently, he heard one of the men who took Ignacio bragging about it six months ago, along with other things. My stomach turns. As much as I hope he misheard the guy, I doubt it. He was one of the Jimenez brothers. They run a trafficking ring and also work for a well-known cartel. If they have him, why haven't they used his kidnapping as leverage?
Unless they have, and we don't know about it. They could have contacted his uncle or some of their close friends. Is he hiding his nephew somewhere? Am I being led toward a dead end?
I won't stop looking either way. Not until I see him alive and breathing for myself.
Loud groans of frustration escape me when I have zero messages from the contact I've been waiting on. I tighten my grip on my phone, trying not to lose hope. He said he would let me know where to meet him and when before Saturday. It's six p.m. Friday and my patience is running thin. Hopefully he's late and there's no other reason for him ghosting me.
Starting my car, I pull out of the parking lot and drive the short way home, my music loud enough to drown out my thoughts. All they do is lead me down a path of negativity and hopelessness, causing me to nearly believe Lennon's words from earlier.
What if Ignacio is really gone for good? What will I tell his mother when we finally discover his body? I didn't only lie to him, I broke my promise to her too. She agreed to help me take down her ex-husband on one condition—with the promise of her son's safety.
All the lights in my neighborhood are off. Not a single porch light is on, not even the streetlamps. How odd. Was there a power outage somewhere? I step out of the car. I search around me, checking for any lights coming from my neighbors’ houses, scratching my head when everything is dark.
As I grab my phone and step onto my porch, the sound of crunching leaves comes from behind me, along with heavy breathing. Before I can turn around, an arm wraps around my neck and squeezes tight enough to make it hard for me to fight back. My arms go limp beside me, my head light and vision blurring. I gasp for air, remembering my last moments in the kitchen with Ignacio and seeing him smiling for the last time as my world goes black.