I turn back to him, seeing him smile, very much pleased with himself.
“When I offered to help you however I could, I meant it. I want to give you everything you want, Sugar. I want to give you everything you need.”
The way he looks at me tells me there are no lies coming out of his mouth. As abrupt as all of it is, he’s more than happy to cut through all the bullshit to get what he truly wants out of this.
I anxiously run my hand through my hair. “We just met one another, and... it doesn’t seem so ladylike for me to kiss a man I met an hour ago.”
“Yeah, not normal etiquette, but from what I saw, you liked that kiss. What’s bothering you, Sugar?”
I pace about. “I don’t know. I don’t know how this is all supposed to go.”
“How do you think it’s supposed to go?” He pauses, and sits down in one of the dining room chairs. “Why don’t you join me? Tell me about yourself.”
I nod and do as he says. “Well, I’m... uh... a virgin.”
He stares at me, briefly making me think I did something wrong, and then he bursts into a laugh. “I meant more about your life, but that detail explains a bit about you. How awkward you are about that kiss, how inexperienced yet eager it was.”
“Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. Or asked for a kiss.”
He takes my hands, and holds them gently. “I may look old-fashioned, Sugar, but I’m not. We’ve already crossed a threshold, and we can’t deny that there’s some lust brewing between us. I feel like at this point we may as well be honest about it.”
I take a moment to collect my thoughts. “I always tell people my only dream is to become a professional baker. To just share my cookies with the world. But there’s something that’s been digging at me just as severely. Something I can’t talk about in polite company. If I can’t have my dream career, I want only one other thing for Christmas, Rainier.”
He smirks. “And I’m guessing it has nothing to do with the Christmas cookies you’re trying to make at the moment?”
I fidget, anxious to truly tell him what I want. It’s way more than a kiss, after all. “Maybe, uh... I’d like you to ice my cookie. If you’re following what I'm saying.”
A soft belly laugh from him. “I’d gladly do that, in both the literal way and the way I think you truly intended.”
Oh God, I’m so embarrassed talking like this. I’ve never been this honest with a man before. Most of my encounters with boys have involved me being coy or trying to figure out how to gently let them down so as not to bruise their fragile egos too much.
But I’m already in the deep end with Rainier. I want him more than any other guy I’ve ever met. I’ve crossed the threshold of decency, and he hasn’t run away screaming. It’s a good sign. “I want you to give me what no guy ever gave me, Rainier.”
He nods along. “You want to give me your virginity?”
I shake my head, before nodding. “No. Yes. Not just that. Something I haven’t been able to give myself. No matter how much I try with a vibrator, nothing seems to work for me, and I want to experience one so badly.”
It takes him a bit to put together the pieces. “You want me to make you come?”
I nod. “I’ve never had an orgasm.”
He sighs, sipping his beer and taking another moment to think to himself. “Sugar, I’ve come into your cabin after finding you crying in the baking aisle. You’ve been on the verge of tears this entire time. It’s clear to me you’re in a very vulnerable place right now.”
I respond with my own sigh. There’s part of me that wants to believe he’s right. That I’m being awfully rash right now. “My mother betrayed me. It’s shaken me pretty bad, yes. But I know what I want, Rainier. A bad day isn’t going to change that, not when you can make it a good day.”
“I still have to ask, are you sure? I mean, I think you’re gorgeous, and I’ve been walking around with a half chub ever since I laid eyes on you. I’m on board with this for sure, I just don’t want to take advantage of someone in a distressed state.”
“I don’t know what you’re worried about. We’re alone, no one to interfere. We both want it. It’s Christmas, so it can be a present to one another. No strings attached.” I nibble on my lip as I say it. My feelings for him are strong, and seeing how caring he’s being isn’t helping things. But I tell myself I just want a fling. Something to take my mind off the huge betrayal.