“Yeah,” I said, sighing as we reached the fourth floor. “But it doesn’t feel that way sometimes.”
No one was outside my chamber, but I figured it wouldn’t stay that way for long. Aios hadn’t lingered as I entered the room, where the faint, acrid scent of smoke remained. It was for the best, but I wished she’d spent a little more time. I would’ve liked to learn what her home was like away from the palace. Or how she’d become so close with Bele.
But I wouldn’t discover these things.
I glanced at the adjoining door. Just like I’d never know if Nyktos had a favorite book or food. If he could remember his dreams or if he dreamt at all. Who or what he would choose to be if he had a choice to be anyone but himself. There were so many things I wanted to learn about him. Did he remember much about his father? Did he read or allow his thoughts to wander when he had spare, quiet moments? Did he like to visit the mortal realm?
Did he regret having hiskardiaremoved?
But what I already knew was enough to know that he didn’t deserve what this kind of life had dealt him: the loss of his parents and so many more, a Consort he’d never asked for but still had sought to protect, and living under the constant threat of Kolis. Nyktos deserved better. So did everyone in the Shadowlands.
And now I posed an entirely different threat to him and all who sought sanctuary here.
I walked out onto the balcony and looked down at the courtyard. The area had already been cleared, and only faint dark marks remained on the ground. I couldn’t let myself think about what those splotches represented. I needed a clear head as I watched the guards patrol the Rise.
The embers were important. I understood that—contrary to what Nyktos thought. The sooner I died, the less time the mortal realm would have. I didn’t know why Eythos put the embers in my bloodline, along with Sotoria’s soul. Especiallysince that soul made me the perfect weapon against Kolis.
Not a Consort-to-be, hidden and protected.
Not a vessel that would be able to keep the embers safe.
I had a purpose, and there was no delaying it—no matter how distasteful it was, and no matter how much I wanted it all to be different.
I waited until I couldn’t do so any longer. There was no activity in the courtyard, and I imagined that anyone who had been beyond the Rise had left the woods by now. I had no idea where Nyktos was, but I didn’t think he’d returned to his chambers yet. There had been talk of meeting with the families of those who had perished tonight. My heart clenched. He could be anywhere, and I had no way of knowing if the path I had to follow was clear, but they were all risks I had to take.
Turning, I went back inside and headed to the bathing chamber, where I tugged off my leggings as I had been told they were called. They were thicker than tights but nothing like the breeches. I pulled a pair of those on, ignoring the stiff patches of dried blood as I shoved the slip I wore beneath the sweater into the waistband of the pants. Tugging on my boots, I grabbed a cloak and began fastening the hooks at the throat as I walked under the stunning glass chandelier to the balcony doors. Grasping the handle, I looked over my shoulder to the door leading to the adjoining room. My hand trembled.
I hesitated, looking at Nyktos’s chambers. I thought about the blanket I’d woken covered in. Had it been him who’d done that?
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, breathing through the sting in my throat and eyes. I wished he could hear those words and that he believed them.
I wished for many things in those seconds before turning back to the balcony, blinking back dampness. My shoulders tightening, I lifted the hood and stepped out onto the balcony before quietly closing the door behind me, focused on only what lay ahead.
I glanced toward the Red Woods, where the damaged gate once stood. The still-standing crimson trees stood out starkly against the iron sky. Entering those woods again where the fallen gods lay entombed was the last thing I wanted to do, but at least I knew they’d been cleared of any fallen gods. As longas I didn’t bleed in them, I’d be fine. From there, I had to cut through a small section of the Dying Woods, another place I wasn’t even remotely looking forward to traveling through, but it was the only way to get to where I needed to be in Lethe.
Ships entered the city through the Black Bay, meaning they were coming from other places within Iliseeum. I was confident that I could get on a ship and then to Dalos, the City of the Gods, where Kolis held Court.
Because other than killing, there was one more thing I was extraordinarily good at—not being seen.
I caught sight of an armored figure in black and gray patrolling the Rise’s battlement. Pressing against the wall, I kept to the shadows and waited until they were out of sight. Then I sprang forward and didn’t give myself time to think about howrecklessthis was. There was no time left to wait. I only had a few hours until dawn when someone would eventually come to my chambers. Gripping the cool shadowstone railing, I climbed over it and looked over my shoulder into the empty space between me and the hard-packed ground below.
That was a significant, bone-breaking distance.
Kneeling, I lowered my right and then left leg out into the vast nothingness. Muscles straining and burning like the fiery pits of the Abyss, I drew in a shallow breath and then stretched out my right leg until it felt like my arms would pull out of their sockets. My fingers slipped a little against the shadowstone just as I managed to reach the closest arrow slit.
I didn’t want to think about if those slits had been a necessary addition. Once I was certain my foot was stable in the narrow opening, I lifted a hand from the railing and reached for a groove to grip. My stomach tumbled, then I let go and swung to the arrow slit.
Wobbling a little, I pressed my forehead against the stone. “Good gods,” I whispered. “This is idiotic.”
Planting my feet against the wall, I began to lower myself once more. All those years spent alone, climbing trees, walls, and anything even remotely vertical out of pure boredom had actually paid off. Glancing at the spiral staircase’s railing below, I went for it, swinging myself down.
I landed on the railing and nearly toppled backward. Catching myself, I hopped down onto the landing. A widesmile broke out across my face. Proud of myself and somewhat surprised that I hadn’t fallen to a gruesome, painful death, I wheeled around and hurried down the steps…and right into a dead end.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” Of course, I’d chosen a staircase that, for some godsforsaken reason, didn’t go to the actual ground.
Leaning over the railing, I gauged the drop to be about seven feet. Shifting so I could hang from the railing, I said a little prayer to myself and let go.
There was a brief second of weightlessness, nothing but the bright stars overhead, and the rush of air on my skin. It felt likeflying, and for a heartbeat of time, I was free—