The cool railing pressed into my palms. “That’s all the more reason it shouldn’t have been you.”
“That isexactlywhy it should have been me.”
“That’s bullshit,” I snapped, latching on to the anger because that was a far better feeling than this. “I’m sorry that I took that draken’s life, but I am not sorry that I prevented you from being forced to kill. And I hate myself for doing it, but I hate Kolis far more for demanding that it be done. So, yeah, even though I was able to bring Thad back, I still feel like shit over it. I’ll deal with it. And if you’re mad at me for stepping up, you’re going to deal withthatand get the fuck over it.”
“I’m not mad at you, Sera.” His eyes flashed with intense bolts of essence. “I’m horrified that you put yourself in that position, and that you now have to live with that because of me.”
I sucked in a rattled breath. “I didn’t do it because of you. Kolis gets that honor. I did itforyou. There’s a world of difference.”
Nyktos drew back as if I’d slapped him. “Again, I ask…why would you do that for me? I don’t deserve that. Not after I’ve hurt you. Not even before then.”
That was a good question.
One I knew the answer to.
I wanted to protect Nyktos, even now, and that desire led to another question I didn’t want to think about right now. I couldn’t.
I turned my gaze to the crimson leaves, refocusing on far more important things. My voice trembled slightly as I said, “Do you think Dyses is what Gemma spoke of? Kolis’s reborn? These…Revenants?”
Nyktos didn’t answer for a long moment, but I felt his stare on me. “She said she never saw them during the day, but it has to be, right? Only a Primal could survive the destruction of their heart. Not a god.”
“But she also said that Kolis needed hisgraecato perfect them.” My lips twisted. “Not sure how toperfectbeyond being able to survive one’s heart being destroyed.”
“Neither do I. I can’t even be sure that Dyses was a god. He felt like one but…off in a way that was hard to process.” He exhaled heavily. “All I can hope is that Kolis doesn’t have many of them. That could prove problematic.”
A short, hoarse laugh left me. “I think that’s an understatement,” I said, swallowing. “How in the hell did he bring him back to life? He doesn’t have the embers of life in him anymore. Or could we be wrong about that?”
“We’re not wrong. And I have no idea how the hell he did that because Dyses isn’t a demis.”
It took me a moment to remember what Aios had told me about them. They were mortals Ascended by a god; those who didn’t have enough essence in them like the third sons and daughters to be Ascended. It was an act forbidden because it rarely succeeded and often changed the mortal in unpleasant ways. “How would you know?”
“I would feel that. They have a certain presence that a Primal can sense. A…wrongness,” he said, watching the distant figures of the guards patrolling the Rise. “Gemma said that the Revenants were Kolis’s work in progress. It’s possible that she’s seen them at different stages of creation.” His shoulders tensed. “Either way, he found a way to create life without the embers, something that could convince the other Courts that he does have that power within him. But who knows what kind of life he’s conjured? Or what they truly are.”
A shiver went through me. “Do you think he believed you? That you thought he had been the one who Ascended a god in the Shadowlands?”
“Fuck, no.” Nyktos laughed under his breath. “It’s possible that he believes I may not be aware of who it was and that I searched for the source, but there is no way he thinks that I believe it was him. He was saving face in front of Hanan and the Primals of Vathi.”
That made more sense than Kolis actually believing that Nyktos thought it was him. “But then that also means he knows that you realize another has the embers of life. Why would he let that slide?”
“It’s the same reason there was no immediate attack on Vathi. It’s because of what your Holland said. There is only so much he can do to me before he risks exposing exactly how much of a fraud he is,” he reminded me. “His control over the other Primals would weaken if they truly believed he no longer had embers of life in him. It’s possible that he believes he can find the source before anyone else. But now I wish we’d had time to ask Attes what he thought about Dyses.”
I nodded, rubbing my palms back and forth over the railing. So did I, but lingering in Vathi wouldn’t have been wise, and I’d already engaged in enough unwise behavior for the day. Several moments of silence passed. “Kolis wasn’t what I expected,” I said, clearing my throat. “I mean, what he demanded as a price was what I expected, but before that? He was…”
“Measured? Calm?” he said with another short, dry laugh. “Kolis can be incredibly charming when he wants to be, and that is when he is the most dangerous.”
I remembered then what Aios had said. That Kolis had a way of making someone forget who and what they were. I looked down at my hands, seeing blood that had never touched my skin. “We have his permission.”
“It’s not the only thing we have, even though I don’t really trust that he gave his permission,” Nyktos said, and I had to agree with that sentiment. “We also know he didn’t recognize you.”
I nodded again.
“Something happened there. With you.” Nyktos angled his body toward mine. “I felt it.”
Throat constricting, I looked up at him. “Felt what?”
“Rage.” His eyes searched mine. “A rage I don’t think was yours. It felt different. Tasted different.”
“It wasn’t just mine,” I admitted quietly. “I don’t know how or why, but I know. I felt it.” I placed a hand on my chest. “Her anger. I could feel her looking through my eyes. Sotoria.”