“Really?”
“Really,” Orphine repeated from down the hall. My gaze snapped back to her. She turned a page in her book. “I could hear your entire conversation.”
“Oh,” I murmured as we started down the hall. Orphine knew what I had done with the embers of life, but I didn’t know if she was aware of what I had planned.
She looked up then. Now that I was closer, I saw her crimson eyes and the vertical slits of her pupils behind thick lashes. The draken appeared as a mortal in her second or so decade of life. “If Nyktos was more concerned about making sure you stayed put and out of relative trouble, he wouldn’t have given me permission to burn to ash anyone who comes to your doors.”
“Anyone?”
“Anyone who poses a threat.” Orphine smiled tightly, and there was nothing warm about that smile. “To you. Not him, which is unfortunate.”
Saion smirked.
Well, I supposed I didn’t have to wonder any longer if Orphine knew what I’d planned. “You’d rather burn me to ashinstead?”
“For even thinking about killing Nyktos? Yes.” Orphine snapped the book shut with one hand and pushed off the wall. She took a step toward me, and Saion tensed, his hand going to the sword at his hip. I fought the instinct screaming at me to back up. The draken was about my height, and the sleeveless tunic she wore clung to rounded hips. She lookedsoft. But so did I. “Nyktos is…special to us.”
Ice crept up the back of my neck as I held her stare.
“But so are you.” A lock of hair fell against her arched cheek. “You arelife.” Her voice lowered…and I swore faint wisps of smoke wafted from her nostrils. “And that is the only reason you still breathe.”
I’d gone into my bedchamber without saying much, because how could I respond to what Orphine had said?Thanks for recognizing the value of the embers and not burning me alive?
I hadn’t been left alone for long, though. Baines, a mortal or godling I’d met my first night here, brought in some hot water. Like all who worked in the House of Haides, he did so out of choice—because he wanted to be of service to Nyktos.
That was the kind of loyalty Nyktos inspired.
I sat on the chaise, uncomfortable with Baines’ presence even after he’d left—not because of him, but because of what his arrival had meant. Nyktos had sent him. The act would likely be considered small by most and easily overlooked, but not by me. It had been…incredibly thoughtful of him. And I didn’t want him to be thoughtful. Or kind. I also recognized how messed-up those thoughts were.
You are his weakness.
Swallowing, I glanced down at the dagger Nyktos had given me after destroying my old one. I totally understood his reaction. Ihad, sort of, accidentally plunged my dagger into his heart, but I’d been furious, nonetheless. That dagger had beenmine, and so few things belonged to me.
But Nyktos had more than made up for it with this gift. Thefirst-everpresent that belonged only to me.
The dagger was truly a piece of art with its smooth, lightweight handle and the pommel of the hilt crafted into the shape of a crescent moon. The shadowstone blade itself was delicate yet fierce, shaped like a thin hourglass and deadly sharp on both sides. The bladesmith had carved a dragon into the dagger, its spiked tail following the curve of the blade and the scaled body and head carved into the hilt where it breathed fire.
Nyktos had taken it away once he learned of my betrayal. But what the god Taric had done—the feeding and the prying into my memories—had been so painful andterrifyingthat I hadn’t been able to hide that from Nyktos, let alone myself. He’d sensed my terror and acted upon it.
You may feel fear, but you are never afraid, he’d said and then pressed the hilt of the dagger into the palm of the one who had once sworn to use such a weapon against him.
Could losing the ability to love increase one’s capacity to be kind? I didn’t know, but I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that it could.
A knot swelled in my chest as I rose and walked to the doorway of the bathing chamber. I stopped. The space was far lovelier than the stifling chamber I used in Wayfair. Clean water had rarely been brought into that chamber—let alone hot—and I’d often preferred to bathe in the lake. A pang of yearning twisted my heart. Would I ever get to see my lake again? Feel its cool water running over my skin? I didn’t think so.
Thoughts heavy, my gaze roamed over the tub. My hand went to my throat. Soaking in the steaming water would be divine, but I couldn’t even if I had time. Not when I could practically feel the sash from my robe digging into my skin and cutting off my air.
I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be able to relax in a tub again.
Forcing myself into the bathing chamber, I stripped off the ruined sweater and breeches, placing the top and my undergarments into a small basket. Using one of the washcloths, I bathed without using the tub, cleaning away the dried blood from my fight with the gods in the throne room. I glanced at the mirror, only looking at the bite mark on my throat. The two puncture wounds were still an angry shade of red. Taric hadbitten in the same spot that Nyktos had. No two bites could be more different. One had brought pleasure, the other immense pain.
Swallowing, I glanced down at my breast. The bite Nyktos had left there, just above my nipple, was a calmer reddish pink. I brushed my fingers over the shallow indentations and gasped at the sharp pulse of desire that shot through the pit of my stomach. I jerked my hand away. Thinking of his mouth on my skin, the pierce of his fangs, would do me no good at the moment.
Pulling on a slip and a dressing robe made of crushed velvet dyed black, I went to the balcony and tugged the drapes aside. The sky was a muted shade of gray now, the stars dim.
You’re his weakness.
“What am I doing?” I whispered, looking around the chamber. There was no answer. Or maybe therewasone, but I just didn’t want to acknowledge it because I knew what I had to do.