“And I know something had to because that’s about the only thing that gets the eather going during the Culling.” She sat up. “When I was in my Culling and near the Ascension, I shattered windows if I even got slightly upset about something. Lots of them. By the time I finished the Culling, there were no windows left in the home.”
“Has anyone ever suggested that you may have anger issues?” I asked.
Bele snorted. “Says possibly the most argumentative, combative person I’ve ever met.”
I frowned. “I am not combative.”
She raised her brows.
“I’m…assertive.”
“Aggressively assertive,” she countered. “As you should be—as all of us need to be. So, no shame there.”
“Okay,” I murmured, taking another drink. The sweet wine warmed my blood. “Why are you really here, Bele?”
“That was a rude question.”
I stared at her.
Bele hadn’t done anything wrong, but when I found that veil of nothingness, it wasn’t easy to put it on and take it off at will. The more I allowed myself to feel anything, the harder it was to find that calm emptiness. And that was why it had been so difficult for me to find it within myself to shut down my emotions. I’d left myself open for too long.
So, this was how it would be.
Then Bele said, “I know Veses was here.”
Chapter 31
My hand tightened on the stem of the glass as Bele spoke. “Ector and Saion were heading off to Lethe, and I was waiting for Aios to come. I was on my way to the kitchens, minding my own business, when I saw her entering Nyktos’s office,” she told me. “And I was like…great, that bitch is here.”
I started to lift the glass to my lips but saw that it was empty. I thought about refilling it but decided there came a point between the first and second glasses where liquid courage turned into liquid ridiculousness.
“I thought things would change,” she said, and my gaze flew to her. Bele rose, crossing her arms. “That Veses wouldn’t be…visiting now that Nyktos was taking a Consort.”
“Well, apparently, they haven’t,” I said, wiping my hands on the soft dressing robe.
Bele opened her mouth and closed it. Several seconds ticked by. “I don’t know what’s going on there—between Veses and Nyktos,” she said, and the wine immediately soured in my stomach. “Hell, I don’t even really know what’s going on with you and Nyktos. None of us do.”
“Please tell me his guards don’t sit around and discuss Nyktos and me,” I said.
“We don’t sit around and talk about you. We’re usually standing while doing it,” she replied, and I sighed. “None of us really gets it. You two. Nyktos didn’t want a Consort. Didn’t need one. And you wanted to kill him—or thought you needed to. Whatever. But I’ve seen the way you look at him,” she said, and my cheeks warmed. “I’ve seen how comfortable you are touching him. Very few would even dare think of doing such a thing.”
Veses had.
And did.
My veneer of emptiness cracked a little. I got up and moved to the table, needing to pace a bit.
“And I’ve never seen him so involved with another as he is with you. So annoyingly concerned.”
Annoyingly concerned? I almost laughed. “It’s the embers, Bele. It’s important that I stay alive.”
Her nose wrinkled. “If it were just the embers, he wouldn’t have verbally slain us the morning he gave his speech in the throne room about how brave you were.”
“What?”
“Yep. After you left with Orphine and most of the other guards went back to their stations, he laid into the rest of us.” She grinned. “Honestly, Nyktos can come up with some impressive and creative threats, and he delivers them with a level of coldness where no one doubts his sincerity.”
“I didn’t know he’d said anything to you all,” I murmured, having figured that had been what his speech was about. He could’ve made a point to speak to his most trusted guards directly because he feared they would be more likely to aid me in escape. Or he could’ve just wanted to make sure they were simply more welcoming toward me. I shook my head. It didn’t matter either way. Nyktos cared about how I was treated. What he was doing with Veses didn’t change that.