A short laugh left me as my gaze shifted to the ceiling. “I know an entire kingdom that would disagree with that.”
“Really?”
I nodded.
“Why?”
I wasn’t sure how to answer that, so it took a couple of moments. “As your Consort, I was not to be known by most.”
There was a beat of silence. “What does that mean?”
“It’s like with the Chosen, but even more. I…I don’t know how to explain it other than to say that I…I didn’t exist.”
“You existed.”
“I didn’t, though,” I told him, not able to blame this bit of honesty on whiskey like I had when I’d spoken about Tavius. Maybe this time, it was the orgasm. “I was shrouded like the Chosen, and that was what most assumed I was, but I was sure people questioned it because I wasn’t at the Temples like the other Chosen. Either way, the same rules applied to me when I was veiled. But even after you didn’t take me, and I no longer wore the veil, it remained the same. The people of Lasania didn’t even know that I was the true heir to the throne. They didn’t know thatPrincessSeraphena even existed. And the few who did, like the older servants who worked in Wayfair and had to suspect who I was? They never acknowledged it. Or me. I was a ghost.”
Nyktos said nothing, but I felt his gaze on me.
Like before, I didn’t look at him. But I couldn’t deal with the silence that fell between us, which was highly ironic given the topic. I cleared my throat. “Anyway, I’m actually used to being quiet.”
“But not with me.”
“That’s because you usually annoy me,” I stated dryly, and his answering chuckle warmed my skin. There was that strange, pleasant sensation in my chest again, and that was…well, it could be concerning. “And because seducing you required me to actually speak, unless that’s not what you liked. Then I would’ve been silent.” The moment those words left my mouth, I cringed. “I probably shouldn’t have said that.”
Several moments passed. “You would’ve become whatever you believed I wanted?”
Closing my eyes, I pictured punching myself in the face. Hard. Repeatedly. I didn’t even know why I’d brought that up when I wanted nothing more than to forget it.
“Sera?”
I swallowed. “I would have.”
He shifted, drawing up a leg. “You talked before you realized I was the Primal of Death. You were never quiet then.”
“Like I told you, you annoyed me,” I said instead of what had immediately popped into my head. That it was because of how I’d felt heard and seen when I was with him. Respected. Counted. Opening my eyes, I finally turned my head to him. There was an ease about him and the lines of his features. Our eyes met. Words swelled in my throat. Ones best not given life. “I should get going. I’m sure you have—”
“Don’t,” he said softly, and I froze. “I have a few hours before anything needs to be done. I’m tired. You must be tired. So, here we are.”
“Arm’s reach?” I whispered.
“Yeah,” Nyktos said after a moment.
I nodded, but he and I both knew that keeping me in his bed wasn’t necessary during the day, when the palace and courtyard were teaming with gods. Honestly, it wasn’t really necessary at night.
It suddenly struck me as I stared at him that maybe he…he had to be just as lonely as I was, but for far longer than I. And right now, we didn’t have to be. I closed my eyes and just let myself be here, in the moment and nothing more.
“Sera.” I thought I heard Nyktos whisper my name as I began to doze off. “You were never a ghost to me.”
I woke sometime later, half-sprawled on my belly, toasty and covered in something far thicker and softer than a towel. A fur blanket.
Nyktos.
He wasn’t there. The warmth was gone from my chest, and as I lay there, I thought that maybe falling asleep together was entirely different than waking up together.
That was an intimacy I knew neither of us had ever experienced. One that seemed to go deeper than what we’d shared in the tub and the words spoken afterward.
You were never a ghost to me.