We’re now parents to two perfect, squalling, wee lads.
Aye. Fatherhood. It’s my favorite thing I’ve done,ever.
“Connor?” I hear Ronni’s sleepy voice in the bedroom.
I pour some of the chicken soup I’m heating in a mug, place it on the tray with toasted brown bread and butter and bring it with me. The boys are still asleep. We have about twenty minutes before their next feeding. “I brought you some dinner, my love.”
Ronni stretches. Yawns. Blinks herself awake. I place the tray to her side. She wrinkles her nose. “I don’t want the butter, babe. I have to lose this baby weight.”
“Says who?” I boop her nose. “Not Dr. O’Leary. You are feeding two babies. You’re supposed to take in additional calories to keep them healthy.”
She swats me away. Picks up a piece of the bread and takes a bite. Chews. Swallows. Sticks her tongue out at me.
Torin stirs in his bassinette. I can’t resist his little mewly noises. I bend to pick him up. Cradle him and watch in wonder when his tiny fingers grip my thumb.
“You’re obsessed.” Ronni’s smile is cheeky. “He’ll start crying if I don’t put him on the boob. I better finish this while I have the chance.”
She slurps down the soup and shoves the bread into her mouth while I continue to stare at my tiny son. Tristan cries out, kicking his wee feet frantically. I point to him. “There’s no doubt Tristan was the kicker. He’s destined to be the leader of the two.”
“Mmm-hmmm.” Ronni, who isn’t paying attention to my predictions, sets the tray down and grabs the giant nursing pillow. She situates it to her liking. Unclasps her nursing bra. Motions for me to hand over the baby. “It’s milk-cow time.”
We have a system.
Feeding the twins at the same time is efficient. Gives her extra minutes to rest when sleep is an absolute luxury. Once Torin is latched, I pick up Tristan and hand him to her. She tucks him against her opposite side. Soon, both boys are happily suckling away.
“You’re beautiful, Mae.” I never get tired of the wonderous miracle of her feeding our babies. “You’ve taken to motherhood like a champ.”
“Don’t speak too soon. All I do is sleep, eat, pee, and feed these two. I literally have no energy to do anything else.” She gently strokes the boys’ heads as they nurse.
I cross the room to the changing table to get two nappies ready. “We’ve come a long way for two people who had no experience with real-life babies. Jaysus, when we brought them home, I was utterly terrified.”
”I’mstillterrified. And panicked. I’ve gotten used to being in our little Irish cocoon. I’m not quite ready to go back to LA.” Ronni’s voice has a bit of a tremor.
“Ah, Mae. Dr. O’Leary helped us vet an entire medical team. Kris is interviewing nannies, and you know she won’t hire anyone who isn’t legit.” I sit on the edge of the bed and tweak her unvarnished toe. “We’ll be grand.Betterthan grand.”
Ronni is quiet. Contemplative. “Maybe you could postpone the band meeting. Or move it to LA. The guys will understand.”
“I wish I could, but they’re all in Seattle. I’m the lone wolf living in LA.” I grip her ankle and squeeze. “Are you still worried about me being gone, love? I’m taking the jet; it’ll be quick. Like I went out for coffee.”
Her tear-rimmed crystal-green eyes tell me she’s not happy about our separation. “I’m not confident I can balance everything without you. Even for a few hours. Kris is already setting up meetings to pitch the new show. We’re supposed to start production on the movie. How did I ever think I could be a good mom and keep up the pace I was on? I can’t even breast feed without you there.”
“Should we hire additional staff?” I’m at a loss of how to reassure her.
Ronni’s a strong, capable woman who simply doesn’t know how to ask for help. Our relationship, for the most part, has been long-distance with spurts of me living with her in Malibu when the band had downtime. Neither of us ever consulted each other about our work schedules. We just did our thing and were together whenever possible.
Needless to say, my unilateral decision to attend my band meeting in Seattle did not go over well. It just never occurred to me there’d be a problem.I was wrong. Obviously, with infant twins, our lives are not our own anymore. I can’t take back what I did, but I’ll damn sure never prioritize anything but my family going forward.
Ronni doesn’t answer. Instead, she unlatches Torin and hands him to me. She keeps Tristan but closes her nursing bra. We both sit them up in burp position. Rub their bellies. Pat their backs. A baby belch or two later, she finally replies. “I don’t know, Connor. I think we’ll just need to see. I hope you were serious about telling the guys we want more time. I know it’s not entirely your decision, but I don’t want you to miss your kids growing up.”
“I don’t either. I want all the time I can get with my wee lads.” The thought makes me smile. “I’m happy to tell them I’m not able to start back up again for a while. If it’s a problem, they can let someone else take my place for a bit.”
She visibly relaxes. “Thank you, my honey. I’m not asking you to quit, you know. I’d never do that.”
“I know, Mae. I’mofferingto take a step back temporarily.” I kiss Torin’s sweet head. “For the record, I’d never ask you to quit your career either.”
The air around us feels ominous for a brief second before it dissipates.
“Feel like diaper duty while I shower? I smell like baby vomit and poo.” Ronni thrusts Tristan in my direction, not giving me much of a choice, but breaking the tension.