Between women? What did that mean? Had there been a woman when I met him? More than one? How many women were we talking about?
It was none of my business. Right. None of my business.
I cleared my throat. “Okay.” We were adults here. Of course Axel had sex—he was the most gorgeous man in Portland. He wasn’t having sex withmebecause I’d never asked him to. Because we didn’t have that kind of relationship. I didn’twantthat kind of relationship.
The silence stretched on too long, so I tried again, my voice sounding almost normal. “Okay, I have an idea. How about you give me a drum lesson?”
He raised his eyebrows, his blue eyes lighting in surprise as he finally looked at me. “Have you ever played?”
“Not at all. I’m sure I can learn, right? I mean, how hard could it possibly be?”
He smiled, because he knew I was ribbing him. “You actually want to come into my janky basement?”
“Depends how janky it is. Does it smell? Is it a weird man cave?”
“I live alone. Technically, my whole house is a man cave.”
I crossed my arms. I had never been in Axel’s house. We always either went out or played Scrabble at Aunt Ellen’s. “I suppose I could put up with it if I got a lesson from the great Axel de Vries.”
He made a convincing gagging sound. “Sorry, what?”
“The legend,” I said, raising my voice as he gagged louder. “The myth. It’s such an honor to get a lesson from a great rock star.”
“Thanks for making me throw up in my mouth,” he said. “Was that ‘Shadow of My Disgrace’ I heard on the sound system when I came in?”
“Sure was. The kids here love to play the Road Kings at top volume all shift.”
He sighed. “All the more reason to get out of here, then. Let’s go play.”
NINE
Axel
Brit had never played drums before, so we started at the beginning. I showed her the difference between a snare and a tom, showed her how to use the kick. I introduced her to the concept of the click track and walked her through a simple 2/4 rhythm. After the second time she screwed it up, she stopped. “I suck at this,” she declared.
“Of course you suck at it,” I said. “You’ve been doing it for all of fifteen minutes.”
“How do youdothis?” She picked up the sticks again, adjusting on the stool. “You have to make each of your body parts do something different, but in sync. It’s like that thing where you pat your head and rub your stomach at the same time, multiplied by ten. It’s crazy.”
“Stop thinking so much,” I advised her. “The key to the drums is to let your body do the work, not your brain. That’s why it’s therapeutic. You get out of your head.”
Brit shook her head and tried again. “Axel, I literally can’t remember the last time my brain turned off.”
“I know the feeling.” The meeting I’d gone to tonight hadn’t been an easy one. A few of us had shared stories of our lowest points, when we’d bottomed out before finally deciding to get help. When I’d left, the only thing I’d wanted was to get out of my head and stay there.
The things I’d listed to Brit were all ways to shut my brain off that didn’t involve chemicals. Movies. Workouts. Music. And sex.
Brit was wearing her hair in a ponytail, and she had on a stretchy long-sleeved Henley shirt that molded to her body, with a scoop neck and three little buttons in the fabric right between her breasts. The top button was undone. In the mood I was in tonight, those three little buttons were maddening, the most erotic thing I’d seen in my life. I was going to have dreams about those buttons, the way they were positioned just so, calling quiet attention to the glorious terrain that was under that shirt.
I’d never seen lingerie as hot as those three buttons. I was a rock star for a long time, and let me tell you—I’d seen some things. But here I was, losing my mind over those fucking buttons, trying like hell to get my mind off them because Brit and I were just friends,just friends, you horny dumpster fire of a man.
“I give up,” she said after trying again, completely oblivious to my torment. She stood and held the sticks out to me. “You play.”
“Play what?”
“I don’t know. Anything.”
We traded places, me behind the drums and her on the other chair. I took my phone from my pocket, swiped to my music app, and connected wirelessly to my sound system. Then I handed her the phone. “Pick something from my library. Surprise me.”