I hope she feels more reassured than I do. I get her out of the car and clasp her close as we walk up the steps.
The manager, Jan, comes out to greet us.
“Hello, Layla. You’re going to spend the day with us.”
Jan holds out her thick arms for Layla. This is where I’m supposed to let her go and let this kind woman take care of my baby. Instead, I find myself clutching Layla to my chest as a wave of possessiveness washes over me.
Jan sees my hesitation and smiles reassuringly.
“The first day is always the hardest,” she says kindly but firmly.
Layla looks to Jan and gives her a wide smile, holding out her tubby fingers to her. Great. Even my own daughter is better at separation than I am.
Jan takes Layla around the waist but I still don’t let go. I’ve never been without my baby for more than a few hours, and I’m struck by a sadness. It’s like handing over a piece of my own heart.
“She’ll be fine here. We’ll look after her real well.”
Jan is patient and kind, and she’s right. Layla will be fine, and I need to do this. I need to let her go.
With great reluctance, I pry my hands off my baby. Jan pulls Layla toward her, and my treacherous daughter giggles, giving Jan one of her winning smiles.
“Aren’t you a sweetheart,” Jan coos.
“She sleeps at about ten and then again after lunch, but if you leave it too late, she gets fussy.”
My voice breaks and I blink hard, willing myself not to cry.
“I know, Jodie,” Jan says patiently. “We’ve got it all on the file.”
Of course she does. I filled out forms and talked Jan through Layla’s routine. These women are professionals. They know how to look after a baby.
“Wave bye-bye to Mommy.”
Layla holds her fingers up to me, looking confused before Jan whisks her inside. Be quick, they told me. Don’t prolong the goodbye and don’t let her see you’re upset.
I wait until the doors close behind them before I turn away, swiping at the corner of my eyes.
I know I have to get back to work and earn money to support my daughter, but dang, it feels like I just left a piece of my heart in there.
“Pull yourself together, girl,” I mutter.
I’ve dealt with harder than this over the last eighteen months. I’ll get through this too.
I sit in the car until the pain subsides and my eyes are dry. Now, it’s time to get to work.
3
KIEREN
It feels like a freight train is rumbling through my head as I sip a strong cup of coffee in the briefing room the next morning.
We’ve just moved into new offices as the business expands, and Bronn’s striding around like a proud peacock. I’m not sure how much of that is to do with the way his security firm is growing or the fact that he just found out his young wife is expecting their first child.
Either way, he’s in an expansive mood and even giving out rare smiles, which is odd for my serious-minded boss.
Seth slides into the seat next to me and takes in my rumpled appearance and the large mug of black coffee I’m nursing.
“Morning,” he says cheerfully, obviously taking great pleasure in my hangover.