‘This isn’t about me,’ he said. ‘This is about you. Don’t you want to know?’
She didn’t turn, pulling off her hat and throwing it on the couch along with the gloves, a wealth of golden hair tumbling out. It was much longer now, to her waist.
‘I don’t like that you know more about me than I do about you,’ she said, ignoring his question. ‘You always did. Why is your past off limits and yet you feel free to pry into every aspect of mine?’
Ares gritted his teeth, his anger gaining a dull edge of disappointment. He’d thought she’d be happy about this. ‘You told me you were fine with me helping you discover your origins. I asked you and you said yes.’
‘I was fine with it.’ She turned her head and glanced at him, her gaze brilliant with temper. ‘But I didn’t think you’d be the one to discover it first. And I didn’t think that you’d have everything of me, while I had nothing of you.’
She’s right. Youhavegiven her nothing.
Yes, but giving her something of himself assumed a relationship that they didn’t have. A relationship that they would never have either.
You want it, though.
He ignored that.
‘I told you back in England that my past is irrelevant,’ he said curtly.
‘Oh, and mine isn’t?’ Sparks glittered like embers from a wildfire in her eyes. ‘Why do you get to hold onto your secrets? And anyway, itisrelevant. The fact that you were married is relevant. The fact that half your body is scar tissue is relevant. What kind of marriage are we going to have if you can’t even talk to me about it?’
She’d said it as if staying married to him was a foregone conclusion and not a choice she had yet to make, and it made something inside him lurch like he’d missed a step going up a staircase.
He’d thought he wouldn’t care if she chose to stay married to him or not. But he did care. He cared very much, and he shouldn’t.
‘But that is not a foregone conclusion, is it, Rose?’ he bit out. ‘The year is not yet up. You might not choose to stay married to me.’
Her cheeks were already pink, but he didn’t miss how they went a little pinker, as if she’d made a slip she hadn’t meant to. ‘It’s true, I might not,’ she agreed. ‘But you could give me a reason to stay.’
‘I didn’t realise that mattered to you,’ he said roughly.
‘What? Getting to know each other?’ One blond brow rose imperiously. ‘Not initially, no. But then you went on and on about how important it was that we got comfortable with each other, how I had to learn what being a wife meant, and blah, blah, blah. So I changed my mind. And yes, it does matter to me. You made it matter with your big song and dance.’
She was angry. He stared at her, trying to see what the real issue was. ‘Rose—’
‘Tell me, Ares,’ she said flatly. ‘Tell me what happened to you.’
Thatisthe real issue. You know everything about her, and she knows nothing about you, and that isn’t fair. And besides, since when did it become a big secret?
It wasn’t a big secret. It had never been before, even though he didn’t talk about it with anyone, so why was he so reluctant? Yes, she’d probably blame him the way he blamed himself, but what of it? He wasn’t supposed to care about anyone’s opinion anyway, let alone hers.
It was a small thing to give her, and after all, it was an old grief. He could just tell her and be done, and then the subject would be behind them. She wouldn’t ask again.
‘Fine,’ he said harshly. ‘What happened to me? The village I grew up in was full of factions and old feuds. People fighting each other. One of the more powerful groups started demanding protection money from people, but I refused to pay. Naya and I hadn’t been married long and I was...very proud. The Aristiades name meant strength and I didn’t want to look weak or cowardly in front of her. I thought I could protect her, but... They came in the night, with petrol bombs. Our house went up in flames.’ He couldn’t remember much about the actual fire, the only mercy he’d been given. ‘I had been out with my father, helping him with some livestock, and when I got home the whole place was alight. I went in to rescue Naya, but the flames were too fierce. A beam fell on me, and my father had to drag me out. I spent a couple of years recovering from the burns.’
You failed her. It was your fault.
Oh, he knew that. He knew that all too well. The pain from his burns had faded, but the guilt in his heart never had. It was his punishment to always feel it.
Rose was staring at him, her eyes wide, a terrible sympathy glittering in them.
He had to force the words out, but he managed it. ‘Naya died because of me.’
The fire was warm at Rose’s back, the heat of the lodge’s living room warming her through. Yet it felt as if she’d plunged through the ice of the frozen lake outside and into the water beneath it.
Cold shock swept through her, the fire making no difference to the chill that found its way deep into her bones.
He’d lost his wife in a terrible way and somehow blamed himself for it.