Another swallow, this time trying to get past the lump that just formed in my throat at his confession. “Wh-what do you mean?”
“You know what I mean.”
I briefly close my eyes, refusing to acknowledge how I feel. Light and buoyant, like a fluffy white cloud. All from a five-word confession.
“Knox—”
“Don’t say it, Jo Jo. Hear me out.” He sounds almost desperate, and I’m blown away. Confused.
He can’t stop thinking aboutme?Why?
“Okay.” I nod, encouraging him to go on.
He leans forward, resting his arms on the table, stretching them out so his hands come perilously close to mine. I retract them, scared he’ll touch me and I’ll never let him go. “Since the last time we were in this room, that moment lives on replay in my brain. I can’t get you and what happened between us out of my head. Kissing you was the best thing I’ve done since…I can’t remember when.”
“It shouldn’t have happened.” When he starts to protest, I hold up my hand, stopping him from speaking. “I’m your tutor. It’s unprofessional, what occurred between us last Thursday. We can’t let it happen again.”
He’s frowning so deep, his forehead creases. “Why the hell not?”
“Because I’m in a position of authority over you.”
“Please. I’mpayingyou to be my tutor.” He actually snorts, as if I insulted him.
Damn it. Guess that argument won’t work.
“Don’t forget you also made a vow of celibacy,” I remind him.
“For the stupidest reason ever.”
“So you can do well in school this semester and give the proper focus to your football season. Both of those things are important to you. That doesn’t sound stupid to me.”
“But—”
“Listen, what happened between us last week was no big deal. I’m just the girl you made out with because you’re full of all of these—repressed feelings,” I finish lamely.
And look at me, trying to be reasonable, like an actual adult. I’m impressing myself, even when I’m also insulting myself.
While I’m also denying myself the sexiest man I’ve ever kissed.
“Are you trying to say that I kissed you because I made that stupid celibacy vow and jumped on the first woman I came across?” he asks incredulously.
Yes. For sure. It just sucks, hearing it said out loud.
“Maybe?”
He shakes his head. “No. No way. Don’t sell yourself short.”
“Knox.” I reach out, ready to rest my hand on his forearm, but I snatch it away at the last second, knowing it would be a mistake. Touching him. Once I do that, there’s no going back. “You have to admit it makes total sense. You’ve been denying yourself from being with a woman, and you gave in and kissed me, and now the moment is like, heightened in your mind. That kiss might’ve brought forth intense feelings inside of you, when it really wasn’t that special.”
Oh, I am such a good liar.
“You’re implying it was no big deal for you.” His voice is flat, his eyes flaring with anger. I decide to backtrack a little bit. Put some of the blame on me.
“I mean…it’s been a while for me too. My boyfriend and I broke up over the summer and I haven’t been with anyone since.” I shrug, knowing my explanation is weak at best.
“So I’m the first guy you’ve been with since your breakup?”
I nod, reluctant to admit anything to this guy who’s a sex god on campus. And didn’t we have a similar conversation last week? It’s like he’s dying to know all of the details regarding my very boring sex life. “And I’m perfectly happy being on my own.” That’s pretty much the truth. “I just got out of a three-year relationship and it didn’t end well. Remember?” I make a face.