And there I sat with all that fucking freedom and independence, and I wasn’t sure I wanted it at all. Or that I knew what to do with it now that I had it.
What I really wanted, deep down in my soul, was Dominic Bousset, and freedom be damned if having freedom and independence meant that I couldn’t have him.
Epilogue
Christmas and the New Year came and went. Life went on, as it tends to do, and I was busy taking care of myself and eating healthy and working hard.
Dominic was as good as his word and he paid for extra help in the shop, and there were almost daily deliveries of flowers and gifts for the baby and for me. Meanwhile, I was still thinking about what I wanted to do with my life.
Eight months later I was still thinking about it. In fact, like a homing pigeon, my mind kept traveling back again and again to the sweet, yet devastating things Dominic said to me on that day he came to see me in my bedroom. Sometimes the words hit me randomly in the middle of an ordinary day, stealing my breath way.
I told myself the passing months were to give myself time to really get to know him better. It had been so fast with us, right from the beginning because of what we were to each other. But that didn’t mean I shouldn’t take the time to really get to know him. I couldn’t justify jumping into marriage after knowing him only a few days and then make a solemn promise to be with him for the rest of my life. Could I?
My heart said yes, but I was trying to really think things through. Besides, I wanted to marry him without the idea of a baby hanging over his head. He could still be in the baby’s life without having to take me too. What if he changed his mind about me one day? What if he came to feel like because of the baby he was pressured and trapped into getting married? He had to take the time to really know me and who I was as a person before he made that lifelong vow and commitment.
I still saw him, of course, all the time it seemed, and yet never enough. He came into the shop for lunch most days and sat and gazed at me as he and Kyle ate. Of course, most days I went and sat with him, unable to stay away. I was drawn to him like iron filings to a magnet. He went to all my doctor’s appointments with me too, and most nights, if he didn’t come by, he’d call me “just to hear my voice.”
I wondered if this was how it had been for my nana. Loving someone so fiercely, but unable to be with them. Only, of course, she had a much stronger impediment in her way than I did. It all boiled down to one crucial fact.
I still wasn’t sure if I could believe him when he said he’d allow me to have a career.
Even that word, “allow” just tore me up and rubbed me the wrong way. I hated the fact that I was omega and therefore he might think I was weak and needed someone to “take care” of me. That wicked little voice inside my head rarely shut up.
What were the chances that he was just humoring me? Just agreeing to anything to get me to marry him. At which point, as soon as we got married, he’d show his true colors and turn me into a baby factory and a good little stay-at home “wifey.”
Or maybe he was just feeling guilty. Maybe he only wanted to take care of me because he felt bad about getting me pregnant. Or maybe he was just being noble and long-suffering for now, but when the baby came, he’d go on his way and find someone much easier to deal with.
And on and on.
Worst of all though were the doubts that he still loved me at all—that he wanted me at all. What if he’d decided I was just way too much trouble? The way he looked, and with the money he had, he could have anybody. He could have someone so much better.
I put my house up for sale and moved into a small room at the back of the shop, so I could be close to my doctor for appointments and, okay, I’ll admit it, be closer to Dominic. I went to his apartment to spend the night with him when we just couldn’t take it anymore. Sometimes, he came to me. He made it a point to go to all my doctor appointments with me and kept up a steady campaign to let him move me into a comfortable apartment. I refused politely, but that didn’t stop him from filling that room at the back of the shop with expensive furniture and every luxury he could fit in there.
I was in my shop one night in early September, admittedly feeling a little sorry for myself. I was on my way to join Hailey in my bedroom, where we were going to watch an Awards Banquet for the cast and crew ofThe Blazing Inferno. Everyone, including the caterers, had been invited. I had urged Hailey to get dressed up and go, but she refused, saying she’d rather stay with me. I had invited Dominic originally, but he’d had an important conference call from Asia that he needed to take.
Unfortunately, it was long past possible for me to hide my advanced state of pregnancy from the humans with oversized clothes and long aprons and white chef’s coats, so I wouldn’t actually be attending in person. But the producers had sent us a link to a live feed and Hailey had insisted we make an occasion of it and watch it. Anyway, I had a huge television screen in there on the wall that I thought was a waste of money, but that Dominic had insisted on buying me.
I was stepping out of the shower, and I pulled on a comfy robe and slipped my feet into my warmest slippers. As my pregnancy advanced, I seemed to sometimes feel the cold more than usual, though at the same time, I also randomly had flashes of heat and broke out in a sweat for no particular reason. Pregnancy hormones weren’t for the faint of heart.
I felt chilled, like I had all day. Maybe it was because I knew a chilly rain was falling outside. It had been raining off and on all day, and it always made me want to snuggle down somewhere warm. Deciding to take a hot shower, I had stripped off my clothes and gone into the bathroom, recently refurbished by Dominic, to turn on the shower. The bathroom soon filled with steam and at first. I just stood under the spray, loving the feel of the pleasantly warm water against my skin. I lathered my body and shampooed my hair leisurely before I reluctantly turned off the shower and stepped out. Pulling on a robe, I turned and…
Dominic was lounging in the doorway. I almost jumped out of my skin, holding the towel to my chest like an outraged virgin, though I was fully covered in my robe. He smiled at me sweetly, winking at me as he stepped forward to take the towel out of my hands and toss it on the floor. I took a huge breath and put my hands down protectively over my stomach.
“Don’t stare at me. I’m so fat. I look awful.”
He gently gripped my wrist and pulled my hand away. “You’re beautiful and you know it. Besides, you’re supposed to be fat at nine months pregnant.”
“You think I look fat?”
He laughed. “You look gorgeous. Sexy. Amazing.”
Still pouting a little, I accepted his answer, but still had questions. “What-what are you doing here?”
“I came by to see if I could watch the Awards Banquet with you. My call has been postponed.”
“Oh. Well, sure, but Hailey’s here.”
“She left.”