“I haven’t suffered amnesia. My life before I was as I am feels lived by someone else, but I’m in possession of their memories. Yet it also touches me as mine? You wouldn’t understand. Humans live one life; vampires live two.”
I laughed and he turned, then tilted his head back as he regarded me. “You think I haven’t lived a before and after life? Trust me, I’ve lived two lives, too. Things were hard before. They’re impossible now. I didn’t realize you could even really think about that time.”
He stepped toward me. “Disdain and sarcasm are new to you. I can remember everything. I just don’t care about it very much.”
Well… he cared enough to keep us from doing anything last night. Or maybe it was that first part really motivated him—he thought I was really close to dying.
Ihadbeen feeling particularly bad lately.
“Why did you come here? You said you had to see me. Why? Anddon’tpivot. Vampires tell the truth. Why are you here?”
He moved so fast, I didn’t see him approach before he was in my face. Unlike pop culture manifestations, vampires breathed air. They had hearts that beat. They were just monstrous blood drinkers walking around in the bodies of people who used to be humans.
And I just pissed this one off.
“From the second I woke up all I could think about was getting to you. That’s not normal. It’s not what happens to vampires. I even tried to get you once in a haze. If I’d found you, I might have torn out your throat. I’ve tried to stay away. You’re just a human. I don’t care about humans. But here you are, and I had to see you for myself. I came back intending to do that and found you with that less than nothing male about to bite into your wrist. Now we both fucking find ourselves in this situation.”
I might have been close to death or whatever, but I wouldn’t be intimidated. This had gone on for too long. “No one asked you to come here. In fact, I think you’re breaking rules by doing this, so go home. You’ve seen me. Thank you for your help last night. Go wherever you all live now. You don’t care about humans, and I absolutely detest vampires.” I shrugged. “Whatever last night was, we can both forget it. You’re such a superior being, so you can feel free to forget I exist.”
He put his hands on my cheeks. “If only that were possible.”
Caesar kissed me. I hadn’t seen it coming, and from the way that he pulled back to stare at me for a second, he hadn’t known he was going to do it, either. We both breathed heavily, despite having only been seconds that our lips had touched. In seconds, we were kissing again. I hated him, yet for some reason, I wanted this—more than I possibly could have imagined I would. No haze blurred my thoughts, and I wasn’t hungry for a bite. He just kissed me because it’s what we both wanted.
He picked me up and put me on the counter, tugging me closer to his solid body. I wrapped my arms around his neck and tried to follow where he led. Caesar took control of my mouth, so I could hardly catch my breath between caresses. Besides, the need for air seemed to get in the way of what I wanted right then.
He pushed me down on the counter, coming on top of me in seconds. Caesar stared down at my face. “I was afraid every day when I was him. Every fucking day. That much I remember.”
I caught my breath, reality dashing ice water on the moment. I pushed against his chest. “Off.”
Caesar didn’t fight me, leaping off the counter in a smooth move.
I spoke to his back, since he didn’t turn back to face me. “I loved you, even with the fear. Fear is real. It makes us human.”
"Then I’m glad not to be.” He walked to the fridge. “I am going to feed you again and ask that you don’t screw it up tomorrow when you feed yourself. Surely, you can handle that much, can’t you?”
Caesar was a whirlwind of discontinuity. I didn’t know what to make of him. “You can go. You can leave me. There is absolutely no rule that says you have to feed me for another minute. In fact, my guess is you could get in serious trouble for what you’re doing now.”
“I’m not sure what will happen to me if they find out.” He grabbed eggs and bread, starting to make the same meal he’d made for me the night before. It did seem appealing. Lightweight. I was pretty sure I could digest it.
“What did you tell them you were going to do?” I needed to get off the counter. It was starting to get awkward, not that Caesar seemed to notice. Maybe things like awkwardness no longer mattered to him. I swung my legs over and got back on the floor, retaking my seat as though that strange interlude never happened.
He looked over his shoulder. “I didn’t tell them anything. I just left.”
“They just let you leave? Rowan didn’t object? Fredrick? Your father?” I shivered at the memory of those men. I never let myself think of them. Those vampires had been hell on me.
Caesar was quiet for a moment. “Vampires come and go a lot. We have to fight and come back. The Betrayer is always waging war, and he won’t give up when he should know by now that he’s lost. It’s frustrating. I’ve been to battle twice. They will likely not cue into the fact that I’m gone for some time. By then, I suppose I’ll have made some choices.”
I walked toward him. “What choices?”
“About exactly what I am going to do and where I am going to go. I cannot be separated from you, at least not currently. I need to figure out why. Rowan leads well. He is certainly better than his father. He makes better choices. I would gladly follow him, but I cannot currently.” He scowled. “Vampires left on their own die. Fire. Stakes through the heart. The ones left here are considered expendable. I find myself in an untenable situation.”
I had an easy answer for him. “Go home, Caesar. I’m not staying here with you, and I’m not hiding in this basement. I can take care of myself. I’ll find vampires to bite me. You’ve done what you needed. Perhaps you just had leftover business with me. It’s done. Go.”
My back hit the wall as he pressed me into it. I squealed. “What?”
“When you tell me to leave, it makes me want to rage. You don’t want that. That’s not a threat; it’s a reality. For whatever reason, I’m in control, but I can feel my hunger rising the longer we do this dance. It won’t end well if I lose it.”
My own need hit me suddenly, strong and all encompassing. My hands shook but only for a second before I cried out in pain. Oh, this was bad. I hadn’t been bitten, and it was hitting me hard.