Well… I suppose that is that.I opened and closed my mouth. What was there really to say? He wasn’t sorry.
“That being said…” he continued, drawing me back to the present. “I think if I had known what happened to you, what condition you were in, I would have kept you around. That in itself, though, is a problem. Turn left here.”
I obeyed, and we drove in silence while I stewed on his words. “What would you have done differently?”
“I would’ve made you one of them.”
One of who?I came to a stop at the side of the road, and it took me a moment to understand where he indicated. In the distance, nondescript houses surrounded mansions in the center of the town. If I hadn’t known I was in North Carolina, I might have sworn I was back home. The vampires pretty much recreated their previous compound in a different location. I blinked.
What did he mean, he would have made me one of them?One of who?Then it dawned on me.The servants.They ran around, some carrying brooms, all in a hurry to go wherever their masters ordered them to be. I knew exactly what was happening in the scene in front of me. The vampires were finally awake, so their servants had a lot of tasks to perform. I lived as a servant during the year when Rowan and the others had been reawakening.
“Iwasa servant.”
He shook his head. “You were temporarily a servant. People don’t get to be temporary servants. You’ve figured that out, right? They’re either servants or they’re dead. No one really gets changed. No one moves on. You would’ve lived the rest of your life as a servant if I’d been aware you were addicted to vampire venom. I would’ve done it to keep you alive. Permanently. No Caesar coming to check on you. No little house in the country to make you comfortable. Your blood would have been interesting, and we might’ve been curious about how your blood was different from others, but you would’ve been a servant. You can still be one, if you want, but I suspect you don’t. I’m not making light of your pain, Maci. It’s real and it’s significant, but maybe things worked out for the better in the long run.”
I never wanted to kill anyone more than I wanted to kill Rowan in that moment.
Sixteen
Months of pent-up emotions crashed out of me in a surge of adrenaline I wouldn’t have known was possible up until then. I raised my hand and struck Rowan. A hard, fast slap. He could’ve stopped me. Maybe I had magical blood or whatever, but no super speed—vampires were way faster than me. Rowanletme hit him as hard as I could across his cheek.
We stared at each other, breathing hard. “You don’t get to tell me how to feel or what would have been better or worse. None of us know exactly what would’ve happened, so stop pretending to be logical when you’re spinning a fantasy. You want to talk about facts? Your father kept me prisoner and addicted me to fuck with you, and that’s a fact. He did it to prove you never got one over on him that day when you all pulled out guns. He kept to your agreement, but he didn’t give you what you really wanted. Also you don’t know what the servants’ lives are like, really, because you’ve never given a shit about them. None of you do. If they can never be vampires, you should stop telling them that maybe they can be. You know, because you never lie, but that’s a total lie.” First, I hit him, and now I yelled in his face, but my heart raced like I’d been running a race. “Sometimes? I hate you. All of you.”
When Rowan raised his hand, I wasn’t sure what he intended to do. I hit him, after all, so he might do worse to me. He wasn’t human, and his reactions couldn’t be counted on to be empathetic. I simply didn’t know this version of him yet.
So when he smoothed my hair off my face and cupped my cheek, my heart stuttered for a second. “You’re so beautiful when you’re angry. No, that’s wrong. You’realwaysbeautiful. What I mean to say is that even anger is beautiful on you.”
“Did you listen to a single word I just said?” I lowered my voice. Screaming and pounding on Rowan wasn’t getting me anywhere. Maybe talking to him would prove to be fruitless in general.
“Every word you said and those that you are not saying.” He kissed my cheek, roughly in the same place where I’d struck his. “You’re right about the servants. I’m afraid that’s out of my purview. My father still controls that, but I’ll see what I can do. They didn’t create me for my managerial skills at home, rather to win a war. As for the rest of it, yes, you’re right. That’s why my father did everything he did. He is conniving and petty. I know better, but my human self believed in fruitless things. I cannot change the past and what was done.”
Why was he being so reasonable in the face of my completely nonsensical temper? “You broke my house,” I sulked.
He nodded once. “For that, I am truly sorry. I could’ve done better than that. I don’t usually lose my temper, so I doubt you’ll see that side of me again… unless I have to kill your boss.” Rowan smirked at me. “I wanted to today. Badly.”
“We aren’t going to come to consensus about what happened when you let me go, because all of it was awful, and none of it was actually either of our faults.” I tried to make peace with the situation, but it was a struggle.
He smoothed my hair again, and this time, shivers of pleasure traveled up my spine. “We don’t have to ever agree about it. You can hate me and be angry at me for the whole of your very short human life. I’m still going to let you pound on me all you want to because I don’t want this to be the last time I see what fury looks like on you. I pretty much want to drink in how raw, stunning and human you are right now.”
All of the vampires were condescending with Rowan as the worst of them.So why did I have to find him so fucking sexy?I took off my seatbelt with shaking hands and crawled over the center console to straddle his lap. He pushed his seat back, giving us both more room just seconds before our lips met. I didn’t know who ultimately kissed who. It didn’t matter.
We practically fused together. He liked my anger?Fine.He can have all of it.I would push it right into him. Against me in just those seconds, he hardened. We’d had no blood exchange since he’d risen, so that was a very good sign that things were working just fine.
I pulled back to stare at him. His red-rimmed vampire eyes stared back at me with longing that would probably make him horrified. I sort of loved that thought. He opened his mouth, but I pressed my hand over it. I didn’t want to hear what he had to say right then.
If he could be a condescending asshole, then so could I.
“Quiet. No talking right now.”
His nod told me that I could move my hand away, and so I did, which revealed his smirk. I waited for him to say something, to prove he didn’t have to listen to me regardless of what I wanted, but he didn’t. Instead, he grabbed the back of my head and pulled it toward him, so our mouths danced together again. I closed my eyes.
It was nice of Rowan to take charge of that moment.The thought warred directly with my need to control him, to be the one to bend him to my needs and desires.Oh fuck it.I really didn’t care. I just wanted to kiss and kiss him for a little bit until we lost our clothes.
As if he’d read my mind, he pulled my shirt off and discarded it. We were so close to the vampire compound, they could see us if they looked, yet right then, I didn’t give two shits.Let them watch me fuck their reborn leader. Let them see me take Rowan inside of my body, and just for those minutes, let me make him mine.
I tugged at his clothes. I didn’t want to be naked while he was basically still dressed. If I was getting vulnerable, so help me, so was the big, strong vampire. He might not see it that way, but I would pretend for a second that I understood him.
He didn’t stop me, and soon, even though we had to bang our arms and legs on the window and side of the car to do it, we were both naked enough for me to admire the gloriousness of his naked form. Rowan had filled out since becoming a vampire, part of his change. I knew it but still, it took my breath away to stare at him like that.