I hear laughter from down the hall, and I grin to myself as I leave the house.
Chapter 13
KelseyandIlieon the bed in my nest. It’s different having someone else besides Dom or myself in here, but it feels right somehow. Her eyes blink open, big vast pools of green that are a shade so deep it reminds me of a forest. It’s obvious she’s been crying. I know that it’s beyond fucked up, but there’s a deep part of me that’s pleased that she’s not perfect.
Maybe it’s jealousy or the fear that Dom would realize that she’s really the Omega for him. I’ve been wrapping my mind around the idea. I like Kelsey, but she and Dom have a past. I feel like I’m steps behind.
“Can I say something that’s probably really fucking rude?”
She laughs. “Go for it.”
“I’m kinda glad you aren’t perfect, that you have problems.” As soon as I say it, I realize how rude it is but don’t know how to take the words back.
Laughing loudly, she turns on her back and looks at the canopy of the nest bed. “That’s one way to put it. You seem pretty put together,” she says, turning back so that she has a hand under her cheek as she looks at me.
“Far from it. I can’t drive, I have a hard time making friends, and I can be self-deprecating.”
She clicks her tongue. “Why don’t you drive?” she asks.
“If I tell you, will you tell me why you were crying?”
“Dom didn’t tell you everything?” she says, scrunching her eyebrows.
“No, just said you were going through a hard time.” She looks contemplative, like she’s impressed that Dom kept her secrets from me. I’m not sure how I feel about it, but I know Dom would do the same for me, as it wasn’t his place to tell me her private information.
“Sure, you tell me and I’ll tell you.”
I shift in the bed so that I’m not looking directly at her. It always seems easier to express yourself when you aren’t looking right at someone. The canopy blows lightly from the fan above us, and I smile before it falls, remembering Gabby.
“I was in a car accident. I wasn’t even the one who was driving. It was my late Alpha Gabby.”
Her hand reaches out and touches my forearm. “Oh, Cameron. I’m so sorry.” What do you say to someone who apologizes for someone’s death they had no part of? I never know what to say, so I usually don’t. Gabby and I weren’t even together long, but that night has made me feel guilty ever since. Why did I come out unscathed and she didn’t? How am I able to find an Alpha afterward and start my life and Gabby didn’t even have time to start hers? I don’t say these things and wish I felt comfortable enough to express them to someone, but I keep them bottled up. They are my issues, no one else’s.
“Yeah, it just seems silly to not be able to do a task most people do every day.”
“That’s not silly. Your reasoning is valid. You shouldn’t have to do something that upsets you. Dom drives everywhere, right?” she says. It stings. I can’t drive myself anywhere, and since I’m an Omega, ride shares are out of the question. The feeling of being a burden is heavy on my chest, and I don’t know how to make it lighter.
“I wonder when he will realize he could do better.”
She lightly smacks my arm, and I look over at her. “I see what you mean about the self-deprecation shit. You should really work on that. It isn’t cute.”
I can’t help it when I laugh. Kelsey says what’s on her mind and it’s refreshing and I wish I could do the same. Even with tear-stained cheeks, she seems to know her worth. It’s a complicated feeling being attracted to someone, admiring them even, and also having jealous thoughts. It’s not fair to Kelsey, and I try to redirect my mindset and do better.
“I know. I’m not sure where these ideas of never being good enough come from.”
“It’s hard when your designation has so much to do with your feeling of self-worth.” She winces, and I nod. She fucking gets it. I’ve never heard it said in such easy terms before, but it’s true. My worth has been delicately balanced around what I bring to the table as an Omega, not as a lover. She turns again, so she isn’t facing me, like telling me about her story will be easier if we aren’t looking at each other either. It has my guard down and my comfort level around her rises instantly. I’m not sure if this is how she would normally interact with someone or she just instinctively knows what I need.
“Your turn,” I say.
“I ran into my ex at the grocery store and had a complete breakdown. I hid in the bathroom and had to call Dom to come and get me.”
“What did your ex do?” I’ve heard horror stories of Alphas; it’s not uncommon. While most Alphas want to bond and treasure their Omegas, there are a lot of controlling and abusive Alphas and packs out there. I can’t imagine how Kelsey got herself tangled in that situation. But it’s easy when people don’t show you who they truly are in the beginning. I’ve never been in that situation, so I can only imagine her telling me her experience could be painful for her. I let her take her time, not pushing her, letting her tell me what she is comfortable with.
“She… she did a lot. I don’t think you realize that someone is hurting you emotionally until you look back at the situation. It took a lot of therapy for me to realize that she constantly put me down. I was blinded by love, I just wanted someone who treasured me. For a while I was on this pedestal for her, and I felt amazing. But then things changed, Vernice happened. She wanted her in the pack and I didn’t. Maybe that’s hypocritical of me, to want someone in our pack that she didn’t want. But if you met Vernice, you would understand. It might be a bitchy thing to say, but I was the Omega. You grow up learning that you’re the center of the pack. I thought my opinion mattered. I’m the one who has a physical need that needs to be met with pack life.” She sighs, scrubbing her hands over her face.
“It got worse when things were ending—she hit me. That was really what sent me into a spiral. When she ended things, that’s probably the most pathetic part. I didn’t even end it, she did. I was a crying, sobbing mess and as soon as I got home, I started my heat,” she laughs with no humor in her tone, “and I just wanted the pain to go away, you know?”
I nod my head. Suffering through your heat by yourself is horrible, and I don’t have a womb. I’ve heard that it’s worse for female Omegas.