Amo’s body became very tight, his fingers digging into my waist as he froze on the porch. Apart from that he didn’t react in any way. Finally, he pulled away and I leaned back too so I could see his face as I clung to his waist.
“Are you scared this is our last encounter?”
I was scared. Our life was based on so many frail lies, it was only a matter of time when they would come crashing down on us. What if we never got to say goodbye? Or would we figure out a way to reunite, no matter the cost?
“I don’t know.”
Amo swallowed, his finger brushing over my cheekbone as he carried me into the living room and sank down on the sofa with me on his lap. “We’ll see each other again, I swear, and we’ll enjoy each other every time, but I swore myself one thing, I won’t sleep with you.”
“Why?” I knew he wanted it. I knew he was holding back.
“Because you deserve to have your virginity taken on your wedding night and not like this.”
“That’s an old-fashioned, archaic view.”
“And I’m an archaic man when it comes to you.”
“But then you’ll never take my virginity.”
He cupped my cheeks, staring deeply into my eyes. “Eventually this boundary will fall too, as all my good intentions have toppled over, but let me try to be honorable with you for as long as I can.”
“Maybe I don’t want you to be honorable. It’s my choice.”
“You deserve so much better. You deserve to be worshipped like a queen.”
“Don’t you worship me?”
“You are a queen in my eyes. My shadow queen.”
“I’m gladly your shadow queen. I don’t need the light.”
“But you deserve it.”
“Make love to me.”
Silence settled around us. To make love you had to love. We’d never admitted our love for each other. Maybe because it would have been like salt in an open wound.
“Greta, I swore I’d not do this. I already went too far, farther than I promised myself.”
“Amo.”
“You deserve to give this to your husband.”
“You want me to be with someone else.”
“No,” he growled, fierceness twisting his face. “You are mine, only mine.”
“And are you mine?”
Amo touched his forehead to mine. “Every part of me that matters, my soul, my heart, my love, is yours. It’ll always be yours.”
“That’s enough for me. Make love to me Amo.”
I saw the conflict in his eyes but also desire and longing. He wanted this, we’d both wanted this for so long.
“Not yet,” he murmured but his voice was becoming less convincing.
I smiled against his mouth. “Okay.” Deep down I knew it wouldn’t have been the right time, not yet, but eventually it would come.