We kept kissing and I didn’t want this moment to end. I wished we could conserve it, until our next encounter.
When Amo left the next day, our goodbye hurt even worse than the previous time. Maybe because no end was in sight. After a deep breath, I got to work in the stables. Life had to go on. I tried to focus on the good: my animals, my family, ballet, and not on the part that was missing: Amo.
Over the next few months Amo managed to visit my sanctuary every three weeks. It wasn’t enough. It was better than nothing. It was safer than to meet more frequently and to risk someone getting suspicious. It was… hard.
Lying became second nature. My anxiety when I looked at my brother or father or mother and lied without hesitation never ceased, and I took it as a good sign. I didn’t want deceit to leave me cold. I wanted to feel anxious when I betrayed the ones I loved. I didn’t want this to become normal, even if it was part of my life for now and the unforeseeable future.
This meeting felt even more potent, because it was early December and possibly our last meeting this year.
“I’ll try to come here between Christmas and the New Year. I wish I could spend Christmas with you,” Amo murmured against my temple as we lay in bed after a delicious make-out session that had my core still throbbing from the aftermath of two orgasms. I could never get enough of Amo’s lips and tongue between my legs. Amo’s resolve was still strong and we hadn’t taken the next step. We enjoyed each other without sex, but I longed for an even deeper connection. I wasn’t sure if sex would provide it.
“I know you’ll be busy with your family over the holidays, just like me.”
I loved Christmas, the decorations—though some of the flashing lights that Gemma and Savio put up gave me vertigo—the food, the cheer. Our Christmases were always wonderful, but I knew this year, even worse than last year, I’d miss Amo. Christmas was meant to be spent with your loved ones…yet, he was thousands of miles away.
I didn’t want to think about it now. I tilted my head up and pulled Amo down for a kiss, my tongue sneaking in. Amo’s fingertips brushed along my spine before he cupped my ass cheek possessively. Our touches became more urgent.
Amo’s phone rang and he straightened with a groan then began fumbling in his pocket for his phone. Once he’d managed to pull it out, he slanted a look at the screen. “Maximus. He probably wants us to meet for drinks.”
I bit my lip. I wished I could meet Amo’s best friend. I wished I knew more about his daily life than what he could share with me. He told me more than he probably should, considering our families’ problematic relationship.
He answered the call and instantly his expression tightened and his body became tense. “Where?” He nodded as he lifted me off his lap and stood. He ran a hand through his hair. “I’m not in New York right now. I’ll try to come over as quickly as I can but I don’t think I can be there before tonight.” Amo listened to something the other man said, then gave a sigh. “I’ll deal with my father. Be careful and don’t do anything stupid. I know this is personal but you need to keep a cool head.”
He lowered his phone and his expression became regretful as he regarded me. He knelt on the bed and kissed me. “I’ll have to leave immediately. I fucking hate it but my friend and the Famiglia need me.”
“It’s okay. You’re going to be Capo soon. You need to be there when it matters.”
Amo nodded once, gave me another kiss and rose to his feet.
I watched as Amo got dressed, put his gun holster on and stuffed his belongings into his bag while he talked to the pilot of the private jet rental. After I’d draped a bathrobe over my shoulders, I followed him outside onto the porch.
Of course, I’d known that Amo would have to leave soon—tomorrow—but our time together was so limited that being deprived of a night and several hours hit me hard. I tried to hide my emotions, not wanting Amo to feel guilty. Amo had responsibility in New York.
He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me gently. “I’ll come back as soon as I can. Maybe I can somehow free up a night before Christmas. I don’t want to wait longer.”
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. Two weeks felt like eternity, though I knew I’d find something to keep me busy with.
Amo took a step back then another before his expression turned resolute and he turned on his heel and got into his car. I sank down on the step when he drove off, feeling a strange emptiness. Soon Bear, Dotty, Teacup and Momo joined me and I patted them as I stared off into the distance.
When Amo and I had first agreed to meet in secret, it had seemed like a decent solution. We both couldn’t have a serious relationship, for more reasons than I liked to think about. I buried my face in my hands. It had seemed so easy, but switching my emotions on and off was becoming more difficult every day. My life was divided, into my time with Amo and the rest of my life. A life always partly on hold. A life full of lies, deceit and longing.
I wasn’t sure how much longer I could live like this, but I knew I couldn’t live without Amo either. Just thinking about it made my heart ache in the worst way possible.
When I got off the private jet that evening and turned on my phone, the number of missed calls from Marcella, Dad, and even Matteo was staggering. Maximus hadn’t tried to call again. I’d given him a promise and he knew I’d keep it. When I tried to call him, only his voicemail answered. I called Primo instead. For a while he’d been working under Cassio in Philadelphia but had recently returned to work at Maximus’ side as Enforcer. “Where’s Maximus?”
“He’s on his way to a warehouse in Newark.”
No news. It was why I’d asked the pilot to land in Newark. I didn’t want to waste any time.
“He’s alone?”
“I think Romero might be with him. I hope so. Dad and I are on the way there too. Maximus didn’t want to wait. You know how eager for revenge he is. Your father and a few more men are heading there now too.”
“Okay. Send me the exact address. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
I jogged to the parking lot of the rental car service. One of the staff tossed me the keys to the motorcycle I’d rented via a phone-call. I nodded my thanks. He was a loyal cocaine customer and would get a special price for his next order.
The warehouse address wasn’t far from the airport and with my bike I could weave through traffic, so I arrived at the designated spot within ten minutes. I spotted Maximus’ car, an old Ford truck he mainly used to transport stuff for the sanctuary or bodies. I dismounted my bike, pulled my gun and hurried over to the car, but Maximus wasn’t inside. I began to search the area, hoping Maximus hadn’t been crazy enough to go in alone. Maybe Primo’s assumption was right and Romero had joined Maximus. He had every reason to be part of this after all.