Divorce was something that would end my aspirations as Capo.
My belly warmed at the sight of Amo on my porch, having coffee in only his pajama bottoms.
Despite how risky our meetings were, I couldn’t imagine not seeing Amo again. I felt guilty in many ways, toward my family, toward Cressida, even toward Amo’s family. We lied to all of them in some way. But whenever I thought of ending things between Amo and me, my chest constricted with acute anxiety. One year ago, my choice had been clear, an impossible choice but one that was inevitable. Now the reasons for a certain choice in the past became less and less convincing.
I headed over to Amo once I’d fed all the animals, which took long without Jill’s help. She hadn’t asked why I’d wanted her to spend a couple of days with her sister in Reno. She knew better than to ask too many questions.
With a bright smile, I took the hand that Amo held out to me when I ascended the wooden steps. We walked inside and had breakfast, though seeing Amo in his state of undress my body had a very different hunger.
“How about you give me a detailed tour of the farm? We can hardly do a trip somewhere else.”
I knew many places I would have liked to show Amo but he was right. This wasn’t an option. And it touched me that he wanted to get to know more about my sanctuary.
“Just let me get dressed quickly.”
I bit my lip. “You don’t have to put on clothes for me…”
Amo chuckled, leaning over and cupping my neck to pull me in for a kiss.
His phone beeped, forcing us apart, and he glanced down, his mouth tightening.
“Anything wrong?”
He shook his head, with a forced smile, and quickly shoved the cellphone into his pajama pocket.
“Your wife?”
He rose to his feet, his smile still not the one he usually had around me. I’d seen it on his face when he’d interacted with others, though. “Let’s enjoy the day.”
I didn’t push him, because I didn’t really want to talk about her either. Even though she knew Amo wasn’t faithful, I felt bad for what we did. I touched his lips with my fingertips when his forced smile remained. “I prefer your real smile. You don’t have to pretend for me, okay?”
Amo’s eyes softened and he finally stopped smiling. “Few people would realize there’s a difference.”
“I do, and I only want your true emotions. You don’t have to force anything.”
Amo kissed my fingertips. “I won’t let anything ruin today. So let’s get ready so you can distract me.”
First, I led Amo to the paddock where I kept most of the horses and donkeys. I climbed up on the first board of the fence to get a better overview and pointed out the different horses to Amo. “This is Ruby.” I pointed at a copper mare. “When I got her eight months ago she’d never seen daylight in the three years of her life before. She was in a miserable state and look at her now.”
Amo nodded slowly but his gaze rested on me. I didn’t quite understand his expression, only that it made me feel incredibly seen and… maybe even loved. I pointed out a few more animals and Amo listened without interrupting me. He gave me the feeling as if he was really interested in everything.
After a while, he stopped looking at the paddock again and instead watched me with an expression that filled my body with heat. I turned and perched on the highest board. “Am I boring you?” I had been talking about my animals and all their backstories and special needs for a ridiculously long time.
“Not at all,” he said in a low voice that sent a shiver down my back. He stepped closer and between my legs. He cupped my cheek and tilted my face up for a kiss. Soon a simple kiss became so much more and it felt as I might burst into flames soon.
His hands roamed my body, my hips, thighs, my back, but never where I wanted him. I arched toward him, wanting more. Amo growled against my lips and slid his palm along my inner thigh until his fingers teased the edge of my panties.
I wrapped my legs around Amo’s waist and he lifted me off the fence, his lips finding mine for a searing kiss. His fingers stroked along my ass then between my thighs from behind. When he reached my tender flesh, I moaned, eager for more of his touch. I clung to him, my kisses becoming uncoordinated as his fingertips teased me from behind. Soon his finger slipped in and out of me again while he held me up. It felt incredibly intense like this with our bodies flushed and my weight bearing down on his finger.
There was still a slight discomfort but my arousal overshadowed it. I began to rotate my hips in a gentle up and down motion as our kiss became deeper, more sensual. My grip on Amo’s shoulders tightened as my walls began to spasm. I rocked harder, rubbing my clit against his abs as his finger moved slowly but deep inside of me. It felt as if a knot was tightening in my core, ready to snap. I cried into his mouth as my orgasm shot through me, a wild foreign sound coming from my lips. The knot burst, sending a wave of lust through my entire body.
I sagged against him as the most violent waves of my release had passed and basked in the gentler prickling between my thighs. I’d known passion could manifest loudly, had on my occasional wanderings through the mansion overheard my parents or other family members having sex, but experiencing the sensation was something utterly intoxicating.
I still longed for more. Maybe I still felt like this might end any second, it still felt too surreal to be true. I wanted to feel more, experience more. I wanted to experience everything with Amo, was terrified that it might not happen because someone would discover our secret and rip us apart forever.
“Amo.” I kissed his neck, then cheek as he carried me toward the house. My grip on his shoulders tightened further and my belly coiled with anxiety. “I want you to make me yours. I want to sleep with you.”
My pulse raced in my veins, and I felt a little nauseous with nerves. I knew I wasn’t ready for this step yet, but I’d rather do this now, before I was ready, than not at all. I wanted this with Amo. Only Amo.