It wasnotnice to see April, because she seemed somehow just with her compassionate smile to make my struggle more difficult. Sitting in the passenger seat of her Mercedes, watching the lovely streets of Rocky Falls go by, I tried to imagine Rick accepting the bargain I wanted to strike. April’s gorgeous, petite body next to me, my absolute certainty that she had struck no bargain with Scott, seemed like a scornful rebuke of my sensible thoughts in bed as I had read Rick’s note.
This luxury car, their luxury lifestyle: they hadn’t come from April telling her husband that she would do her chores and play along if he let go of his notions about old-fashioned discipline and strict compliance with her conjugal duties.
I realized that April hadn’t said anything yet, in response toIt’s nice to see you. I had focused my attention on the sights out the window, to make sure she couldn’t see the pink in my cheeks, but now I risked a glance over to the driver’s side. To my surprise, I thought I could see a blush covering the other woman’s own face.
“I know you’re probably dreading this,” she said, taking me by surprise as she looked over at me. Her smile had faded, leaving a look of shared anxiety that made my liking for her even stronger. “I mean… how could you not? I did, when I was the one visiting Rocky Falls for the first time.”
I turned to look straight out the windshield ahead of us. I let the first thing to pop into my head come out my mouth, so that I at least had something to say—so that I could feel like I might be able to move the conversation off whatever it was April had meant bythis… the thing I surely dreaded. I could think of a lot of things that could fall into that category, each of them more mortifying than the last.
“When… when was that?” I asked. “When did you… and… and Scott…”
Somehow I had forgotten how to ask a simple question—how to put words together into a sentence. April saved me at least for a moment, though, appearing not to notice that my brain had failed to add a verb.
“Two years ago,” she said quietly, as if the memory represented a time she didn’t tend to revisit with other people. Taken aback by the shift in her tone, I looked over at her again, to see that she had a fiercely pink spot on the cheek I could see. Then she said, confusingly, “You’re the first girl I’ve been asked to sponsor, so… I guess I’m a little embarrassed.”
I felt my face go through the motions of confusion: wrinkled nose, lips open with an unasked question. Up ahead, through the windshield, I saw a little shopping center appear around a curve in the road—exactly the kind of place that would have a day spa as one of its lovely shops and boutiques.
“Um,” I said. “About what?”
A very large part of me—equal parts brat and good girl, it seemed like—didn’t want to know. I found myself liking April so much more than I had expected, though, that my overriding urge told me to try to make her feel at ease.
The thought made no sense, of course, given that the New Modesty had senther—apparently in some kind of ‘sponsorship’ role—to makemefeel at ease… something she had pretty spectacularly failed to do. Still, I had grasped at this straw, the idea that Rick and I could live here on my terms, and I clung to it. That would mean having April Dennison as a friend, and friends did everything possible to help friends feel comfortable.
We had turned into the parking lot of the lovely little shopping center. I saw our destination:New You Day Spa. At first glance, it looked like any other storefront. Then I noticed a discreet sign in the corner of the front window.
New Modesty subsidized intimacy services offered here
CHAPTER26
Mandy
April hadn’t responded to my question, and the silence had started to get a bit uncomfortable. She pulled the Mercedes into a parking space and turned the key to stop the engine. When she turned to me, I realized that I had drawn back into the depths of the bucket seat’s rich-smelling leather. I bit my lip as I shifted my legs and felt beneath me the soreness from my husband’s old-fashioned lesson, my face going hot at the embarrassing reminder of the previous night’s shameful scenes.
“As your sponsor,” April said, “it’s important that I tell you about my own experiences as Scott’s obedient wife, so that you feel more comfortable sharing what’s happening between you and Rick. I think you probably got punished last night, and Rick probably used you afterwards…”
I swallowed hard, resisting the urge to cover my ears and shout at her to stop talking. I could feel how haunted my eyes must look to April across the scant three feet between us in the car.
April nodded, her own face troubled and her cheeks still glowing pink.
“That takes time to get used to,” she said. “Talking about it that way.” Her face brightened, then, and a shy little smile played on her lips. “You do get used to it though.”
To my astonishment, she giggled.
“Hey, look at me, being the wise sponsor. That’s just what Joan said to me… you do get used to it.”
For a moment I looked at her, trying not to stare as if she had just arrived from another planet. April looked at me with slightly raised eyebrows, as if hoping I would share the joke with her, take pleasure in her stepping up to serve as my sponsor.
Sure, the brat in me said,I’m definitely tickled pink that you’re apparently authorized—mandated, probably—to talk to me about how my husband punishes andusesme.
“Um,” I tried again, not getting anywhere fast, mentally speaking. “Um… I…”
I remembered my resolution about what I would do at the day spa. I took hold of it like a drowning sailor grabbing the side of a life raft.
“I’m not comfortable with the thing Rick, you know, mentioned—I mean, may have mentioned or whatever—last night, and I’m just, you know, going…”
At this point in my stream of consciousness babble I actually felt fairly proud of how many words I had managed to string together. I could see a puzzled expression starting to appear on April’s face, however, and I realized with a flash of heat in my cheeks that really I probably wasn’t making any sense.
“I mean the thing Rick mentioned about what kind of, you know, appointment they had made for me here…” I jerked my chin toward the windshield and theNew Youday spa, and I saw understanding come into April’s eyes, followed an instant later by a compassion bordering on pity that nearly froze my word train in its tracks.