I quickly glanced over my shoulder and took in her solemn expression. “I’ll be right there,” I shouted after them. Neither one turned around to look at me; they just kept marching forward, heading straight for Sandman’s room.
“Hey, Shasta. I’m glad to see you’re okay,” I told her, cautiously approaching the bed.
She blinked up at me, a look of misery crossing her features. “He can’t die,” she whispered. “He…” Her voice trailed off in incompletion.
Without thinking, I grabbed the back of her hand and kissed it. “He’ll be okay. I’ve known Jesse for a very long time, and if there’s one man on this planet that can pull out of this, it’s him.”
She nodded, but her stare was vacant, as if she was lost in a world of her own thoughts.
“You know it’s not your fault, right?”
She looked up.
“Nothing that’s happened has been your fault. Not what happened with Sandman, not the accident, nothing. I can see the guilt in your eyes. This could’ve happened to any one of us, and Jesse… well, he’s a fighter. He’ll pull through. I feel it in my bones.”
The weakness of her smile broke me. “I wish I could believe that, but I feel like karma struck us both in a way.” Her gaze took in the bruises on her arms, and she used the sheet to cover them. “Sometimes life beats us down until we’re nothing but shattered glass and powdered dust.”
I lifted her chin, forcing her to look up into my eyes. She seemed to drink in the grassy hue of my iris, staring at me like she was wandering in a meadow of lush greenery that led straight to my soul.
“And sometimes when life beats us down, it only makes us stronger. I know what happened to you was fucking wickedly evil, Shasta, but you’re still here. You’re still holding on. And Jesse… well, he’ll be just like you, too. Just wait. I promise you that, okay?”
She sucked in a deep breath and moved her head and hand away from me. “Okay. Thanks, Ranger.”
“You’re welcome, Shasta.”
I didn’t want to linger there any longer. As much as I would’ve liked to console her and make her feel better, Jesse’s life was on the line, and in that moment, that was all that mattered to me.
Rushing down the hall, I came to a stop in front of Sabbath and Snyder, out of breath, staring at the two highest ranking men in our club. They both had equally dark expressions that immediately had my gut twisting with loss.
“Is he—”
Sabbath shook his head. “They pulled him out of it,” he said, a grim set to his jaw.
“Okay? That’s a good thing, right?”
Snyder met my eyes, and you could see the sadness in them. “Yeah, Ranger, but…” He paused, and the silence that followed killed me.
“But what?” I was starting to get pissed. “But fucking what!” I shouted.
Sabbath met my angry gaze iris-to-iris and frowned. “I don’t know how to tell this to you, Brother, but I’m just going to say it… they think he’s going to wake up a vegetable.”
Chapter Two
Shasta
For two straight hours I laid in bed, wondering what Sandman’s fate would be? Ranger coming in to console me was sweet as hell, but not even his natural sweetness could erase the guilt and pain I felt in my heart.
If Sandman died, I’d never forgive myself. I tried to close my eyes and forget about everything, but in the darkness, I saw it all. The fists coming at me… the violent pulling of my hair… the vicious violations of my body by men I didn’t know… and one… one that was given my innocence with such naivety. A man that at one point I loved. A man who was so consumed with revenge that he would do anything to get back at Sabbath, even leave me for dead—a woman he once said he loved.
What Sandman didn’t know… well, none of them knew, was just how deep this feud ran. Hoax had every reason to be pissed. I did cheat on him with Adam, but in my defense, I thought we were through. The fight we had that night sounded like we ended, even though we never said the words out loud. I found myself finding solace in Adam’s arms, then I was on my knees taking him all in, getting lost in a man that I thought was different from Hoax and would somehow be my forever.
I was so wrong about that.
I was wrong about a lot of things.
It was my fault that Sandman got hurt in that accident. My fault that he was barely hanging on. My fault that Hoax felt the only way to retaliate was to hurt Sabbath, where he knew it would get him the most… my pussy.
When a blast of cool air hit my face, it was like I could feel their fluids on me again, and I shuddered, pushing the memory from my mind.