“Oh, thank you. Let’s eat.”
Matteo’s eyes flare. “I don’t know if I ever told you, but I love it when you get all excited about food.”
I dart out my tongue and lick my lips. “You do?”
He nods. “Actually, I just love watching you get excited. Period.”
I glance down and take one of the food containers so I have something to do. I get all fidgety whenever he says stuff like this and don’t know how to act like a normal person. “It looks delicious.”
For the next few minutes, I stuff my mouth with some of the most delicious food I’ve ever had. We’ve always had someone to cook for us at home, but since my dad put a strict diet in place for me, it was restrictive in what I could eat. Which is another reason why I love working out so much too, since it allows me to eat even more.
We don’t sit, just stand by the kitchen island, and it’s one of the most comfortable meals I’ve had in a long time.
Once Matteo is done, he puts his fork and plate down, steps in front of me, and grabs me by the waist to lift me onto the counter. The cold granite makes contact with my exposed skin, and I yelp.
“You said earlier you wouldn’t know what to do otherwise. Tell me what you meant by that.” Matteo leans against the counter opposite me, watching me now that we’re at eye level.
I shrug and take another bite of my steak. When I’m done chewing, I say, “You know my dad’s always wanted me to be someone’s wife. That’s supposed to be my job for the rest of my life and why he didn’t want me to go to college. He said it was a waste of time and money. And, God forbid, I’d do any kind of job in the family business or even worse, outside the family. The horror.”
He’s quiet for a moment. “But you kept busy at the cabin. You seemed . . . happy.”
I nod. “I was happy. I can’t even describe how amazing it felt, how amazing it still feels, to not be constantly monitored and watched, or told what to do and what not to do. And, of course, I love reading or watching a good show or movie. It’s fun for a while, but I couldn’t do it forever. My dad said it would only be a year or two before I had my first child to take care of, and until then, I’d have to keep my husband happy. He always told me it’s an easy job, an easy sacrifice to make for the family.” I snort. “That not everyone is that so ‘lucky.’ As if I should be grateful he’s marrying me off for his own gain like a piece of meat. It’s a joke. But I made a promise, and I thought I’d be okay with it.”
Matteo steps between my legs. With his hands on either side of my hips, he leans in. “I’m going to officially cancel the engagement.”
My breath catches in my throat. “You are?”
“Yes.”
“And then . . .”
He stays quiet as if he’s debating how to continue.
I lick my dry lips. “Then what, Matteo?”
“Then I want to marry you.”
This time, the oxygen in my lungs disappears completely. “That’s very sweet of you, but you don’t ha—”
“Don’t you dare finish that sentence. I’ve told you before, and I’ll say it again, I don’t do things I don’t want to do.” He comes closer, his eyes more black than brown.
“But then why?”
“I want to marry you because you’re mine, passerotta. The thought of another man ever touching you drives me to a level of insanity I’ve never experienced before. Your father could try to sell you off to a million other men, and I’d kill them all before you ever walked down a single aisle.”
The drumming in my chest gets so loud, it’s almost deafening.
Our breaths mingle as he leans his forehead against mine.
This is insanity. Pure insanity. And I want it.
I close my eyes and focus on my breathing, trying to tune in to myself like I’ve tried to do more lately. To find that feeling in my gut that’s trying to help. But there’s no churning in my gut, no nausea or immobilizing pressure on my chest. None of the things I felt for so many years every time I thought about marrying someone, even worse when my father told me he’d found someone for me. I always wrote it off as nerves. People get anxious about marriage and have their doubts, it’s normal.
But what has never been there before is this warmth that’s spreading through my body right now. It started at my chest and keeps expanding outward, filling my whole body with a fervor that I’ve never experienced before.
Not once.
Until now.