Mom tightens her grip on my hand. “You would never have been alone. Sure, your father would have been angry at first, but a child is a blessing.”
“I … I …” My mouth can’t even say the words out loud. “I chose not to keep it.”
Without a thought or moment of judgment, Mom hugs me fiercely.
“I knew something happened. I just didn’t know what.” Mom distances herself but holds my arms in her grip. “I want you to speak to someone, a professional. I know you don’t want to do that, but losing a baby, no matter what the circumstances are, can result in long-term trauma.”
I nod quietly. “I know, Mom. I was hoping to escape the nightmares, but they always find their way back. When we get back home, I’ll see anyone you recommend.”
We continue to chat openly, and Mom gives me space to talk about everything I’ve held back. Soon after, Dad returns with pizza.
As I sit with the two of them, we eat pizza and drink soda while learning how to reconnect without the tension I’ve grown accustomed to with my father.
“I don’t want to start an argument,” Dad begins as Mom purses her lips. “You know our home will always be home. Anytime you want, the keys are yours again.”
I breathe a sigh of relief, offering a smile. It’s exactly what I need to hear, but a part of me wanted to do something else.
At least, I need some time to think.
“Mom, Dad? Do you think we can stay here for another week? There’s something I want to do with the both of you.”
“Of course, honey. We can rearrange our schedules.”
“Good.”
Dad tilts his head with a smile. “Are you going to share what it is you’d like us to do together?”
I grin, shaking my head. “Patience, dear father of mine. I need to make sure it’s what I want first.”
Tonight was too much. I excused myself to bed and told them I needed a few days just to process things. They both offered their support, but I needed to take care of things first.
That included myheart.
I didn’t lie around, cry, or eat tubs of ice cream, but the pain and heartache never left me. Wherever I went, whatever I saw, memories found their way back, and the heaviness inside my chest became this constant fixture.
When I found the courage to turn my phone on, I was surprised to see nothing at all from Hunter. Not one missed call, not one single text. As for the rest of the messages, I ignored them for now because I needed to do one thing.
Apologize to April.
As I’m about to call her, I hold back. Why would I tell her over the phone if she didn't know? Some things needed to be done in person, and I made a note for it to be the very first thing I do when I’m back in LA.
I knock on the door, tapping my feet impatiently. The door opens, and Beau is standing across from me with a knowing grin.
“You ready?”
With a smile, I nod. I found out Beau was the one who called my father that night. He knew exactly what I needed, and he was right.
I spend the day with Beau, gathering everything I need before meeting with my parents this afternoon. We decide on this cute little café in Chelsea, which is not overly busy if you go there after lunch. Both my parents are working from their Manhattan offices but were able to stay longer as per my request.
They both sit across from me as I slide over a folder.
“What’s this?” Mom asks.
I draw in a breath, then release with a smile. “I’ve decided to go to college. Inside this folder is a list of the campuses I’ve narrowed it down to. I’ve done my pro and con lists for each one. I know there’s no guarantee I’ll be accepted, but I would love it if both of you would tour them with me. There are dates listed inside, so I hope they will fit in with your schedule.”
My parents continue to sit in silence, neither one of them opening the folder.
“Aren’t you going to open the folder?”