I can only stare at the ceiling in regret, annoyance, and exasperation.
He must notice that I'm not breathing heavily or saying anything, so he pushes up onto an elbow to look at me. His other hand reaches up to gently brush a stray hair out of my face, and I smile warmly at the contact.
"Did you come?" he asks bluntly as he gives me a hopeful look.
I debate telling him the truth, because Iaman independent woman, after all, and why can't I demand my own orgasms? I should feel comfortable telling my partner that, unfortunately, today's sex just didn't do it for me, but maybe he could try with his fingers or his mouth.
But then I remember how well we've been getting along this week, and how great it's been not having any conflicts between us. I remember that he gets mildly annoyed whenever I admit that I didn't come, even though he'll deny ever feeling like that. And even though he'll go down on me and get me off if I ask, we're always left in an awkward cloud afterwards—instead of post-sex bliss.
That combined with the always present, nagging worry that it’smyfault I can’t come… that there’s something wrong with me…
It’s easier than it should be to make a split-second decision to lie and tell him what he wants to hear. I just don't want to deal with the annoyance or awkwardness today. So what if I didn't come? He already got me off yesterday. I'll just finish myself off in the shower later, no big deal.
"Yeah, baby, I came," I tell him with a smile.
3
HAILEY
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BITCH!!"
I wince and jerk the phone away from my ear.
"Jesus, you're loud this morning," I mumble into the phone once my sister, Remy, has stopped screaming. "Why are you awake so early?"
"I have an early meeting with Cassandra to get ready for, and I need all the coffee in the world to deal with the bitch. Plus, it's your 21ST BIRTHDAY!! What're we doing tonight?!"
I pull my phone back again and glare at it. "Firstly, we're going to calm down because you're insane right now. That's first on the agenda." I can practically hear my sister rolling her eyes at that. "Secondly, I can't do anything tonight because Steve is taking me out for a nice dinner. He already made a reservation because we're going to that new place in Old City that fills up really quick. But maybe we can do something this weekend?"
Remy lets out an exaggerated sigh. "So I don't get to see you at all today? I really can't take you out to a bar tonight to get legally shitfaced?"
"I can't," I say with a wince. "Steve wants to spend my birthday together. And he doesn't like the party scene, so a bar probably wouldn't be a good idea."
She doesn't respond for a few seconds, so I glance at my phone to make sure the call hasn't dropped. I barely hear her growl under her breath“fucking narcissist just wants to prove he owns you”but so much anger coats her tone that I can’t be sure that’s what she said. Just as I'm about to ask if she's okay, she says, "Hailey, it'syourfucking birthday. Steve's likes and dislikes shouldn't even play into it. Why can't you do what you want to do? You know you would have more fun if Jax and I took you out."
I wince and pinch the bridge of my nose. I know she's right, so why am I so steadfast in my decision to stick by Steve's plan? Why does the idea of going against him make me feel anxiety down to my bones?
I know I should be spending today doing whatever I want; birthdays are the one day where everyone can make their demands and the people around them have to comply. But how do I explain to my sister that I wouldn't enjoy doing what I want to do because the entire time I'd be completely keyed in to the fact that Steve is at home and pissed? And unless I spring it on him after dinner, his sour mood would probably ruin our date too.
A fun night out just isn't worth it.
"I'm just not feeling a big night out," I lie. It's the easiest way to end this conversation right now. "You know me, I'm not a big drinker. The cliché 21st birthday shitfest just doesn't sound appealing to me."
I hear Remy exhale another heavy sigh, and I know she's given up on the argument. She won't push me to do anything I don't want to do—it's one of the things I love about my sister. She encourages me to step out of my comfort zone, but she always knows when to stop.
"At least let me take you out for lunch," she begs. "I can'tnotsee you today. Just find out when you can leave work for an hour, and I'll meet you wherever you want."
A hesitant smile stretches across my face. That does sound like a good compromise. "Okay," I agree. "I'll text you when I get to work and figure out when I can take an hour."
"Perfect," Remy chirps. "I'll get Jax too. We'll make a party of it whether you like it or not."
A quiet laugh escapes me. "Okay, nutjob. I'll see you in a little bit."
* * *
When I get to the restaurant, I smile when I see Remy and Jax are already here. Walking up to their table, I watch in amusement as Jax pointedly ignores my sister's fiery attention, and instead grins into his beer before downing the whole thing.
"Why are you yelling at Jax?" I ask bluntly when I reach them, then shake my head with a chuckle when Jax winks at me.